Are you there God? It's Me Josh......

Athletes love to thank God when things are going their way.  When a team wins a championship one of the first things out of a player’s mouth is thanking God.  Hell, outside of R&B singers, athletes might thank God more than any other group of people.  When not thanking God, some athletes will point to the sky after a big strikeout or a touchdown.  It’s their own way of saying “I know you’re there big fella, but there’s not a microphone in my face.”  Some guys like Tim Tebow wear Jesus on their sleeve and will actually pray or “Tebowing” (to coin Jim Rome), on the sideline, just so God knows he’s there.  I’ve always found it funny that God isn’t around when a save is blown, a big goal is allowed, or an interception in thrown, but God’s a busy guy I guess so he can’t be on every professional sports field at once, so there are bound to be let downs (even though a thank to God after a loss might catch his attention for next week).  While it’s not my cup of tea, who am I to judge?  If it gets them through the game, day, week, or meal; God bless them.

They say God works in mysterious ways and that’s exactly what he did during Game Six of the World Series. Texas Rangers outfielder Josh Hamilton told reporters that God told him he would hit a home run on Thursday and when he hit his towering blast in the 10^th inning of Game Six, it was “divine intervention.”

"He told me, 'You haven't hit one in a while, and this is the time you're going to.  You know what? I probably had the most relaxed, peaceful at-bat I've had of the whole series at that moment. It's pretty cool. You ought to try it sometime."

 Is Josh back on the smack?  With comments like that he sounds more like Darren Daulton and his claim that aliens told him when the world was going to end as he rounded first base at Wrigley Field than Tim Tebow dropping a John 3:16 and praying.  Also, how can I try it sometime?  Does God have a bat phone?  If so, I have the wrong number because I ask God daily for a million dollars, a supermodel wife, and a nicer house. Instead I wake up in my shithole place in South Philly with the same job, and the same situation every day.  Either I have the wrong number or God is telling me no and I’m just not listening.  Maybe he has answered; I’m just living in Groundhog Day?  No, the dates do change as the weather, maybe God just doesn’t love me how he loves Josh.

Speaking of Josh love what the hell was Ian Kinsler doing to Josh in the dugout after the home run?  It looked like he was giving him a face massage?  I thought God didn’t condone homo-erotic activity?  Has the rules of God changed and I missed it (along with my million, supermodel, and nice house)?

Look, while I’m not the most religious guy in the world, I try to respect it.  The thing is there’s a fine line between thanking Jesus and loving God and wearing a sandwich board sign on the exit ramp of a highway that reads “The End is Nigh.”  With comments like this, there’s possibly a sandwich board sign in his future (along with unlimited massages from Mr. Kinsler).

Hey, Why is There No Hockey in Quebec Anyway? or My How The Mighty Have Fallen

Growing up on Long Island there were two main hockey teams people followed; the Islanders and the Rangers (and after 1982 the Devils).  During that time, the Islanders were on top of the world, winning four consecutive Stanley Cups while the Rangers were a playoff team, but weren’t very impressive (and when the Devils arrived from Colorado they were pretty terrible). 

The vibe I remember in the early-80’s was “The Drive for Five”.  Islander fans were everywhere and their dream was to be only the second team in NHL history to win five consecutive Stanley Cups (the first being the 1956-1960 Canadiens).  The Islanders boasted studs like Mike Bossy, Brian Trottier, Denis Potvin, Clark Gillies, Billy Smith, and the 18 Sutter brothers (Brent, Rich, Ron, Darryl, the other brother Darryl, etc.).  They were a hockey machine that dominated the league.

Well not everyone was an Islander fan.  For example, Chris’s family were made up of  half Rangers fans and half Islander fans, and I rooted for the Flyers (SIDEBAR:  The reason I rooted for the Flyers is because I liked the logo.  That is until I saw Rick Tocchet play.  Pretty gay; I get it.), but we were in the minority.  Like most casual fans, when the local team is good, everyone loves them, and make no mistake, in the early 80’s they were Long Island’s team.  Those casual fans were the same fans who couldn’t believe you “weren’t an Islanders fan” (which is a common occurrence when any local market’s team is among the league’s elite).

