In celebration of the 8 “crazy” nights of Chanukah The Riot! would like to honor sports most impressive and influential Jewish sports people. From any sports, in any position, we have it all covered. I know what you might be thinking and before you get annoyed or offended, I thought about doing to Top 10 Christian sports personalities of all time, and it’s just another all-time best athletes list. Out of the 10 people on this list, only one or two might be considered on the “All-Time” list. So with that being said, be pissed, or just have some fun, whatever, I’m spinning the dradle and throwing out my list.
10) Mark Roth (PBA Champion) – Roth is in the Top 5 of all-time pro bowlers with 34 titles in his illustrious career. He was the first bowler to crack the $1 million dollar mark in career winnings (it took 34 victories? Jesus) and his 8 victories during the 1978 season still stands as the record for single season wins. Even though Jay dubbed this activity (bowling) a non-sport; he’s still an accomplished sports figure and deserves to be on this list.
(Sidebar- Ryan Braun was booted from this list for being a suspected cheater, which paved the way for Roth. Congrats Mark and Happy Chanukah)
9) Bill Goldberg (Former Rams, Falcons, Panthers DT & Pro Wrestler) – A two sport athlete needs to be on this list. He only spent five years in the NFL, but as a defensive tackle, that’s impressive. But his real fame was built in the world of pro wrestling. While in the now defunct WCW and the WWE in its hey-day, Goldberg was one of the top wrestlers for probably five years. I used to be a wrestling junkie for a while and I have to say (no-homo on this) he has probably the most impressive body I’ve ever seen in pro wrestling. That alone put him on this list.
8) Sarah Hughes/Sasha Cohen (Olympic Figure Skaters) – These two women have done not only America proud, but the chosen people as well. Not only are they highly decorated Olympic skaters (Hughes Olympic gold in 2001, Cohen Olympic Silver in 2005) but they are hot as hell. Especially Sasha Cohen who could be the Anna Kournikova of figure skating and I would still watch. She could fall on every jump and it would not deter me from watching her skate.
7) Bernie Kosar (NFL QB) – Bernie Kosar had the most unfortunate career a QB should ever have to have. He played his prime years at the same time as another legend by the name of John Elway. Elway had thwarted Kosar and the Browns every attempt at a Super Bowl berth with legendary drive after legendary drive. I know that Jewish folk often tend to believe that the world is against them; Kosar has good reason to feel that way. When I watched John Elway march 98 yards in the final five minutes of the 1987 AFC Championship game to tie the game in Cleveland, I thought the Browns were cursed too. 
6) Mark Cuban (Mavs Owner) – The old adage is that the Jewish community own and control all the money. Well starting with the ultra-rich Mark Cuban is good place to start. Arguably the best owner in pro sports is a newly crowned champion and he’s ready to defend his title with a very good team again this season.
5) Sid Luckman (Bears QB) – We’re going old school on this one. Sid was the Bears QB from 1939 – 1950 and during that time he won 4 NFL titles, 1 MVP and was inducted into the NFL Hall of Fame in 1965. Luckman has been credited with recreating the QB position by being the first T-formation QB and was said to be the greatest deep ball thrower of his time. That’s right sports fans, a QB from 1950 threw the ball more than Tim Tebow; I’m just sayin’.
4)Hank Greenberg (Tigers 1st baseman) – Hank hit 338 homers in only 13 seasons and was the premier Home Run hitter of the late 30’s. His best season was 1940 when he hit .340 with 41 homers and 150 RBI…..that’s pretty good. Hank was inducted into the Hall of Fame in 1956.
3) Howard Cosell (Broadcaster) – Wide World of Sports and Monday Night Football has a space parked in my memory forever and ever and along with that comes the very stunted and staccato delivery of one Howard Cosell. Love him, hate him, it didn’t matter you were listening to him in the 70’s and the 80’s because he was the best “entertainer” in sports broadcasting history. Simmer down you Pat Summerall/Al Michaels/Jack Buck fans; I didn’t say he was the best play-caller or analyst ever. I didn’t even say he was my personal favorite. But the fact is that I will always remember Cosell for his delivery and the way he knew how to entertain the viewer no matter what the subject is. He was so good, I bet he could’ve made one of Mark Roth’s title runs seem exciting.
2) Sandy Koufax (Dodgers Pitcher) – I’m going to let the numbers do the talking here because with a nickname like “The Left Arm of God,” there’s nothing words can do.
1963 – 25-5, 1.88 ERA, 11 shutouts, 306 K’s
1964 – 19-5, 1.74 ERA, 7 shutouts, 223 K’s (shortened season)
1965- 26-8, 2.04 ERA, 8 shutouts, 382 K’s
1966- 27-9, 1.73 ERA, 5 shutouts, 317 K’s
He won the Cy-Young in 3 of these 4 years, and the MVP in ’63. The best 4 year stretch in the history of the game, and he retired after the ’66 season as the best in the world.
1) The Commissioners (Gary Bettman NHL, David Stern NBA, Bud Selig MLB) – Again it’s the old saying, that the Jewish people control everything; well here’s the proof in the sports world. Three of the four major sports are led by chosen people and 2 of those 3 have generally done a good job (Selig can bite it). Stern has come under fire as of late because of a drawn out lock-out in the NBA and the Chris Paul debacle and Bettman is criticized constantly by NHL fans everywhere but I think they’ve both done great things for their leagues. In any case, they are number one because they hold the collective fate of most of the sports we love, so here’s to you oh supreme chosen people of sports and Happy Chanukah.
Did I miss someone? Let me know. If you are offended by this piece I apologize, it’s not intended to be offensive, and if you are reading this feeling better because I apologized, then you’re not as bright as you think you are. You should’ve heard what I heard at the bar when I proposed this list. It sounded like you were chosen to rip on, not celebrate. In any case, toss me an email thesportsriot@yahoo.com or follow us on Twitter @TheSportsRiot.
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