Jay's Christmas Wishes (A Top 5 Tale)

Dear Santa, It’s that time of year again when you put on your red suit and give all the good children presents-- and the bad ones, well, they’re shit out of luck.  Now I know I’m not a kid, and it’s highly doubtful I made the Good List this year, but I do have a few requests.  Don’t worry; it’s nothing crazy like a car, a winning lottery ticket, or instant fame and success (although I wouldn’t complain about those).  It’s just some basic wishes that I that I think, with your influence and with a couple of calls, you can make happen.  Although I haven’t been the ideal guy this year, I’ll be sure to leave out cookies and milk for you (this year I’ll make sure the milk isn’t spoiled) if you do me this solid and hook me up with these requests.

5 – For the Clippers to be the Dominant Basketball Team in La-La Land - Before you think it, I’m not jumping on the Clippers bandwagon.  The NBA lockout has left a residual bad taste in my mouth, so unless the topic is the Knicks, I’m not really interested.  I would like to see the Clippers make a move to relevance --not because I think Chris Paul and Blake Griffin will be a great 1-2 scoring punch, but because I’m sick of the Lakers.  I’m over Kobe and his personal life, I find Pau Gasol disturbing to look at, and I didn’t like the way they moaned and bitched when the trade for CP3 was denied by the league. 

Considering the Clippers have never been a good team (and the only Clippers fan I can think of is Bill Simmons), it would be refreshing to see them take over LA and, for once, the Lakers take a back seat.  Besides, it’ll be funny to see all these life-long Clippers fans come out of the woodwork when they’re in the playoffs.

4 – For There to be a Hot Player in the WNBA – I’m not sure if this can actually happen because I’m not sure the WNBA is actually still in existence.  I don’t watch it, and I don’t know anyone who does.  It is possible for that to change though, just by adding a little eye candy (which to my knowledge they’ve never had, unless you count Rebecca Lobo, but she only looked hot because everyone around her really wasn’t).

Look, sex sells and men are pigs; if you bring in a couple less-talented-but-smoking-hot players into the league, dudes will start watching the WNBA (men can overlook a terrible product if they get to stare at hot chicks on a basketball court.  We’re shallow like that).  It worked for tennis.  Personally I don’t like to watch tennis, but if Maria Sharapova is playing Petra Kvitova, I’ll pause my channel surfing and watch a couple of sets.  It’s what guys do.  Ladies, if you’re dating a guy who said he wouldn’t do that, he’s lying.

3 – For the Jets to Make the Playoffs – With 33 games under their inaugural belt, the Jets are 15-13-5, currently sitting in 11^th place in the Eastern Conference with 35 points.  Their record isn’t as impressive as it should be, mainly due to a poor start, but things are turning around in Winnipeg.  The Jets are 6-2-1 in the month of December and have made the MTS Centre their own, going an impressive 6-1-1 this month.

Although the Jets are currently in 11^th place in the conference, they are only one point behind the eighth-seed Senators and seven points behind the division-leading Panthers.  If the Jets continue their up-tempo style of hockey, there’s no reason to think the playoffs are out of reach.
Should they make the playoffs, I will keep my word and get a Winnipeg Jets tattoo, the logo chosen by the Rioters! in Manitoba.

2 – For the Marlins to Still Suck – I don’t like the Marlins.  I never have and I never will.  The fact that they have won more World Series titles in their existence than the Phillies have during that period, makes me sick.  Any ownership group that puts together a World Series team only to tear it down the next season doesn’t deserve to own a sports franchise.

Now the Marlins are “Miami”, and they are going into a new stadium, with horrific looking uniforms, and have made a splash in free agency; all fourteen of the Marlins faithful think they have a legitimate chance at challenging the Phillies for the division.  Sure, the additions of Mark Buerhle, Heath Bell, and Jose Reyes are nice, but their manager is a cocky, obnoxious asshole who would rather drop ten f-bombs during a press conference than actually formulate an articulate sentence as to how his team performed.
I know Ozzie Guillen stepped in shit once and won a World Series with the White Sox, but that’ll never happen again.  Guillen was a loser as a player and a loser as a manager.  Couple that with a city that doesn’t care about the Marlins, and they’ll be selling off pieces during next year’s trade deadline when the team is in the red.

1 – For the Eagles to Fire Andy Reid – I understand it’s not the best fandom to hope your team loses, but I think in some cases it’s allowed.  For example, for Colts fans, I can understand wanting them to lose so they win the Andrew Luck lottery, or in my case, hoping the Eagles would continue to lose so Andy Reid would finally be fired and some fresh blood would be brought into Philadelphia Eagles football.

While I think it could happen, it’s probably not likely, but I’m hopeful that Santa can get a hand in there and work some magic.  The Eagles’ little hot streak, and their outside shot at making the playoffs, is the worst thing for an Eagles fan.  The hot streak will end up as gigantic blue balls, as it’s just enough decent play to give fans a false sense of hope.  Eagles fans, forget it; it’s not going to happen.  This little hot streak at the end of the season is just enough to save Andy’s fat ass.  He’ll be back next season and we’ll continue to be frustrated.
Unless you’re an Eagles fan and see what he does week in and week out, you won’t understand my frustration.  People might see a coach that takes his team to the year after year, but I see a guy who’s an asshole to the media, doesn’t know how to manage a clock and isn’t capable of winning the big game.  As an Eagles fan, I’m sick of being a bridesmaid.

Santa, I think you can make these things happen.  I promise to be good next year.  I’ll drink less, not curse as much, and do my best to be less offensive.  No promises, but I’ll try.

Love,

Jay
The Sports Riot!

On a more serious note, we like to joke around here at The Sports Riot!, and I hope you are entertained (if you’re not, there’s probably something wrong with you).  But for a second I want to take a second and give love to those who we might take for granted.  While most of us will wake up on Christmas morning with a marginal hangover getting ready to open gifts, there are people who won’t be home.  They’ll be out working their asses off to help us. 

There are firefighters who are sitting in their firehouse waiting in case they need to prevent or stop a holiday tragedy.  It’s their job to literally put their lives on the line and save the Average Joe and for that I thank them.  There are the police who are out patrolling the street keeping us safe, and there are the doctors and nurses who are manning emergency rooms ready to help should some unfortunate action happen.  And most importantly, there are the brave members of our military, some of whom won’t be home for Christmas, in the name of freedom and patriotism.
All these people will be sacrificing time with their families to help us.  I am grateful to all of them.