Arena Football Returns! Seven People Care...
Hey football fans! Sad there's no real football for seven more months (that joke of an all-star game doesn't count, and don't get me started on the preseason)? Well fear not, in a few short days the AFL is set to return!
After a one year hiatus due to pending bankruptcy, the AFL (Arena Football League if you're not in the know), will be back giving football fans the gridiron battles they have sorely missed.
I'm totally kidding. Football fans will have to wait until September to see football. Arena football sucks...
In case you don't know, let me break arena football down for you (and the excitement that comes along with it). Played indoors (duh), arena football is played on a 50 x 25 yard field. There are no sidelines, but boards (like hockey but without the glass). The goal posts are much smaller than regular football (I didn't care enough to look up the actual width, but I'd guess it's smaller than the length of a Honda Civic). Most of the games are high scoring (I mean even a chimpanzee can move a ball 50 yards on four downs). Oh, and most players play multiple positions on offense and defense.
While the AFL does have franchises in major cities with real sports teams, a lot of the cities are better known for minor league baseball. The target audience is Middle American simpletons. I compare it to indoor soccer or professional lacrosse (I use the term "professional" very loosely), but a step below the XFL (mainly because of Rod "He Hate Me" Smart).
Here in Philadelphia the franchise is named The Soul. They are owned by Jon Bon Jovi (whose music has gotten progressively worse since 7200 Degrees Fahrenheit), and apparently the current league champion. You don't see many people around the city with Soul gear on (mainly because no one cares), and when you do, it's usually some overweight slob from outside the city (aka Pennsltucky).
Part of what prompted me to write this was a debate I had at the bar last week. I was sitting with friends, enjoying a cigarette, a cold Schlitz, a bit of whiskey and discussing the pending Super bowl when this guy walked in.
Looking like your stereotypical AFL fan (big belly, acid or stone washed jeans, sporting a Soul jersey and hat); he waddles toward the bar and proclaims the return of the World Champion Philadelphia Soul (thoughtlessly interrupting the current conversation).
After getting some strange looks from some regulars, he proceeds to continue his spewing of arena football. As entertaining as it was, it gets annoying when you are talking sports with a guy who has no concept of sports.
Here's a few of this jerks thought provoking comments (I actually wrote them down so I wouldn't forget):
"The AFL has some of the most gifted athletes in the world."
Whiskey almost came out of my nose when I heard this. While I will agree they are athletically talented, these people are not professional athletes. At best it's a part time job or a slightly paid hobby. Professional athletes don't need to supplement their income by working at Starbucks or as a personal trainer. They are a step above bar league softball.
"Arena football is the most physically grueling sports around"
So is bowling and badminton... Would agree with an argument that REAL football is physically grueling or maybe even hockey, but 11 guys prancing around a field when they might get tackled in a padded wall, doesn't remotely come close.
"It's going to be the biggest sport in the world in a few short years."
This is what I mean when it's annoying talking with or listening to a clueless fool discussing sports. Biggest in the world? When you have teams based in Tulsa and Des Moines, you have a long way to go to reach the four corners of the Earth. As much as it pains me to say this, soccer is the most popular sport in the world and it will continue to be that way as long as the world has third world countries.
I can continue, but I think I made a point of what kind of jackass this guy was. He made the average NASCAR fan look like a member of MENSA.
Going against my better judgment I decided to engage with this brain surgeon and let him know how full of shit he was. I shot down all the bullshit he was spewing, and informed him the sport is stupid and the average player couldn't make the practice squad on an NFL team. Of course he disagreed because you can never win arguing with an idiot. Then I asked him to name one AFL star (being they are the world’s most gifted athletes). After thinking for a minute, he comes up with one; Kurt Warner.
Ah... Who can forget the AFL darling Kurt Warner??? One year struggling with the Iowa Barnstormers and working nights at a grocery store only to be the Super bowl MVP the next year. Sure he's going to the Hall of Fame in a few years, but the choad at the bar totally missed the point. No one knew of or gave a rat’s ass about Warner when he was a Barnstormer. He was a hick playing a fake sport in a third rate city.
In closing, not is only the concept of arena football stupid, but most of their fans are highly functioning retards. Do yourself a favor. Watch reruns of The World’s Strongest Man on ESPN Classic until September. You'll be better off...
