Since I didn’t travel to Arizona for the All-Star Game and FanFest (I guess the ever so hygienic Bud Selig never mailed those comp tickets I requested), we might as well continue with The Untouchables, this time with the NL Central.
Milwaukee Brewers – Chris’s pick to win the National League Pennant this year currently is tied for first place with the Cardinals, and if the second half is anything like the first half, it’s going to be a dog fight the rest of the summer.
*Ryan Braun – Braun led the league in All-Star votes this season, and is without a doubt one of the best outfielders in all of baseball. He brings all five-tools to the table and despite some of the injuries he has fought off this year, he’s a top reason the Brew Crew is making a playoff push.
*Prince Fielder – Prince (no relation to that singer guy) might not be the best defensive first baseman in the game, or might not to be able to see his feet if he looks down, but his bat is down right nasty. He’s currently second in the league in home runs with 22 and tied for first in RBI’s with 72. A free agent at seasons end, Fielder will be a top free agent this off-season.
St. Louis Cardinals – As stated above the Cardinals are tied with the Brewers for first place in the NL Central, despite Adam Wainwright missing the entire season with Tommy John Surgery and Albert Pujols missing time with a broken wrist.
*Albert Pujols – Although his numbers are a bit down from his career averages, Pujols is the best player in baseball. A three-time MVP, Pujols is a juggernaut at the plate and plays gold glove defense. Any team in the league would want his services, and given the fact he’s probably testing the free agent waters after the season, the bidding war will begin.
*Matt Holliday – This was a tough call of me. Not that I doubt Holladay’s ability, I just don’t like him (second only to Cody Ross). His bald, bulbous head just pisses me off so I was going to give it to Chris Carpenter, but I can’t justify that considering he’s been pitching like shit over the first half. Then I thought Ryan Theriot, because he’s The Riot!, but I’m trying to be unbiased. Anytime an outfielder can give you 25-30 home runs, drive in over 100 RBI’s, while maintaining a batting average well over .300, he’s an untouchable.
Pittsburgh Pirates – Clearly the biggest surprise in baseball over the first half, the Pirates are amazingly four games over .500 and only a game out of first place at the All-Star Break, giving me reason not to refer to their city as Shittsburgh anymore (although I still will because the Steelers and Penguins suck).
*Andrew McCutchen – I’ve been a big fan of this guy ever since he was a minor league prospect. He leads the Pirates in all offensive categories and is only 24 years old. Not since the days of Barry Bonds have the Pirates had such a tremendous player. Oh, and we also share a birthday.
*Clint Hurdle - It pains me to put him on this list because I HATE Clint Hurdle. I hated him when he was a scrub backup catcher and I loathed him when he managed the Rockies. I’d actually like to punch him in the face. I can’t deny one thing though. He knows how get the most out of what he has, even if on paper it’s not the most talented looking bunch. He’s clearly the NL manager of the year at this point, and actually is helping make people care about baseball in Pittsburgh, which is something that hasn’t happened since I was in high school. In no way would the Pirates be where they are right now if John Russell was still managing them. It’s good to see a team with some good baseball history being relevant again.
Cincinnati Reds – The Reds are in third place only four games out of first place. What’s more impressive is they are still in contention despite a pitching staff that hasn’t been able to get it together all season (what’s more impressive is Dusty Baker hasn’t been riding them like mules).
*Joey Votto – The reigning NL MVP continues to put up strong numbers despite waking up daily and knowing him and Bryan Adams have the same homeland. In his first three seasons have been better than one prior and he is on pace to make that happen again this season. He leads all of baseball with an astounding .438 on-base percentage. He’s the type of player you build a franchise around.
*Brandon Phillips – Jay Bruce was probably a more obvious choice here and I debated going that route, but I like Phillips a little better. While Bruce has a ton of power, an outfielder who can rake but strikes out often and bats .270 is a replaceable. There aren’t too many second basemen who can hit for average and power, while playing gold glove defense, but Phillips is one of them.
Chicago Cubs – Like every other year, the Cubs are becoming an underachieving joke. Known as “Lovable Losers”, they are playing to their nickname. Maybe people from the Northside of Chicago should realize there’s nothing lovable about losing.
*Starlin Castro – If there’s one bright spot the Cubs have its Castro. Last season he finished fifth in Rookie of the Year voting, and this season he’s building on last year’s success. He’s currently second in the league in hits and third in the league in triples. His defense could use improvement, but he’s only 21 (we least that what he claims, he is Dominican) so he still hasn’t come into his own.
*Billy Sianis – Who is Billy Sianis you ask? Sianis owned the Billy Goat Tavern in Chicago. On October 6, 1945, Sianis purchased two World Series tickets. One for him and one for his goat “Murphy” (only in Chicago people deem it okay to bring livestock to a baseball game). In the fourth inning Sianis and his goat were asked to leave due to other fans complaining about the goat’s odor (Maybe Sianis should have bathed his goat). Sianis, not understanding why people would complain about his precious goat, cursed the Cubs and said they would never win again. Since then the Cubs have not been to a World Series. Knowing this helps me sleep better at night.
Houston Astros – The Astros season is a total disaster. They currently sit in last place in the Central a mere 32 games under .500 and sport the worst record in baseball (this makes Cubs fans happy because it’s not them). None of their starters have a winning record, and former Phillie, Brett Myers, is having a dismal season at 3-9 (this makes me happy).
*Hunter Pence – Pence is the only bright spot on this entire team. Pence leads the Astros in all offensive categories except stolen bases (that would be Michael Bourn). He’s currently third in the National League in batting average and fourth in extra base hits without having anyone protecting him in the lineup. Imagine what this kid could do if he didn’t have a minor league supporting case?
*Ed Wade – This list already includes a manger and a bar owner who loves livestock a little too much, so why not add a general manager? Mention the name Ed Wade to any Phillies fan and they will cringe or just get angry. Talk about a guy who doesn’t know how to make a good decision. Some of his brilliant moves were trading Curt Schilling to Arizona for Omar Daal, Vincente Padilla, and Travis Lee as well as giving bloated contracts to Bobby Abreu, Pat Burrell, and Jim Thome (all of these contracts had no trade clauses). Sports Illustrated ranks him as the 29th best GM in baseball (I wonder what incompetent buffoon finished below him). My personal highlight was when former Astros pitcher Shawn Chacon choked him out in the locker room. Rumor is Astros fans applauded the move. Oh, and Wade has no chin. I don’t trust people who lack a chin. They have no soul (as do ginger kids and midgets).
Did I miss anyone? Send your comments to shatmeself@yahoo.com and we’ll rap about it. Stay tuned for The Untouchables “NL West”. Coming soon to a computer screen near you!
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