State of The Riot!
So with rumors abound, let me put an end to all the speculation. Yes, Charlie Sheen is a God. Not THEE God, but a God…and we will worship him violently. With that being said, let me update y’all on what’s happening here at The Riot! Big things are happening, and we are very excited. A potential move to our own website is in the works, a possible local radio show here in the Bay Area, and Jay’s possible sobriety (this is most unlikely of the 3) are all reasons to celebrate. All of this is in large part thanks to you, the Rioters; fellow revolutionaries. Those of you who have picked up a musket, and battled the forces of pompous, self- important, non-fan related sports reporting. You have been the wind beneath our wings as we try to soar, high over the Espn’s and Fox sports, and all the other typical, droning, drive nails into your own head sports talk, and sports blogging. This is where real fans meet. The pretty, the ugly, and the pretty ugly all gather here at The Riot! Our goal is to fill the bleachers, the stands, hell even the sky boxes of arenas, and stadiums throughout this country, and any other country with Rioters. Soccer fans, the next time you participate in a riot/murder because your team lost 1-0 in the 200th minute of extra time, remember; when you kill another fan, or an official, or one of your own players….make a Sports Riot! sign so we can proudly say “he’s one of us.” Because senselessly murdering someone because your team lost is exactly what The Sports Riot! is all about. This is advanced fandom.
Now with the good also comes the bad. Maybe it’s the fine California air, or the 40 degree temperature change that happens from day to day around here. Or the screaming in my house just to be heard over my gaggle of children. Or all the shit I eat, or the cum I swallow…no one can really tell me, but my voice is out of commission for week #5, and according to the doctors, it’s going to be at least another 2 weeks. So you will have to deal with my rantings via the typed word for the foreseeable future….sorry for that. But there are some audio bits coming your way soon enough, so fret not fellow revolutionaries, there will be some battle cries coming your way.
Heat Crying
Ok, I’m a guy. We’ve established that. And cum fetish or not, I pride myself on being a man. So with that territory goes the tremendous feeling of douche chills when I see another man cry. So when Miami Heat Head Coach Eric Spoelstra came out and said that some of his players were crying after a crushing defeat at the hands of the Chicago Bulls on Sunday, I automatically went through the 5 stages of pro athlete crying grief.
*Stage 1 is sheer laughter at the kind of fairy you appear to be, as a pro athlete, who makes millions per second, crying because you lost a game? It’s so sad, it’s funny.
*Stage 2 is disbelief. I can’t believe a man, let alone a professional athlete, is crying at all. Especially over a regular season game in the middle on March, when your team is not even close to in danger of missing the playoffs. Now I can see if it was Game 7 of the championship series, or the last game of your career, or if someone died on the court. Those are like the only reasons a pro athlete can cry in my opinion. Losing or winning a championship. Someone dying or getting seriously hurt (like Mike Utley or Dave Dravecky hurt) on the field of play. Or if you are calling it a career, and it’s your final time on the field of battle. Like when Mike Schmidt cried during his retirement press conference, I made fun of him relentlessly. Not necessarily because he cried, it was the way he cried. It was sad. He is one of the toughest SOB’s in sports, and here he is weeping, loudly, like a 5 year old girl who lost her favorite stuffy? It was stunning and hilarious. The only debatable crying moment to me, is if a players family member dies and they dedicate a performance to them, and they are weeping on the court/field during or after the game. I’m not sure about that. Maybe your child, or parent, but outside of that…yuck.
*Stage 3, anger. Why the F#$K is anyone on ESPN, or talk radio, defending these whiny, crybaby millionaires when guys like me come out and destroy these overpaid ass hats who are crying over a game. IT’S A GAME FOLKS. Look, I’ve almost cried over games before. Mets, Game 7, 2007 NLCS vs the Cards, Beltran looks at strike 3 with the bases loaded, down 2 in the bottom of the 9th. I was in the stands, may have had a tear squeeze out there. Jets, ’98 AFC championship game @ Denver, up 10 at half, choked it away in the 2nd half, there may still be a hole in my childhood bedroom door from that one, and maybe a tear or 2. Could have been from the broken hand that was a result of the door pounding, we may never really know. 1994, Rangers won the Stanley Cup for the first time in my life, that was a tear worthy moment at the time. And then of course 1986 NY Mets, winning the World Series. That was my first real sports memory, and I still tear up at that because it was a moment with my dad, and oh shit….here we go……..OK, I’m back. I had to choke back a few there, but I’m good now. Anyway, when a pro athlete cries, another player loses his skills. It’s like the bell ringing principle from “It’s a Wonderful Life.”
* Stage 4 is empathy. You actually start to feel bad for these over hyped butt pirates, who held a victory celebration in Miami before they even stepped on the court together. You feel bad as they lose game after game with the BIG 3. You start to think “just let them win one.” I mean poor LeBron, can’t win, no matter where he goes. He’s the AROD of the NBA. He’s the best but…..AROD had this problem until he went to the Yankees and they finally won 1 for him. So maybe LeBron needs Dwight Howard in Miami as well. Let’s give it to him, c’mon…..poor guy.
*Stage 5 is Anger AGAIN. But this time at yourself for buying into this bullshit of feeling bad for these dicks. Why should I feel bad for them. LeBron made more money during this sentence then I will make in my whole life. So what if he cries. Good. Maybe he’ll kill himself when he loses in the 2nd round of the playoffs AGAIN. LeBitch. Cry baby, CRY!!!!
