A Christmas Wish Amended

Hello and Happy Holidays to you all. Listen, I had a cute little “Top 5” X-mas list like Jay did, but something happened on X-mas eve that completely changed my whole perspective on what I was hoping for this year. My original list included

*a new brand set of golf clubs marketed by Tiger Woods called “Strip Clubs”

*for the Hartford Whalers and Minnesota North Stars to return to the NHL so I can see those awesome green jerseys every other night again

*for French Canadians to take to the streets with berets on taking out non-French speaking people in their province (province is funny) by burning English to French dictionaries on their lawns and being snooty to them every chance they get

*and of course a Jets Super Bowl berth in my near future (that’s right a true Jets fan doesn’t wish for something ridiculous like a Super Bowl victory, you’re just setting yourself up for failure).

Well as I’m sure you well know the Jets spit the bit on Saturday in typical “Jets” fashion. You know the emotional push and pull I’ve come to expect from a Jets game. You’re up, you’re down, you’re left you’re right, in and out….all the clichés all wrapped into one mind-melding clusterf**k of pain and suffering that you pray is worth it after the clock hits triple zero. Too often this season, and in the lifetime of this fandom, it has not been. Every Sunday, it’s like poking a deep wound, and just when the wound starts to heal, you rip that scab off and start poking again. It’s like taking the most unhappy moment of your life, and thinking about those moments right before that….when everything was normal and good and them BAM! it happens. But then moments later, happiness….and then BAM! Despair again; over and over again, for 3 and a-half hours.  

The only joy I took in Saturday’s ridiculous display of torture the Jets put on for their fans was that Eagles fans went through it with us. HaHaHa, LMFAO times 1000! You thought you had rough Mr. Eagles fan? How’d you like that shit on Saturday HUH? Try doing that 16 times a season, not including playoffs. My God, it’s so much worse now because everyone (including Eagles fans) expected the Jets to win that game. Let me tell you as a Jets fan, expectations don’t happen very often for the Jets and in typical Jets fashion, they let TWO FANDOMS DOWN, not just one.

Only a team like the Jets could disappoint twice as many people at one time, and in such a torturous manner too. I mean c’mon, can this team just get its ass handed to them in a big game just once. I know it sounds weird coming from a fan, but losing that game on Saturday 45-3 would’ve been so much better than losing 29-14; especially when it was 20-14 with 3 minutes left and possession of the ball. That smelled like a possible victory. Instead we got Safety, a failed onside punt; an exclamation point TD run by Bradshaw and then a desperation heave INT by Sanchez all in two minute span. That’s how the Jets roll folks.

This brings me to my new X-mas wish. I don’t want to be a Jets fan anymore. I know what you’re saying (most women have said this to me) “just stop watching. Stop caring.” Yeah right. It’s just not that simple, sorry to break it to you. A team like this has an emotional hold on you, like some sort of hypnotization that I can’t break. No matter what I do, I’m going to keep watching and keep hoping. Even when the game is out of reach, I’m chasing the loss. So I can’t do it myself, I need some magic to stop being a Jets fan.  So I’m asking Santa for a belated gift, or I can even wait till next year if necessary; please, PLEASE, make this pain stop. Please, let me wake up one morning and be a Packers fan, or a Niners fan (since I live in the Bay Area now anyway).  Thank you.

I guess if Santa can’t help me, then I’ll ask Tebow…maybe he can do it for me.

Now I know what’s going to happen this weekend, the Jets will kill the Dolphins, the stars will align and they will get into the playoffs. I’m asking you Rioters! to be my support group here; AFA (Abused Fans Anonymous – for those fans who just can’t take it anymore) if the Jets make it in, don’t let me get excited or let my expectations get high. The Jets latest form of torture has been the worst, they made me a believer and now they are killing me for it. Rioters! I need your help. Your fearless leader, who has guided you through your Fandom, now needs your help to get through this.

For encouraging emails and hopeful “pick-me-ups” send them to thesportsriot@yahoo.com, or follow my descent into madness @TheSportsRiot on twitter.