Howdy fellow Rioters! I finally made it back to The City of Brotherly Love without catching a random STD or spending the night in jail. I had my highs and lows on the road, and while I did have a hell of a time, it’s great to be back home. Stay tuned as there will be more updates from the road (I’m seriously behind due to lack of internet, laziness, and alcohol). But I don’t want to ruin any shenanigans ahead of time. Now that I’m back home, and finally settled in, I can actually focus on sports again (which is real nice because as much as I love music, I need sort of a break after the past five weeks).
Fantasy Might Kill Me
For those who know me know that I’m a big fantasy dork. Yeah ladies, I know it’s a real becoming character trait along with my drinking and chain smoking, but it’s just a way of life. I’m currently in three fantasy baseball leagues, four fantasy football leagues, and I just registered for my first fantasy hockey league prior to typing this (the ladies are really getting moist right now).
Anyway, one thing about being on the road is it killed my fantasy teams. Let’s start with Baseball.
I’ve been in the same three leagues for years, and one is a keeper league that I run. Although I’m not the baddest motherf*cker, I’m competitive every season and once the playoffs are said and done if I didn’t win the league, I’m in the top three. Not this year. In one league I finished in tenth and didn’t make the playoffs, in another I finished in third and lost in the quarterfinals so at best I’ll finish fifth, and in my keeper league I finished fifth but lost in the quarterfinals so at best I’ll finish fifth (although I’m getting my ass kicked so that’s not going to happen). Part of this is my own laziness but mainly due to lack of even cell phone coverage in 80% of this country; I couldn’t make lineup changes.
Poor me, I know. On to football.
I joined three leagues I’ve played on in the past (one which I’m the commissioner which I totally botched because not enough people signed up, I never made it public, and became a six-team league), and one new league. Being on the road, I was unable to draft my own teams, so all strategy on my end is already out the window. Oh, and it showed. I lost in all four leagues. I just didn’t lose, I was embarrassed. Sure it’s only Week 1 and I’m confident I can rebound but the waiver wires aren’t much to my liking.
Again, poor me. I know most of you don’t care about this, unless of course we’re in the same league (and I know you bastards are reading), but it’s been a while since I’ve gotten my Riot! on, so I need to get the brain processing properly (now that the alcohol is fading away).
Sorry Boston
As a sports fan I really enjoy when a team collapses (luckily mine doesn’t collapse, they just have mostly sucked until the past five years, except the Orioles and Oilers, who have continued to suck). When the Red Sox came back from down three games to nothing to the Yankees to win the World Series, I was on the edge of my seat. When the Flyers came back from 3-0 against the Bruins to advance to the Stanley Cup, I was ready to parade down Broad Street. Watching the Mets implode numerous times in September to let the Phillies win the division made me happier than the birth of my son (okay, well if I had a son), and now the Red Sox are on the verge of handing the Wild Card to the Rays.
One month ago (at the time of this writing), the Red Sox were 74-47 and had a commanding Wild Card lead of nine games over the Rays and ten over the Angels. Now flip the calendar one month forward and the Red Sox lead is a mere three games on the Rays and four on the Angels. They’ve gone 2-8 in their last ten games; making them one of the coldest teams in baseball (the Twins have gone 1-9 giving them the worst record in the American League). To put salt on this open wound, they are also facing a hot Rays team this weekend that is hungry for the Wild Card (they already won the opening game of a four-game series, 9-2).
As I’ve watched this unfold, I couldn’t be happier.
While watching the Red Sox beat the Yankees was historic, and sure watching two teams I love taking advantage of a collapse, but I’m finding this one particularly sweet because I hate Red Sox fans.
Now we do preach advanced fandom here, so I have full respect for fans that have their love for the Red Sox, but the average Red Sox fan gives those who practice fandom a bad name.
When the Red Sox were under “The Curse of the Bambino”, they had a smart dedicated fan base, who year in and year out were loyal to their team. Then they started to contend and Red Sox fans came out of the woodwork. That’s when that “Red Sox Nation” bullsh*t started and they became America’s sweetheart. Once they won the World Series, “The Nation” really grew and every asshole around became a Red Sox fan.
I remember back in the day when Red Sox fans hated the Yankees, not just because of their historic rivalry, but Yankee fans acted superior and lacked class. Well Red Sox fans, you’ve become what you hated the most, and watching the sadness on your face while Jonathon Papelbon blows a save or David Ortiz strike out in a clutch situation puts a smile on my face.
Sure I know anyone who is a Red Sox fan and disagrees (which is fine, I don’t expect you too), will bring up Philadelphia and the reputation they have as a fans. That is fine, there are assholes in every fan base, especially when a team becomes a contender, but don’t confuse passion for pompous superiority.
Manny’s Just Being Manny
Well add wife beater to the list of things of what makes Manny, well, Manny. It’s unknown what Manny's wife did causing him to slap her in the face which knocked her head into the headboard of their bed, but I’m willing to bet they’ll never be a dirty dish in the sink again.
In celebration of taking Manny Being Manny to a new level I’d like to take a few minutes to look at some of Manny Being Manny highlights:- Being the current event expert he is, he was confused during the OJ Simpson slow speed chase (with the great Al Cowlings), thinking it was teammate Chad Ogea.
- He showed up late for spring training for “family reasons”. His “family reasons” were he wanted to attend an auto auction in Atlantic City.
- In an effort to make some side cash (I guess he needed the money), he decided to attempt to sell his barbeque grill on eBay.
