Will Barry Bonds Just Go Away Already?

So on Friday I’m at home attempting to get some writing done, and ESPN is on in the background.  Now all of us at The Sports Riot! have always maintained that we think ESPN has become somewhat of a joke, but if it does serve a purpose, it’s to piss me off enough to make me go on some kind of rant.  Well ESPN’s Friday coverage consisted of the following:
-          Tim Tebow getting ready to face the Patriots.
-          Barry Bonds obstruction of justice trial.
-          Tim Tebow becoming the second coming of Jesus.
-          Testimony pertaining to that scumbag at Penn State who diddled little boys and the shitbags who covered it up.
-          Tim Tebow overtaking all athletes as the best all-around player who’s ever lived.

Now while Chris likes to hammer on Skip Bayless and his boy-like infatuation with Timmy, and the whole disaster at Penn State makes me sick to my stomach, I want to turn some attention to Barry.

I hate Barry Bonds.  I hated him when he was a skinny little asshole in Pittsburgh, and I learned to really loathe him when he joined the Giants, his head grew four sizes, and he developed backne.  He clearly used steroids, lied to a grand jury, and all the while still being a smug piece of shit.  Honestly I could care less if he used steroids.  He’s the one who has to live with himself so kudos to Barry.  Some people ooze scumbag (Bonds tops that list) and if given the opportunity I’d punch him in the taint.

Well the circus that has surrounded Bonds over the past four or so years has finally come to a close (well sort of).  Bonds was sentenced to 30 days house arrest, two years probation, 250 hours community service, and a $4,000 fine for lying to a grand jury during the BALCO hearings.

Are you kidding me?

The government spent millions of taxpayer dollars to make an example out of Bonds and all that’s comes out of it is letting Barry lounge around his 15,000 square-foot mansion for 30 days?  This has to be a joke.  Hell, Barry’s boyfriend Greg Anderson had a harsher sentence and he just sat in jail because he chose to keep his mouth shut.  So much for the prosecution doing a good enough job to make Bonds an example.  Not just for his illegal performing enhancing drug use, but the fact he committed perjury when he lied to a grand jury (obstruction of justice my ass.  When you lie under oath you’re committing perjury).

I mean seriously, whoever the prosecutors were that worked on this case should be on the unemployment line by now for doing a piss-poor job, and wasting taxpayer money (and you wonder why California’s economy is in the toilet). 

Next on the firing line should be Judge Susan lllston.  Some tree-hugging, Northern California hippie, looked disinterested throughout the trial, and based on her sentence, really didn’t give two shits about the case (but she did sentence a lawyer to two years prison time for leaking grand jury testimony.  I guess lying to the grand jury is less severe than discussing it).  If that was the case, why didn’t she throw it out to begin with instead of wasting time and money???

I think this entire case and the due process surrounding it was nothing but a steaming pile of horse shit, and anyone who thinks any good came out of this is an idiot. 

Barry, I know you’re reading out there, do me a favor and go away.  Go into hiding, become a hermit, or move to Europe and hate the United States.  You’ll be doing the entire country a favor.

Before I do wrap this up, there has to be one person who has to be happy about this and his name is Roger Clemens.  An equally pompous douchebag, Clemens has his own legal woes for his inability to tell the truth.  If Bonds is getting off with a slap on the wrist (which will probably be less than what he has since Illston allowed an appeal), Clemens might get a car and a reality show out of this (not just because he’s white either).  The legal system loves media attention and a high profile athlete is just the way to whore yourself out by wasting tax dollars.

I’m over steroids in baseball and the circus that’s surrounding it.  Let the government waste money somewhere else and quit giving assholes like Barry Bonds any attention.

 What are your thoughts? Share with us at thesportsriot@yahoo.com or follow us on Twitter @TheSportsRiot.

And Now......Dickie Thon

A couple months ago I wrote an article about what I felt were some of the best names in all of sports.  I got some feedback.  Some people got the joke and laughed their asses off, some people decided to break my balls over it; letting me know what an immature asshole I am (which isn’t far from the truth), and others simply didn’t get it (those guys are the real assholes).

Then a couple weeks ago I did a Top 5 on the best moustaches in all of sports in honor of Movember.  That piece was an overwhelming win (how could it not have been?), and it prompted a debate with some friends of who they felt should have made the cut and who I forgot.