NFL Labor crap
Speaking of crying, Oh My God with the NFL labor nonsense. I swore I wasn’t going to talk about this shit, but sometimes, you just can’t avoid painful things no matter how hard you try, especially when ESPN, and all of sports talk radio have devoted 22 and a half hours of programming to this very subject. Here are my super quick takes on this horse shit. Why are the players bitching so much about 2 games? It’s like when us little people down here, hey, hello there you millionaire who could give a fuck about the fans. When we get asked by our bosses to work, 25 Saturdays in a row when we are supposed to be off, but it is implied that you may not have a job if you don’t come in on this voluntary Saturday. That’s basically what your bosses are asking of you. Work a few Saturdays you pampered athletes. I’m not going to pretend that I can play pro football. Nor am I going to say that there is no risk of injury if you add 2 more games. But it’s what the fans clearly want based on the ratings. It’s what you bosses want because of the ratings. And these are the people who are paying you, are they not? The owners and the fans through ticket sales, jersey sales, and TV packages, are paying your salary. So play the 2 extra games, and quit your bitching. At the end of the day, risk or not, you get paid to play with a fucking ball. And you get paid a lot. It’s hard to feel bad for guys who make that much money to play with a ball.Now, I’m not totally against the players here. Hey billionaire owners. Yea, you! Open the books and pay the players. At least set up pensions that work for the players. I keep hearing more and more about destitute ex-players, who were legends in this league. There is no reason why a league that makes billions yearly should have the reputation of leaving retired players behind. It’s sad and wrong, and shame on you for letting it happen, owners. These guys do risk their lives to play this sport that make you millions upon millions of dollars annually. Open the books, and pay these players.
Finally I think a prolonged lock-out would be great comedy. Nothing would make me happier than seeing “HE HATE ME” line-up behind Ryan Leaf, throwing deep to a 50 year old Andre Rison. A boy can dream can’t he?
Miller High Life
What the hell is the High Life? I keep hearing and seeing these commercials about the “High Life.” I’ve drank beer before, and I’ve been drunk. It didn’t feel like a “High Life.” It felt like a ‘my head hurts and I feel like I may puke’ life. I think Robin Williams put it best when he said “I think beer commercials should be more true to life. ‘It’s 3AM, I just pissed on a dumpster, It’s Miller Time.’ A little truth in advertising. ‘It’s 6AM, I just woke up on my lawn with my keys in my ass, it’s Miller Time.’” Just sayin’.
Refs blew call. So did everyone else.
So I haven’t had a reason to share my allegiance to any one college basketball team for quite a long time until this season. I just love college b-ball, especially from the beginning of the conference championships to the end of the big tourney. I even dig on the NIT for a few moments. But I haven’t had a rooting interest for like 10 years, because the St John Red Storm, have been so bad, for so long, that I stopped paying attention. Now I will say that my stock in the Red Storm is not as large or as entrenched as my stock in the Mets, Jets, and Rangers. It’s a recreational interest at best. So with that being said, I was glued to the 2nd round of the Big East tourney yesterday when the Johnnies took on the Scarlet Knights of Rutgers. Now I’m not going to go into the analysis of this match up because, that’s not what I do. What I will do is tell all the Rutgers fans to stop it with the sour grapes already. God, it was a whole 24 hours ago, and I’m still hearing how they were robbed. You were not robbed of anything other than 1.7 seconds on the clock. That’s it. I know, you wanted fouls called. Stop it. You know that there could have been fouls called on every play in the final minute of the game. But that’s basketball. You were not robbed of a victory, you were robbed of 1.7 seconds. You know what happens in 1.7 seconds? A heave, maybe a perfectly executed alley-oop, or a foul. You know a foul wasn’t being called, evident by the prior 2 plays. Now let me ask you this. Be honest with yourself. Do you really believe that your 15-17, 2 games below .500, basketball team a)belongs in the tourney and b)has the ability to pull out a victory with 1.7 seconds left? Do you? Based on what? If you were Duke, or Kansas, or even St John’s would have a better claim at that 1.7 seconds than you do. There was no guarantee that anything was going to happen there. You were robbed out of 1.7 seconds…not a victory. Stop it.
Also, your own coach and team had no idea that there was 1.7 seconds left. While Rutgers coach, Mike Rice, was arguing about a non-foul call on the last play, the Scarlet Knights players and coaches were shaking hands with the Red Storm and heading off the court. Mike Rice, who showed a boat load of class unlike Rutgers fans online, pointed out that he didn’t know there was 1.7 seconds left until he saw it on youtube. Wow refs suck in every sport these days don’t they? I say instant replay for all.
Finally….
This will not always be the let’s mourn a dead rock star/musician section of the blog, but it happened again this week. The Alice in Chains album “Dirt” is, in my opinion, a top 10 rock album of all time, especially the 90’s. Now my teenage years, my formative music years, were the 90’s and this album played a huge part in my life. It was the soundtrack to my 10th and 11th grade years, and will have a lasting mark on my musical life forever. With songs like “Down in a Hole”, “Rooster” and “Angry Chair” it’s a timeless piece that will hold up for many decades. Mike Starr, the bassist on the release, was found dead yesterday in his Salt Lake City home, of an apparent drug overdose. Starr was 44 years old and was recently seen on Vh1’s celebrity rehab a lot of good that did. Although Starr had been out of AiC since ’96, he was a major influence on “Dirt” and for that he will be remembered. RIP Mike Starr.
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