On Sunday, after watching the Eagles crush the Jets, I sat down and surfed around the internet. After looking for any new celebrity porn I might have missed, I hit up some of my favorite sports websites. Being a huge hockey fan (and I prefer the perspective), I read Canadian websites more than the websites here in the States, and I checked out TSN (the Canadian version of ESPN). So after reading an article about the reception that Jets fans gave Teemu Selanne in Winnipeg on Saturday (SIDEBAR: Winnipeg, that was a super classy move on your part. Selanne was one of the greatest players who ever donned a Jets sweater and the ovation you gave him on his long overdue return showed how great your fandom is. You understand Advanced Fandom and we love you for that.), I stumbled upon an article on how Quebec Nationalist Groups are upset that Randy Cunneyworth, the interim coach of the Canadiens who was hired to replace the fired Jacque Martin, does not speak French and is an “Anglo”.
Honestly after reading the intro of I thought I was reading an article in the Onion. I mean it had to be a joke. Sadly it wasn’t.
This piece of unintentional comedy (which was written by the Canadian Press and was found in most Canadian publications) went on to say that Habs fans were calling radio stations bitching and complaining that Cunneyworth was from Ontario and didn’t speak French. Some of these assholes went as far as trying to boycott Molson Beer (Molson owns the Canadiens). This isn’t the first time these Nationalistic jackoffs got their tits twisted either. Years back when the Canadiens named Saku Koivu captain of the team (which was well deserved), people where pissed he was from Finland and didn’t speak French.
I laughed aloud. Are things that boring in Quebec that their citizens have a piss fit over a coach not speaking French? Given the shitstorm here in the States, maybe being in Canada is the place to be. I’m more worried about making sure Christmas is taken care of, my bills are paid, and I have a steady income. I could care less what language the coach of my favorite hockey team spoke. Wait, I stand corrected, I want them to speak the language of WINNING.
Hear that Habs fans? Maybe you should be more concerned your new coach speaks the universal language of WINNING (Charlie Sheen knows it well). Then you guys will actually have a watchable product. To piss and moan about the fact Cunneyworth is an “Anglo” and doesn’t speak French is absurd. This isn’t the Canadiens ownership pissing on your Nationalist pride, but trying to do what is best for the fans and the team as a whole.
Speaking of Nationalism you realize that it’s total bullshit right? Nationalism is a polite way of saying Racism. It’s when you think “your kind” is better than other “kinds”. Here in the States, the Ku Klux Klan are pretty Nationalist, and personally I think there’s no difference between French Canadians being upset that an “Anglo” is their coach and someone in Philadelphia being upset if their coach is a “Negro” (yeah, I went there). Above all it’s pretty ignorant and sad (although I tend to find it entertaining, great fuel for a debate, and laughter).
Now look, I know all French Canadians aren’t like these Nationalist chuckleheads. We’ve heard from a lot of you and have received positive feedback when we discussed the need for the return of the Nordiques; so I’m not talking to you. I’m talking to the assholes who love their sheep a little too much and complain about the United States because we can’t accommodate to their French speaking ways (but for some reason they love to come here and spend their Loonies). Those are the people you should laugh at too. That’s why Tebow put them on this planet. We will continue to support a return of the Nordiques and continue to laugh at these Nationalistic morons.
So Canadiens fans, I encourage you to embrace Randy Cunneyworth and drink plenty of Molson (I could go for a Molson Canadian right now). It could be worse, imagine if you had an American coach.
I’m calling out you so-called Nationalists. I can be found at dive bars in South Philly and at thesportsriot@yahoo.com. Remember that I don’t speak French though. You could also follow us on Twitter @TheSportsRiot. That’s not in French either. Les adieux…
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