Well to make a short story as long-winded as possible, the other day I’m sitting at the bar and these debates came up yet again.  Everyone has an opinion, which is what makes sports great, and is what The Sports Riot! aims to do.  A couple buddies kept pounding me (in a non-jailhouse sense), about one player who should have made both lists.  Who you ask (if you didn’t pick it up by the title of this disaster)?  None other than Dickie Thon.

After thinking about it, they were right.  How could I overlook Dickie Thon (this is what happens when you drink too much)? 

Born Richard William Thon, he chose not to go by Dick, but Dickie (I knew a dude high school who used to wear a dickie.  If he wasn’t such a dork I would have felt bad for him, because dickies are weak).  It takes a rare breed to intentionally go by Dickie (aside from Thon, the only Dickie’s I can think of is former major leaguer Dickie Noles and Mighty Mighty Bosstones singer Dickie Barrett).  Although his name isn’t as bad ass as a Dick Pole or a Dick Trickle, it still warranted consideration.

He also did sport a serious moustache; similar to the “John Holmes” that Keith Hernandez and Don Mattingly celebrated in the 80’s.  After thinking about it further Thon might have had a leg up on Hernandez and Mattingly because he was a middle infielder (although Thon didn’t have the hookers and blow Hernandez had).  It was a known rule that shortstops didn’t sport a moustache in the 80’s (the lone exception might have been Dale Berra, but everyone knows he couldn’t carry Thon’s jockstrap, so he really doesn’t count).

Thon also garners more merit for both of these honors because he’s the only Hispanic baseball player, that a) doesn’t look like he has a lick of Puerto Rican in him and b) having the most un-Hispanic name in all of sports (believe it or not Thon was inducted into the Hispanic Heritage Baseball Hall of Fame in 2003).

So Rioters!, this Dickie’s for you…

Thon broke into the league like gangbusters for the California Angels in 1979 batting .339 in 35 games, immediately becoming their top organizational prospect.  Unfortunately for Thon, the Angels were holding him back.  Instead of using the up and coming blue chip, the brain trust in Anaheim used the tandem of Burt Campaneris and Freddie Patek at shortstop (they had a combine age of 74).  Finally in 1981 the Angels did the right thing, trading Dickie to the Houston Astros for pitcher Ken Forsch.

Once getting a full opportunity in 1982, Thon tore the ass out of the league batting .276 with a league-leading ten triples.  It was only the beginning for Dickie.  In 1983 he batted a career-high .286 with 20 home runs and 79 RBI’s.  It was the first of what should have been many All-Star appearances.

At the end of the 1983 season, Thon was on top of the world.  Screw Cal Ripken, Ozzie Smith, and Ivan Dejesus, they couldn’t hold a candle to Thon, who was quickly becoming a household name (studies show that in 1983 1 in 89 children born in Houston were named “Dickie” and 1 in 276 were named “Thon”).

Thon’s 15-minutes of fame came to a grinding halt on April 8, 1984.

Facing the New York Mets, Thon caught a fastball in the face from washed-up pitcher Mike Torrez breaking his orbital bone around his left eye.  Thon missed the remainder of the 1984 season as well as a majority of the 1985 season dealing with depth perception issues. 

(SIDEBAR:  Torrez has always maintained that the pitch that caught Thon in the melon was accidental and it was simply a brush back pitch because Thon was crowding the plate.  Torrez’s story behind closed doors was much different.  He intentionally hit Thon in the head because he openly hated shortstops.  He was never able to get over giving up a three-run home run to Bucky Dent in 1978 which ended the Red Sox pennant hopes.  Rioters!, these are the type of stories you won’t find in Wikipedia.) 

After the accident Thon’s hopes of being a Hall of Famer were squashed.  He kicked around with the Astros for a few more seasons, but was a disappointment.  After being released by the Astros, the was signed by the Padres where he was a halfway decent platoon player before getting a second chance with the Phillies.

In 1988 the Phillies were garbage finishing 65-96.  An overhaul was afoot and the Phillies needed a replacement for stud infielder Rick Schu (who also sported a solid ‘stache), and Thon was their man.  While Thon split time at shortstop with phenom Steve Jeltz, his stellar play earned him starts at second and third base.  In three years with the Phillies he became a fan favorite.  He finished batting .259 with 32 home runs and 152 RBI’s.

After the 1991 season, Thon sought greener pastures and signed with the Rangers before being released and finished his career with the Milwaukee Brewers, which was forgettable.