Hey football fans! Sad there's no real football for seven more months (that joke of an all-star game doesn't count, and don't get me started on the preseason)? Well fear not, in a few short days the AFL is set to return!
After a one year hiatus due to pending bankruptcy, the AFL (Arena Football League if you're not in the know), will be back giving football fans the gridiron battles they have sorely missed.
I'm totally kidding. Football fans will have to wait until September to see football. Arena football sucks...
In case you don't know, let me break arena football down for you (and the excitement that comes along with it). Played indoors (duh), arena football is played on a 50 x 25 yard field. There are no sidelines, but boards (like hockey but without the glass). The goal posts are much smaller than regular football (I didn't care enough to look up the actual width, but I'd guess it's smaller than the length of a Honda Civic). Most of the games are high scoring (I mean even a chimpanzee can move a ball 50 yards on four downs). Oh, and most players play multiple positions on offense and defense.
While the AFL does have franchises in major cities with real sports teams, a lot of the cities are better known for minor league baseball. The target audience is Middle American simpletons. I compare it to indoor soccer or professional lacrosse (I use the term "professional" very loosely), but a step below the XFL (mainly because of Rod "He Hate Me" Smart).
Here in Philadelphia the franchise is named The Soul. They are owned by Jon Bon Jovi (whose music has gotten progressively worse since 7200 Degrees Fahrenheit), and apparently the current league champion. You don't see many people around the city with Soul gear on (mainly because no one cares), and when you do, it's usually some overweight slob from outside the city (aka Pennsltucky).
Part of what prompted me to write this was a debate I had at the bar last week. I was sitting with friends, enjoying a cigarette, a cold Schlitz, a bit of whiskey and discussing the pending Super bowl when this guy walked in.
Looking like your stereotypical AFL fan (big belly, acid or stone washed jeans, sporting a Soul jersey and hat); he waddles toward the bar and proclaims the return of the World Champion Philadelphia Soul (thoughtlessly interrupting the current conversation).
After getting some strange looks from some regulars, he proceeds to continue his spewing of arena football. As entertaining as it was, it gets annoying when you are talking sports with a guy who has no concept of sports.
Here's a few of this jerks thought provoking comments (I actually wrote them down so I wouldn't forget):
"The AFL has some of the most gifted athletes in the world."
Whiskey almost came out of my nose when I heard this. While I will agree they are athletically talented, these people are not professional athletes. At best it's a part time job or a slightly paid hobby. Professional athletes don't need to supplement their income by working at Starbucks or as a personal trainer. They are a step above bar league softball.
"Arena football is the most physically grueling sports around"
So is bowling and badminton... Would agree with an argument that REAL football is physically grueling or maybe even hockey, but 11 guys prancing around a field when they might get tackled in a padded wall, doesn't remotely come close.
"It's going to be the biggest sport in the world in a few short years."
This is what I mean when it's annoying talking with or listening to a clueless fool discussing sports. Biggest in the world? When you have teams based in Tulsa and Des Moines, you have a long way to go to reach the four corners of the Earth. As much as it pains me to say this, soccer is the most popular sport in the world and it will continue to be that way as long as the world has third world countries.
I can continue, but I think I made a point of what kind of jackass this guy was. He made the average NASCAR fan look like a member of MENSA.
Going against my better judgment I decided to engage with this brain surgeon and let him know how full of shit he was. I shot down all the bullshit he was spewing, and informed him the sport is stupid and the average player couldn't make the practice squad on an NFL team. Of course he disagreed because you can never win arguing with an idiot. Then I asked him to name one AFL star (being they are the world’s most gifted athletes). After thinking for a minute, he comes up with one; Kurt Warner.
Ah... Who can forget the AFL darling Kurt Warner??? One year struggling with the Iowa Barnstormers and working nights at a grocery store only to be the Super bowl MVP the next year. Sure he's going to the Hall of Fame in a few years, but the choad at the bar totally missed the point. No one knew of or gave a rat’s ass about Warner when he was a Barnstormer. He was a hick playing a fake sport in a third rate city.
In closing, not is only the concept of arena football stupid, but most of their fans are highly functioning retards. Do yourself a favor. Watch reruns of The World’s Strongest Man on ESPN Classic until September. You'll be better off...
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