I know that Chris normally does the Top 5 List, but I’ve decided to give it a shot given it's "All Top 5 Day." After searching through half of the league in search of “The Untouchables”, it got me thinking how many baseball players I loved over the years; but also how many I hate.
Unfortunately I’m finding it actually hard to come up with only five players to hate and who to weed out. I actually wrote down an entire list of players I hated, and slowly narrowed it down. I found that too hard as well, so I’m going for the Top 10.
10 -Fred McGriff
What has two thumbs and hates Fred McGriff? This guy! I’m sure he’s a nice enough guy, pays his child support, and sings in his church choir. I still don’t like him. It all started because a friend of mine loved him and never would shut up about him and the Hall of Fame. Newsflash chief, McGriff is NOT A HALL OF FAME BASEBALL PLAYER!
The common argument my friend would say is he almost hit 500 home runs. He also played for 19 YEARS! Using that logic, if Jamie Moyer comes back from Tommy John Surgery, plays until he’s 55, and winds up winning 300 games he should be in the Hall of Fame. No f*cking way! McGriff’s numbers are slanted because he played forever.
I also don’t dig on the fact that he stayed in the league for an extra two years just so he could hit 500 longballs. Thank god he ran out of favors and no one would give him a sympathy contract.
He also has the worst nickname in the history. The Crime Dog??? Screw you Chris Berman.
9 - Brett Myers
Not just Florida white trash, Brett Myers is also a world class asshole. Aside from acting like a frat boy, who doesn’t realize he’s not in a frat house, I don’t think he should be allowed to breed.
In 2006 after Brett knocked a few back, he got into an argument with his wife and punched her in the face on a Boston street (doesn’t he know when you beat your wife you do it behind closed doors and do your best to hide the bruises?). Brett must have really threatened his wife because she insisted that he doesn’t get prosecuted for knocking her in the chops. Charges were eventually dropped.
In 2007 he got his panties in a bunch with a Philadelphia Inquirer reporter. After getting tattooed by the Padres and blowing a save, he was asked a question he didn’t like. He went on a Lee Elia-like tirade, then called the reporter a “retard”, and challenged him to a fight (he doesn’t just hit women, he’ll also apparently hit the mentally ill).
In 2008 during spring training, Myers had a piss fit because he wanted to be the closer but was told he was returning to the rotation. Maybe if he didn’t suck as a closer the Phillies wouldn’t have gone out and traded for Brad Lidge. To make him feel better Myers undeservingly was named the Opening Day starter.
In 2009 he missed a rehab start due to an eye injury. He told the Phillies he hurt his eye while having a backyard catch with his son. In reality he got loaded and fell face first out of his truck (two things learned here: 1. he’s a bad liar 2. he drinks and drives).
If he wasn’t a baseball player I can bet he’d be kicking back a luke warm Natty Ice in a trailer park somewhere.
8 - Chipper Jones
La-rry! La-rry! Does anyone outside of Atlanta like this guy? I think this is something Mets and Phillies fans can both stand behind. He’s burned the Phillies way to many times for my liking (.333/45/141 in 223 games). I always wished a Phillie reliever would plunk him in the ribs.
He also had a white trash affair that ended his marriage. You’d think being a famous baseball player could get him better tail than a Hooters waitress.
He’s another guy who’s been hanging on too long trying to pad his stats. He hasn’t had a good year in at least three years and is so fragile these days he’ll miss time if he has a hang nail.
What kind of grown man goes by Chipper anyway? From what I understand it’s short for “Chip off the old block.” I guess his old man’s a jerk off too.
7 - Lee Mazzilli
Lee Muttzilli was a first class bust. Originally, he was supposed to be the future of the Mets but he was nothing but a shitty pinch hitter who puttered around the league. He spent most of his career taking up a roster spot from someone who actually had talent. I remember watching a Mets game as a kid and he actually had a game winning hit. Being he was a hero he was a post game interview. Instead of having humility and realizing he’s a scrub, he sounded like Vinnie Barbarino and came off like he was Mickey f*cking Mantle.
He’s also a rat. When he was involved in a Pittsburgh drug ring (Lee liked the blow), he sold the dealer out in exchange for immunity. He pulled that stunt in his home borough of Brooklyn, he’d end up “disappearing”.
Don’t even get my started on his managing abilities. In his second and final season, the Orioles had the second best record in the American League at the All-Star break. The second half they were the god awful, he was shit canned and team finished in 4th place.