Thon is a legend here in Philadelphia as well as Houston (Texas men love them some Dickie).  Thon even has a fan club; www.dickiethon.com.  Unfortunately when I visited this morning it forwarded me to a message board that hasn’t been active since September 2011 (which is a damn shame).  Hopefully the people behind The Dickie Thon Fan Club will get their shit together, because I’ll join.

Dickie had a bright future ahead of him.  He was well on his way to be an offensive juggernaut, basking in the glory of a fruitful Major League career.  That was until that asshole Torrez abruptly ended that.  Even so we salute you Dickie.  It doesn’t mean you’ll be an official Riot! guy like Moe Mantha or Wayne Fontes, but that might change one day.  For now you have my love…

Top 5 Oilers of Anytime Other Than 1984 - 1990

 I’ve never hid my love for the Edmonton Oilers.  I’ve loved them since I was a kid and that will never change.  I spend most of my days while I write listening to 1260 The Team (which I personally find to be one of my favorite sports radio stations).  From Neilson and Chase, to The Mark Spector Show, to The Jason Gregor Show (I normally switch off Rome), it’s a staple of my daily life.  If you’ve never listened, you don’t know what you’re missing.

Enough of me whoring out a radio station I listen to.  I’m not on their payroll.  Anyway, I’ve been thinking for a while to do a Top 5 pertaining to the Oilers, specifically relating to the players.  The problem with that is all Top 5 played on one team.  From 1981-1988 the Oilers were a dynasty so doing a standard Top 5 might come off a bit trite. 

So after brainstorming with my partner in crime, the illustrious Chris, we developed a new idea.  The Top 5 Oilers who weren’t involved in the dynasty.   Just in case you are wondering, here’s my personal the Top 5 Oilers of All-Time:

5 – Glenn Anderson

4 – Jari Kurri

3 – Paul Coffey

2 – Wayne Gretzky

1 – Mark Messier

(SIDEBAR:  I know when you look at that at face value most would think that how could Gretzky not be the number one player.  At first I agreed.  Partially I’m biased since he’s my favorite player of all-time, but after talking to Chris he made a good point.  After Gretzky was traded to the Kings, Messier led an Oilers team to another Stanley Cup Championship in 89-90.  Also Mess didn’t need a bodyguard on the ice.  He could score, pass, and deliver a timely elbow when duty called.  It’s a damn shame the Oilers ever dealt Wayne.  He wasn’t the only guy that cried that day.  )

So now that we have addressed the All-Time 5, let’s look a little deeper and look at the Top 5 Post-Dynasty Players:

 5 – Bill Ranford – Technically he was with the Oilers in 88-89, as a backup to Grant Fuhr, but when most people think of a backup to Fuhr they think of Andy Moog.  In 89-90, Ranford did one thing that Moog never did; he won a Stanley Cup without the help of Fuhr.  He became one of the league’s top goaltenders and stayed in Edmonton until 1996 when he was shipped up to Boston (cue the Dropkick Murphy’s).  Ranford currently ranks second in career wins (167) and first in games played (449).  While Ranford’s GAA (3.51) isn’t the sexiest number, it still ahead of Fuhr’s career GAA of 3.67.  While Oilers fans might disagree, name a better goalie since?

 4 – Ryan Nugent-Hopkins – Look, I know this might be a stretch considering Nugent-Hopkins is only 18-years-old and has 29 professional games under his belt, but the Oilers haven’t seen a play maker like him since #99 graced the ice of Rextall Place (before you get your panties in a bunch he’s got a lot to prove before he gets actual real comparisons to Gretzky).  In his 29 games he’s currently sixth in the league in scoring with 32 points and is blowing all rookies out of the water holding a 10 point lead over Predators rookie Craig Smith (not that it affect where he ranks with the Oilers but it’s still impressive).  At 18, the Nuge’s play is only going to get better.  I have no doubt he’ll continue to improve and become one of the best players in the league.

 3 – Kelly Buchberger – Most of the time when you think of an All-Time Great, statistics is the first thing that comes to mind; mainly scoring.  While Buchberger scored a career-high 44 points in 1991-92, he was more valuable on the ice devastating opponents with violent checks and an occasional ass kicking.  As the Oilers All-Time leader in penalty minutes he menaced opponents during his eleven seasons in Edmonton.  Although he left Edmonton in the 1999 expansion draft and went to the dreaded city of Atlanta, Buchberger permanently left his mark in the city of Edmonton (as well as the heads and ribs of opposing players).  Upon his retirement he returned to the Oilers as an assistant coach.