- Signed a two-year deal with the Dodgers, and then was promptly suspended for 50 games for violating the leagues steroid policy.
- Suspended for 100 games for his second violation of the league’s steroid policy.
- Abruptly retires from the Tampa Bay Rays after starting the season 1 for 17. He claims the suspension had nothing to do with his retirement.
- Arrested for assault after slapping his wife.
Manny Being Manny is becoming Manny Being a Piece of Shit…
I Hate the MLSI’ve never been a soccer fan. As a kid I played soccer for a few years but I recall spending more time wanting to eat oranges and picking dandelions on the field. It never interested me. I’ve always found it slow and boring. Sure as I got older I found the World Cup interesting, but mainly because I like watching world competition.
Once the MLS came into play, I had no interest in it. To me it’s up there with the WNBA; an afterthought in my book. I just don’t see the point in it and how people actually attend these games. Okay, I get in some cities like Kansas City, Salt Lake City, and Portland, who don’t have a ton of major sports, but New England, Washington DC, and Philadelphia? There’s a better product on many levels that should be watched.
Little things I can’t get over either, like when franchises try and name their team like a European Premier team. Real Salt Lake? Come on. Be a little original. That’s like if the Israeli Baseball League had the Tel-Aviv Yankees. It’s silly.
Anytime someone in a bar tries to sway me on why I should follow the MLS I break it down very simply. It’s a league made up of three things:
1) Aging Europeans whose career is burnt out in Europe but can make a quick few million in America as a draw.
2) Young Americans who are good that are only playing in the MLS with hopes that a good European team will scout them and sign them to a big contract.
3) Americans who aren’t good enough to play in Europe, but they are good enough to fill a roster.
So for me to watch sit and watch a bunch of scrubs, Eurotrash, and players who are using the MLS as a stepping stone by running around a field that is entirely too big with too many players on it, its hours of my life I’ll never get back. Besides if a hack actor like Andrew Shue can make the LA Galaxy I’m better off watching the Arena Football League.
NHL Thoughts
On to real American sports… The NHL is around the corner and I’m already stoking it. The Flyers played their first rookie game last night and when I got home I was sure to kick on the radio and see how the kids did. That’s not all that’s been happening in the world of NHL that has me excited.
- Teemu Selanne to play a 19th season. The 41-year-old winger will play his final season with the Anaheim Ducks, and he’ll still prove he has gas left in the tank. Last year Selanne bounced back from a couple of injury plagued years and tallied 80 points in 73 games. This is good for the NHL and hockey as a world sport as Selanne will continue to put himself along with Jaromir Jagr, Jari Kurri, and Peter Stasny as the best Europeans to ever play in the NHL.
- Sidney Crosby needs to man up. I loathe Sidney Crosby more than any player in the NHL. Part of it is he’s on the Penguins but a lot it was all the hype surrounding him when he entered the league. He had that stupid “Sid the Kid” nickname and like 50 players before him he was tabbed as the “Next Great One”. He also spent a lot of time living with Mario Lemieux and I found that just to be creepy. When you’re an adult and you can afford it, get your own place. Don’t be a baby. But I really don’t dig on Crosby because he’s a pussy. He suffered a concussion in January, and now he’s just been cleared to practice. Oh it’s a no contact practice. Look I know that concussions are a serious thing, but Cindy needs to man up here. There are plenty of players who have recovered from multiple concussions and have returned to All-Star form.
- Winnipeg, Winnipeg, Winnipeg. They Jets have unveiled their jerseys, and I soon will be ordering one in preparation to their debut in Philadelphia on October 27th. I have gotten some grief from other Flyers fans and some think I’m a traitor, and to them they can suck it. I invite all Jets fans in Philadelphia to join me in a tailgate before the game, as well as hater Flyers fans. You might think I’m a traitor, but I still have some love for you (well not everyone).
- Chris Pronger named Flyers captain. No surprise here, but it was just announced on WIP here in Philadelphia. An excellent call on the Flyers part.
Weekend NFL Predictions Hindsight is only 20/20 edition (these were made before week 2, my bad -management)
- The Chargers will beat the Patriots by at least 10 points. The Patriots defense made Chad Henne look like a Pro Bowl quarterback. If they play the same way against the Chargers, Philip Rivers will throw for over 500 yards. WRONG!
- Speaking of Chad Henne, the Texans defense will punish him to the point where hear will hear the boos from Miami fans all the way in Texas. TRUE!
- Sunday night in the Georgia Dome there will be more Michael Vick jerseys in the crowd then all the other Falcons jerseys combine.
- I will be wearing my Number 7 Falcons Jersey in Philadelphia Sunday night. PREDICTABLY TRUE!
- By halftime Donovan McNabb will have as many interceptions as his jersey number. Jake Locker will make his debut in the second half. WRONG! (but he did play like s*it)
- Ben Roethlisberger will sexually harass three female fans and one male by the end of the third quarter. The people of Seattle won’t care. SADLY LIKELY
- Matthew Stafford will throw for over 350 yards and the Lions will crush the Chiefs. AWESOMELY CLOSE (he had 294 yards w/ 4TD’s)
- Kerry Collins will continue to stink and Colts fans will realize that Peyton Manning really is their franchise. PAINFULLY TRUE!
- I’ll be drunk before Eagles kickoff. DEFINITELY TRUE!
Have a great weekend everyone. Don’t drink too much, enjoy your sports, and may your morals be more conservative than mine…
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