6 - Greg Maddux What is there to like about Greg Maddux? Sure he was a hell of a pitcher, probably the greatest pitcher of his era, but he was a princess. He needed to have his own personal catcher. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that a pitcher needs to feel comfortable about who is calling the game, but having your team take up a roster spot with a catcher that couldn’t get a hit if he was hitting a beach ball is flat out selfish. He dragged Henry Blanco around like he was backpack for the better part of 10 years.He had one hell of a personality too. I remember when I lived in Atlanta and they would interview him and it was painful. You could get more information out of a Styrofoam cup. I’d rather hear an interview from the clubhouse manager or beer vendor.
One thing I did find ironic was his nickname. They called him “The Professor”. That was pretty funny since he looked like he had Down syndrome.
5 - Alex Rodriguez
I was never a fan of A-Rod. He always struck me as a smug douchebag. My suspicions were confirmed when I had a chance to meet him.
My ex-wife was an event planner and one of her clients was the New York Yankees. Every year there would be a dinner before the home opener. People who bought tickets would sit in a banquet hall and the Yankees sat at a table on a stage. Before the dinner was a one hour cocktail hour. All the players were there and were available for autographs.
Me being a collector of sports memorabilia, I couldn’t wait for this event. Even though I’m not a Yankees fan, they had a bunch of future Hall of Famers on that team, so I had the chance to land some signed balls to add to my collection.
I arrive at this event and the players come in and everyone gets in a line for an autograph. Most of the players were really nice. Derek Jeter would sign autographs and chat with kids. Mike Mussina was really nice to the fans. My personal favorite was Robinson Cano. He was a pretty funny guy and kept giving Tony Pena a hard time.
Then there was A-Fraud. He was at one end of the room but there was one thing different about him then the other players. He had a bodyguard behind him! A-Rod walks around with a goddamn handler? F*cking really??? He also wouldn’t make eye contact with any of the fans and just muttered to his hired help. That’s a douchebag move.
4 - Clint Hurdle
I didn’t know it was possible for a player to have such shitty stats and actually have a job in Major League Baseball. From 1983-1986 Hurdle barely hit his weight (he didn’t break .195).
That’s not why I don’t like him. If I didn’t like players who sucked Joel Youngblood would have made this list. I just don’t like his face. He reminds me of the kind of guy you meet in a bar who knows everything, is never wrong, and feels the need to give you his opinion, even though you don’t give a shit.
After reading a couple articles I think I might be right about this one. After he found out Andrew McCutchen wasn’t named to the All-Star team (Carlos Beltran was chosen instead), he went to the media and voiced his displeasure. While I agree that McCutchen deserved to be on the team (as was named as an injury replacement), shut your trap.
No one cares about Clint’s opinion except Clint. I’m sure when he managed the All-Star team he did his best to make everyone happy. Wait, he didn’t. He warmed Brad Lidge up four times in that game forcing him to throw over 100 bullpen pitchers (which didn’t make Charlie Manuel happy). I’m sure that wouldn’t have happened if it was Huston Street.
Mark my words. If I ever meet Clint Hurdle, I’m going to punch him in the face.
3 - JD Drew
If you’re a Phillies fan, you hate JD Drew. It’s just how it works. He can save a basket full of kittens from a burning building and anytime he plays in Philadelphia he will get heckled and booed.
The Phillies drafted Drew with the second overall pick in the 1997 draft. He refused to sign with Philadelphia unless they paid him at least 10 million dollars. The Phillies wouldn’t meet those terms so he re-entered the draft the following year and went to the Cardinals.
I take pleasure knowing that he’s had an injury-plagued career and never lived up to the player he was supposed to be.
2 - Joe Carter
Before Red Sox fans uttered the phrase “Aaron F*cking Boone”, Phillies fans uttered “Joe F*cking Carter”.
In Game 6 of the 1993 World Series, Joe Carter hit a game-winning, walk-off home run off Mitch Williams in the bottom of the ninth giving the Blue Jay their first World Series title.
Before that, I never had an issue with Carter. After that home run, I couldn’t stand him. That alone is reason enough for me.
1 - Cody Ross
Well we made it to #1, and this might be the most bizarre hatred for a player because I can’t stand Cody Ross. My friends don’t understand it, but just the sight of him makes me angry.
It is hard to understand because he’s not a good player. In reality he’s a decent fourth outfielder and it has nothing to do with him killing the Phillies in last season's NLCS because the hatred for Ross started long before that.
He just looks like an asshole; well more like a hobbit that wears a shit-eating grin. He strikes me as the kind of guy when you’re in school would tell the teacher she forgot to assign homework, or the annoying little brother who can’t wait to tell mom on you for giving him a wedgie.
After looking at his stats maybe I didn’t intentionally realize it, but he kills the Phillies and has more home runs and RBI’s against the Phillies than any other team. Either way I friggin’ hate the guy and I get urges to start random internet rumors about him.
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