 2 – Doug Weight – Weight was an offensive force in his nine seasons in Edmonton and ranks sixth in scoring behind Gretzky, Kurri, Messier, Anderson, and Coffey. This obviously puts him right in the company of the All-Time Greats (he ranks number one among American born Oilers).  One of the most skilled playmakers in the 90’s, Weight’s best seasons came while wearing an Oilers sweater, where he earned three All-Star appearances and averaged 82 points per season (including a career high 104 points in 1995-96).  I debated putting Weight at number one, but I couldn’t justify an American being the top Oiler since their dynasty days.

1 – Ryan Smyth – I was stoked when the Oilers re-acquired Smyth in the offseason.  The guy who grew up an Oilers fan returned home to give a veteran presence to a young Oilers squad.  While Smyth has never been a flashy player he’s always been the guy who’s not afraid to do the little things to get the job done.  Whether it’s digging out a puck in the corner, or clogging the goal mouth looking for redirections, Smyth has always brought the intangibles to the table.   This gritty type of play has made him one of the biggest fan favorites in Oilers history.  He gets extra points in my book because he still chooses to sport a mullet.

(SIDEBAR:  I have a story somewhat related to Smyth.  I almost got into a fight with his brother Kevin.  In the 90’s I lived in Florida and Smyth was playing for the Orlando Solar Bears (stupid name), of the IHL.  One night I was out with my girlfriend at a bar called One-Eyed Jack’s, and a few of the Solar Bears were there getting their drink on.  We were having a good time with our group and Smyth kept making comments about my girlfriend; nothing too over the top, just the standard annoyances you have to deal with in a bar setting.  Apparently Kev wasn’t happy his advancements weren’t going his way so he got up and approached us.  With his advances still blown he grabbed her ass.  At that point I snapped out, threw a punch, and had to be held back by my friends.  I guess a couple of the Bears grabbed him as well.  Okay it wasn’t the most exciting story, but it somewhat related).

Oilers fans!  Who is in your Top 5?  I want to hear from you.  Hit me up at shatmeself@yahoo.com and we’ll chat.  There’s still that Twitter thing (it hasn’t gone away).  Follow us @TheSportsRiot and it’ll help you get laid.  I swear…

Top 5 Sports Phrases That Need To Go

Being a sports fan, and a practitioner of Advanced Fandom, I've watched my fair share of sports. I've been to games on all levels and I've watched a ton on TV. At the bar, at my home, at a buddies house; sports watching has happened over the years, and as much as I love to watch, sometimes it's hard to listen. Why you ask? Because you get these guys who want to spew these sports cliches over and over throughout the course of the game. You know what they are. The reason why you know is after about an hour of these d-bag announcers spewing them at you, you have your drunken buddies saying the same damn things. It's a vicous cycle and it needs to end now, or I'm going to kill somebody. So I asked our buddy "Smeck" to write up the Top 5 of the thousands of these phrases that send douche chills down my spine everytime I hear them.

5- “Going all in” - a team is going to do everything they can to win the championship that year. 

Why it needs to go – Unless your team is completely out of it and is stripping down and rebuilding, every team is “going all in.”  Just because you are using a poker term to define it doesn’t set you apart from say, oh, the other 14 teams still trying to win a championship.  I’d love to hear a coach say something like “we’re going pot limit this year” meaning, the goal of the season is to maybe win a playoff game, but not really try to win it all. 

4- “Weapon” – A player of a skill position in football.

Why it needs to go – We need to lay this one to rest like the way people buried the word “def” in the early 90s.  It was clever once for a little while but pretty quickly wore out its welcome.  It’s gimmicky and doesn’t strike fear into anyone.  Unless Chuck Norris is on the other team, there is no true “weapon” on the field. I’ll go out on a limb and suggest an outside of the box replacement – “good offense.” 

3- “Beast Mode” – When a player is demonstrating above normal levels of athleticism.

Why it needs to go – Do these announcers even know where the term originates?  It was from the cartoon series Beast Wars which, in itself, sucked.  Overuse is easily killing this one.  Rushing for 5 yards on a 1^st and 10 at your own 30 isn’t going into “Beast Mode.”    This is on par with going to a mid-management meeting and hearing the term “synergy” a million times when not one person in the room can even define what it means. 

2- “Take it on the chin” – To suffer a defeat

Why it needs to go – Not going to lie, porn completely ruined this for me.  Hearing old players with their grey hair in the broadcast booth talking about the time they took one on the chin – gross. 

