Being a sports fan, and a practitioner of Advanced Fandom, I've watched my fair share of sports. I've been to games on all levels and I've watched a ton on TV. At the bar, at my home, at a buddies house; sports watching has happened over the years, and as much as I love to watch, sometimes it's hard to listen. Why you ask? Because you get these guys who want to spew these sports cliches over and over throughout the course of the game. You know what they are. The reason why you know is after about an hour of these d-bag announcers spewing them at you, you have your drunken buddies saying the same damn things. It's a vicous cycle and it needs to end now, or I'm going to kill somebody. So I asked our buddy "Smeck" to write up the Top 5 of the thousands of these phrases that send douche chills down my spine everytime I hear them. 
5- “Going all in” - a team is going to do everything they can to win the championship that year. Why it needs to go – Unless your team is completely out of it and is stripping down and rebuilding, every team is “going all in.” Just because you are using a poker term to define it doesn’t set you apart from say, oh, the other 14 teams still trying to win a championship. I’d love to hear a coach say something like “we’re going pot limit this year” meaning, the goal of the season is to maybe win a playoff game, but not really try to win it all.
4- “Weapon” – A player of a skill position in football.
Why it needs to go – We need to lay this one to rest like the way people buried the word “def” in the early 90s. It was clever once for a little while but pretty quickly wore out its welcome. It’s gimmicky and doesn’t strike fear into anyone. Unless Chuck Norris is on the other team, there is no true “weapon” on the field. I’ll go out on a limb and suggest an outside of the box replacement – “good offense.”
3- “Beast Mode” – When a player is demonstrating above normal levels of athleticism.
Why it needs to go – Do these announcers even know where the term originates? It was from the cartoon series Beast Wars which, in itself, sucked. Overuse is easily killing this one. Rushing for 5 yards on a 1st and 10 at your own 30 isn’t going into “Beast Mode.” This is on par with going to a mid-management meeting and hearing the term “synergy” a million times when not one person in the room can even define what it means.
2- “Take it on the chin” – To suffer a defeat
Why it needs to go – Not going to lie, porn completely ruined this for me. Hearing old players with their grey hair in the broadcast booth talking about the time they took one on the chin – gross.
1-“Lights out”– When a pitcher is unhittable.
Why it needs to go – Going forward, this term has two times where it can be used without incurring a major penalty. The first is when I acquire my time machine and go back in time to watch the 2008 Phillies season until I’ve broken enough space-time continuums that the fabric of the universe falls apart and we all cease to exist. The other is when discussing Mariano Rivera. It is painful to hear these announcers call a game where a closer with an ERA over 3.00 gets the first two batters out on slow grounders and then say he’s “lights out tonight.” I did that in little league, and then immediately gave up 10 runs and we were subjected to the embarrassing mercy rule. I think I literally pitched lights out that night because they turned off the lights and made us go home because the game was so lopsided. Did I just ruin your favorite phrase? Are you mad? Maybe I missed one? Maybe there is one you definitely want on this list? Email me at thesportsriot@yahoo.com or follow us on Twitter @TheSportsRiot.
No comments:
Post a Comment