Those of you who follow The Riot! religiously, especially the Criminal Fantasy Draft, know that there were 9 seeds per bracket. So we had each seed travel together because, well we got a better discount on rental cars that way (some weird rule by Enterprise Rental Car, IDK). So 1 seeds traveled with other 1 seeds, and so on. So the 9 seeds were on their way here when they realized they had forgotten someone. The 9’s being Kobe Bryant, Luis Polonia, Pete Rose, and Frankie Rodriguez. Kobe, Luis, and Frankie were miles outside of Vegas, where all the contestants met up, and realized that Pete Rose was missing. I wonder what Pete could’ve been doing in Vegas that kept him so occupied that he missed his ride?
Anyway, Kobe called us here back at headquarters, and told us the news. At that point, we were trying to figure out what to do, down 1 player. Do we give someone a bye? Do we eliminate the rest of the 9’s? What do we do?
Well, luckily, the 9’s answered our question for us. As they were heading to the San Jose area, they stopped in LA for a little night action. Luis being an ex-Angel, and Kobe the current king of LA, the competition for older looking, underage girls was on, early and often. One barely legal teen after another would come up to these 2, and each one would try to out grope the other. It got so ridiculous that they accidentally groped each other. Now I don’t know who started it, but rumors were that Kobe had his hand on Polonia’s ass for like 2 minutes before anybody said anything. Well of course, a riot ensued, and Luis and Kobe were thus eliminated from competition. We don’t really know what happened to them, but we know….they are not here. I just hope they are not together in a room somewhere. I guess we’ll find out soon enough.
Now Frankie Rodriguez did make it here, but unfortunately, he immediately jacked Jay up for wearing his Phil’s hat to the competition, and Ant took a shot or 2 for his Yankee jersey. Final Chris took his glasses, and apparently, the fruit can’t see. So, we showed him the door, and lord knows where he ended up. Chris just hopes it’s not back in Florida. The Mets have enough trouble without that douche just hitting fuckers for no reason.
So basically, we had to restructure our tourney to accommodate these 4 ass-hats inability to travel 8 hours by car. Criminals will always find a way into some s*it, won’t they?
BTW, news out of Vegas was that Pete Rose was betting on himself for this competition, and now is recovering from several broken bones and a gunshot wound. He’ll live, but when is he going to stop betting on himself. Doesn’t he know that he’s a f*#king loser? Good job Pete. Get Well Soon. Love, The Riot!
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