1-“Lights out”– When a pitcher is unhittable.

Why it needs to go – Going forward, this term has two times where it can be used without incurring a major penalty.  The first is when I acquire my time machine and go back in time to watch the 2008 Phillies season until I’ve broken enough space-time continuums that the fabric of the universe falls apart and we all cease to exist.  The other is when discussing Mariano Rivera.  It is painful to hear these announcers call a game where a closer with an ERA over 3.00 gets the first two batters out on slow grounders and then say he’s “lights out tonight.”  I did that in little league, and then immediately gave up 10 runs and we were subjected to the embarrassing mercy rule.  I think I literally pitched lights out that night because they turned off the lights and made us go home because the game was so lopsided. 

Did I just ruin your favorite phrase? Are you mad? Maybe I missed one? Maybe there is one you definitely want on this list? Email me at thesportsriot@yahoo.com or follow us on Twitter @TheSportsRiot.

Go Jets Go!

It’s been a while since we’ve given some love to our favorite city of Winnipeg.  I think the last time might have been when I went to the Flyers/Jets game in Philadelphia, and that was over a month ago.  That’s too damn long, and Winnipeg, I apologize for that.  Considering I’m wearing a Jets shirt today (hopefully Santa heard my request and they’ll be a Kyle Wellwood or Blake Wheeler jersey waiting for me under the tree on Christmas), so today is as good as ever to discuss the state of the Winnipeg Jets.

(SIDEBAR:  Speaking of my Jets tee shirt, it’s a simple faded blue shirt with the new Jets logo on it.  I tend to wear it over a thermal.  Anyway, I’m wearing it at the bar the other day and some cock-eyed smart ass staggers up to me and asks me if I’m wearing a superhero shirt.  Very sarcastically I told him yeah, and that the Batmobile was parked out back.  Idiot…)

Before I get to the Jets I’d like to send my condolences to the Blue Bombers and their loss at the Grey Cup.  The Lions were heavily favored to win it all (it didn’t hurt they were playing in front of their home crowd), and everywhere I listened and heard, no one really gave the Bombers a chance.  They did do better than I thought they would and put on a better showing then the Eskimos. It’s something positive to build on for next season.

Now lets move on to the Jets.  Things are looking really good in Jetsland these days.  They are currently riding a four-game winning streak (at the time of this writing), including a huge 2-1 victory over the defending champion Boston Bruins, and now find themselves only one point behind the Capitals for the eighth spot in the conference. This means me getting a Jets tattoo at seasons end is still in play (I will leave it up to the Rioters! in Winnipeg to decide which logo to get).  Things are beginning to come together for the Jets and there’s a good reason why.

Offense

Over the past month the Jets have found a comfort zone and have finally started to gel going 8-4-1.  Specifically, the month of December has been real good to the Jets as they’ve gone 4-0, outscoring their opponents 11-5.  A lot of this has to do with the emergence of Evander Kane, who has caught fire recording 10 goals and 5 assists (it’s good to see him settled into Winnipeg and no longer disgruntled). 

Kane’s offensive outburst has been contagious as Blake Wheeler (2-G, 10-A), Dustin Byfuglien (4–G, 8–A), Andrew Ladd (6–G, 3–A), and Bryan Little (7–G, 6–A), have shown the Jets can put the puck in the net (especially when they’re playing the Flyers).  Along with faceoff specialist, Jim Slater, the Jets have begun to come together as an offensive unit and have started to make a name for themselves.

While things are looking up offensively, there’s still unnecessary turnovers in the neutral zone, which is killing them.  Also aside from the play of Byfuglien and Chris Thornburn the team lacks a physical presence.

Defense

The Jets defense has also started to put it together.  Despite missing All-Star defenseman Tobias Enstrom and Ron Hainsey due to injuries.  Zach Bogosian has stepped up in a big way (hopefully he’s finally working towards the potential he shown when he was drafted) and The Mark’s (Stuart & Flood) have also filled in nicely.

I’m still with the belief that Byfuglien isn’t a defenseman and is better suited playing the forward position (I’ve seen too many times him bringing the puck in as a forward, turning it over, and unable to get back causing an odd-man rush), but with the current depletion of the defense it makes sense for him to man the blue line (I’d just prefer if he stayed on the point).

The defense still concerns me.  At times they are unable to clear the zone, and they are giving up entire too many shots.  Hopefully when Enstrom and Hainsey are finally healthy they’ll be able to have a sounder defense. 

The good news on the Enstrom front is he’s on the mend from a broken collarbone.  While he’s still a long way from returning it’s encouraging to see him  back skating.

Goaltending

Ondrej Pavelec has proved me wrong.  Going into the season I really didn’t think he had what it took to be a full-time starter in the NHL.  I thought he had the potential to be a nice platoon goaltender, but handling a full load seemed like a stretch.  Well so far this season there are times he’s had to stand on his head, leading to some big wins. 

On the flip side of the coin, there are times when he’s been complete garbage and had to be pulled after surrendering five goals.  While now I’m a believer in Pavelec, I would like to see a little more of Chris Mason.  He’s only started four games to date, and I’m still not sold Pavelec can handle a Martin Brodeur-type workload.

As for Mason, I really don’t have an opinion of him as he’s started sparingly and any other time he’s been used has been strictly mop-up duty after Pavelec was chased with his tail between his legs.  As I’ve already said, I hope he begins to get a little more work at minimum to give Pavelec a rest.

Outlook

It’s not going to be easy for the Jets here on out and making the playoffs still is a reach, considering they do tend to play a Jekyll and Hyde game entirely too often.  One thing working in their favor is the Southeast Division.  Florida is playing over their heads, Washington and Tampa still can’t seem to get their shit together, and Carolina just sucks.  While teams in the division are sputtering, the Jets need to take advantage of this and keep the hot streak alive.

I want to hear from you Winnipeg!  I know you’re reading.  Give me your thoughts here on the site or email me at shatmeself@yahoo.com and let me know.  The Jets are a work in progress, but it’s headed in the right direction.  Go Jets go!

Top 5 One-Time Dynasties

Tiger Woods has been getting a lot of coverage this week with him finally winning an event last weekend (albeit an event he set up, but whose counting right?).  So all of that got me thinking about dominant dynasties in sports history. The ones that make the great comeback, and those that do not, because not all great dynasties make the comeback. It’s easy to pick sports greatest dynasties; Yankees, Canadiens, Steelers, but the one-time dynasties may be a little more interesting. You’ve heard of one-hit wonders; you know the team that barely makes the playoffs and before you know it, they are raising the banner. Well I'm here to bring you the one-hit wonder dynasties. Those great runs that came to an end, and for whatever reason never returned. 

 

5) Tiger Woods – The jury is still out on this one so that’s why he makes this list. Quite possibly the most dominant golfer ever has hit very hard times over the past 3 years both personally and professionally. Hopefully with this win he can be on the road to dominance again and be taken off this list. Only time will tell.

4) Cincinnati Reds and Oakland A’s – The “Big Red Machine” of the mid to late 70’s and the A’s teams of the early 70’s with Rollie Fingers, Catfish Hunter and Reggie Jackson were two of the storied dynasties in baseball history; accounting for six of the ten titles won in that decade. Since then, both franchises have been merely blips on the screen. Each team has won only one title each (ironically in back to back years [89-90] just like their dynasties [A’s- 71-73][Reds 74-76]) and both are now basically irrelevant as we head towards the 2012 season. The A’s are currently selling off their best players as they wait for their inevitable relocation, and the Reds show signs of life every 5 years or so for about a season. Unfortunately for the fine city of Cincinatti, mediocrity then sets in and the Reds once again become the Reds.

3) New York Islanders – From 1979-1984, the New York Islanders put quite possibly the most complete hockey team on the ice in the history of the game. From goaltender Billy Smith, and defenseman Denis Potvin who set the standard for offensive defenseman, to legendary goal-scorer Mike Bossy and playmaker Bryan Trottier; the Isles were an unstoppable force for almost five years. It took the birth of another all-time dynasty (Gretzky’s Oilers) to halt the Islanders at four consecutive Stanley Cups. Unfortunately, the Isle’s have not contended for a division title, let alone a Stanley Cup title since 1987. The Isle’s have made the playoffs a few times, but they were mostly one and done scenarios. It’s gotten so bad on Long Island that I read somewhere that they might move to Quebec. I wonder where that was? http://thesportsriot.blogspot.com/2011/10/hey-why-is-there-no-hockey-in-quebec.html

2) Buffalo Bills – I know what you’re saying “the Bills never won a championship, how can they be considered a dynasty?” I see your point, and this is my answer, if any team appears in 4 consecutive championship games, in any sport, that’s a dynasty. That’s why they made this list and not the “All Time Greatest Dynasties” list when we do one. Since making and losing four consecutive Super Bowls in the early 90’s the Buffalo Bills have only made the playoffs a few times, and haven’t won a playoff game since then. Even this season, after starting off 5-1 the Bills have returned to mediocrity by losing 5 of 6 and are currently sitting at  6-6.

1) Mike Tyson – In a sport that has seen the likes of Muhammed Ali, Rocky Mariciano, Joe Frazier and Joe Louis dominate; Tyson’s reign at the top is one of, if not, the most storied. The legend of Tyson’s domination of the Heavyweight division of professional boxing in the 80’s ranks right up there with the Yankees of the 20’s, the Celtics of the 60’s and the Oilers of the 80’s; it’s that talked about a remembered. Tyson had grown men afraid to fight him. There was even a very popular question that would go around talk shows and bar-rooms in the 80’s; "would you fight Mike Tyson for a million dollars?" An overwhelming number of people chose not to take the money and have to take that punch. This is the reason why Tyson’s dynasty and lack of comeback ranks as #1. Ali won the heavyweight title five times, Holyfield three or four and Foreman lost, waited 10 years to make a comeback and won it again. So the precedent had been set for a heavyweight legend to make a strong comeback after falling. But I think it was the steep fall Tyson took that was his undoing…..oh and the fact that he’s f**king crazy. The decline of Tyson’s reign of terror is so steep that few people talk about his dominance anymore. Most Mike Tyson conversations these days start with “did you here what this crazy mother-f**ker did?” It’s sad, but true. His decline was almost as quick as his unification title fight with Michael Spinks; roughly 90 seconds.

So that’s the list, did I miss anything? Let me know, thesportsriot@yahoo.com or follow on Twitter @TheSportsRiot so you can truly know when my a** is sufficiently wiped.

Jay's Take on NHL Realignment

Howdy my fellow Rioters!  I apologize for my absence.  I was in an automobile accident and suffered what I like to call a Grade 2 Crosby (concussion if you didn’t get the reference).  I’ve spent the past few days feeling like I was drunk, but with a killer headache, and some serious nausea (sharing my medical condition with you Rioters! is what you need).  Although I’m still unsure of my name at times and I occasionally wander into my kitchen, only to pee my pants, but the show must go on.

The NHL is had their Board of Governors Meetings this week in Pebble Beach (even Canadians like to golf), and somehow Commissioner Gary Bettman hammered out the NHL realignment in just under two hours (I really wonder what “favors” he dealt out for 24 of 30 owners to agree on it).  After reviewing it I was on the fence, but after thinking about it some more I stand behind it.

In case you live under a rock or don’t dig on hockey (which makes you an a*hole), next season’s alignment will look like this:

Conference D – Rangers, Islanders, Devils, Flyers, Penguins, Capitals, Hurricanes

Conference C – Bruins, Maple Leafs, Canadiens, Senators, Sabres, Panthers, Lightning

Conference B – Red Wings, Stars, Blackhawks, Blues, Predators, Wild, Jets, Blue Jackets

Conference A –  Oilers, Canucks, Flames, Kings, Coyotes, Sharks, Flames, Avalanche

Although I find the that there’s four conferences as opposed to divisions peculiar, I think moving each team into similar time zones, along with the schedule changes is going to be best for the NHL and its fans as a whole.

PROS:

Return of the Patrick Division – Growing up in New York, the Patrick Division was my favorite division in all of hockey (it never hurt I loved the Flyers and grew up with three local teams who were not named the Flyers).  All of the teams were pretty much within a five hour drive from each other and it was a great rivalry for the fans.  Once the NHL split into six divisions, they moved the Capitals to the Southeast, which really hurt what was the Patrick Division (I loathed the Capitals growing up and Rod Langway was one of the first professional athletes I wanted to punch it in the face).  The Patrick Division being realigned (along with the Hurricanes), really takes me back to a day of the JCHL.  That was a time when the NHL was a dominant force.

Natural Rivalries Remain – I know Mike Ilitch wanted the Red Wings to move to the East, and I know the NHL did everything to bend over for him, but I’m glad the Wings have remained where they are.  The Blackhawks, Blue, and Stars (they were North once), are the Wings natural rivalries (you could even throw the Jets in that basket).  The same can be said for other conferences with Montreal, Boston, Toronto, and Buffalo remaining together, as well as keeping the Oilers and the Flames together so they can continue the “Battle of Alberta”.

Hockey Returns to Quebec?  While it’s not official, every indication seen at the Board of Governors meetings pointed to that.  It seems that within the next couple years (if not next year), the Phoenix Coyotes will be relocating to Quebec City.  Aside from how people were speaking regarding possible relocation, they kept both eight team conferences out West.  Once relocation happens (and it will, Phoenix doesn’t deserve a hockey team), they will simply move the Coyotes (I mean Nordiques), into “Conference C”.   I know it, if you didn’t now you do, and above all Quebec City knows it, so congratulations to them (Quebecers, I’ll do my best to learn French).  Now we all just need to start the campaign to make sure they’re named the Nordiques (which is something all of us at TSR! will stand behind).

Home at Home Schedule – I’ve read that some teams aren’t happy about this (mainly on the East Coast, boo hoo), due to travel, but the new schedule will require each team to play a game in each opposing team’s city.  This is great for fans in the West that don’t get a chance to see Claude Giroux and people on the East Coast to see Daniel Sedin.  Personally I like it because it guarantees me once a year I can root on the Jets and Oilers live from my home in Philadelphia (I’m selfish like that).

CONS:

Room For Expansion – With the good in everything there is always the bad.  The one thing I see that I won’t be a fan of is expansion. 

When you have two conferences each with seven and eight teams, you’d have to think the NHL is going to eventually want eight teams in all four conferences, so it’s balanced.  Whether they are considering putting teams in Seattle, Hamilton, Kansas City, or even Quebec (should by some major malfunction, Gary Bettman’s US-bias continues and doesn’t approve another Canadian relocation), I don’t like the idea.  I’ve made it clear in the past that while I find NHL players to be the most talented of all athletes in North American professional sports (Yeah, I said it, let’s see if Kobe can fire a wrist shot, while getting molested by another teams defense; all this while on skates), ever since expansion I think the talent pool has gotten thin and the game as a whole has suffered.

Playoffs – I do like the initial idea of the top four teams in each conference making the playoffs with the winners facing each other (with a yet to be determined how the finals will pan out, be it record or by geographical location), I will miss how the playoffs are currently structured.  There’s something great about heading into March with four teams battling for one spot.  I’m sure it is possible within the conference, but to me it’s not the same.  Also it leave it open for a team in a weaker conference to slide in when teams in a tougher conference are missing the playoffs (the NFC West has been like that in football for years).

Florida Teams Not Quite Aligned – While the alignment was done the best it could, the Florida teams got the shit end of the stick being thrown in with a bunch of Northeast teams.  While I do like it because it brought back the former Patrick Division (not moving the Flyers and Capitals south), the Panthers and Lightning suffered.  Sure they’ll have to travel a ton but maybe if they really had a true fan base they wouldn’t have been overlooked and given more consideration.

MISC:

 Conference Names – This really isn’t a pro or con (hence while it’s filed under “MISC”), but it’s definitely and interesting debate.  I’ve heard some people think bringing back the old Patrick, Adams, Norris, and Smythe were the way to go (and I like it a ton better then something like Pacific, Central, Northeast, and Atlantic, which is lame), I have a better idea.  It’ll bring back some hockey history and will have relevance to each conference.  Check it:

Conference A: The Wayne Gretzky Conference – The Great One spent his best years with the Oilers, he played on the Kings and coached and owned the Coyotes (at least partially). 

Conference B: The Gordie Howe Conference – Gordie is one of the greatest players who ever donned an NHL sweater and spent almost his entire career in Detroit.

Conference C: The Bobby Orr Conference – The best defenseman the NHL has ever seen (I hope you aren’t reading this Rick, Paul Coffey is still better), he set records that will never be broken.  He also spent his entire career in Beantown and is a legend.

Conference D: The Mario Lemieux Conference – In the 80’s there wasn’t a better player than Lemieux.  Oh wait there was...  Nevertheless Gretzky’s bridesmaid has gone down in history as one of the greatest players ever.  Seeing he was a career Penguin it’s a perfect fit.

I think there’s not a better honor for any of the NHL greats than to name a newly formed conference after them.

What are your thoughts?  Is this just my bruised brain talking (which isn’t too much different than my drunkenness, sans the headache), or am I actually making sense?  Let me know your thoughts.  Hit me up at shatmeself@yahoo.com.  Oh and there’s still that Twitter thing.  You Rioters! are beginning to piss me off.  Log in, search @TheSportsRiot, and “follow”.  It’s not rocket science kids.