Unfortunately for the Islanders as they drove for five, lost control of the car, and hit a brick wall called Wayne Gretzky, Mark Messier and the Edmonton Oilers.  To make matters worse, team icon Mike Bossy’s career ended early due to back problems.  Although they were still competitive, now led by a young Pat LaFontaine, the Islanders pounded out a couple more good seasons but never found their way back to the Stanley Cup Finals.  That ended when LaFontaine fell to his own injury bug and packed his bag for Buffalo.

That’s when the wheels fell off in Long Island and the team was bad; real bad at times.  Suddenly Islanders fans were no where to be found.  At the same time more Rangers and Devils fans started to sprout up (usually when the mighty fall the casual fans find the weather fairer elsewhere).  Since 1995 the Islanders have made the playoffs four times and only have had four winning seasons (the same four playoff seasons), while the Rangers and Devils have gone on to win Stanley Cups. 

The collapse of the Islanders wasn’t due to lack of money.  This franchise isn’t the Kansas City Royals.  The money was always there but the business savvy and common sense was non-existent.  They just bogged themselves down with poor contracts, bad draft picks, and lacked the appearance of having any idea what was going on.  Shit really hit the fan when current owner, Charles Wang bought the team and burned through the team like a junkie who just won the lottery (although he defends his decisions by being “unconventional”).

While Wang made billions in the computer market, if you look at what he did with the Islanders, he’s doesn’t look qualified to run an ice cream truck.  One of Wang’s first major gaffes was keeping Mike Milbury as general manager as he started the collapse of the Isles.  He did hired Neil Smith following the long overdue dismissal of Milbury, butt Smith couldn’t get along with Wang and stepped down before the season even started.  That’s when Wang put the nail in the Islanders coffin and hired Garth Snow as general manager.  Prior to being general manager, Snow was the Islanders backup goaltender.  Unfortunately Snow was a better goaltender than GM, which is pretty bad because he was trash between the pipes.  He handed out contracts that were overpriced and too long, which became albatrosses’ for the Islanders payroll and unable to unload.   That combine with poor draft picks and the signings of players way past their prime, not to mention giving the Islanders the worlds worst logo (a poor mans version of the Gordon’s Fisherman), the Isles have been in a habitual world of shit.

Well enough is enough.  The Islanders being mentioned in the same breath at the Philadelphia 76ers, Baltimore Orioles, and Miami Dolphins as jokes in their respective leagues needs to stop.  It’s time to turn this franchise around; in Quebec.  That’s right.  It’s time for the Islanders to be sold to someone who has a pinky nail worth of hockey experience and take the team to a city that is both starving and deserving of an NHL team.

The Nordiques left Quebec and became the Colorado Avalanche after the 1995 season, and like the relocation of the Winnipeg Jets to Phoenix and Hartford Whalers to Charlotte, it was a damn shame.  Most hockey fans I speak to are stoked about the Jets being back in Winnipeg.  The next comment they mostly make is how great it would be for the Whale to be back in Hartford and the Nords to be back in Quebec.  How could professional, North American hockey not be in Quebec? What’s next, are they going to move the Montreal Canadiens to New Orleans and be the New Orleans Undertow? You've heard of the "Broad Street Bullies" how about the "Bayou Bullies", huh? Well the Islanders are the perfect disaster to relocate to Quebec and Quebec City is the perfect place to turn the franchise around. The timing for relocation couldn’t come at a better time.

Punch in the Face List - Tony LaRussa

Well it’s finally time.  For a while now anytime I wanted to discuss why Tony La Russa makes my “Punch in the Face List” someone act like a bonehead in their own right, causing me to put Tony on the back burner.  But considering La Russa and his Cardinals are in the World Series, the time is right to add Tony to the list. So Tony, this punch is for you.

Before I really get into it, Tony La Russa will be in the Hall of Fame one day (as a manager, not as a player since he was a career .199 hitter).  He’s led the Athletics and Cardinals to six pennants and two World Series titles (at the time of this writing the Cardinals and Rangers are tied two games apiece in the World Series).  Aside from his days when he managed the White Sox; La Russa led teams were contenders, and he has a lot to do with that.  I don’t doubt his in-game strategies (they are among the best ever), and he always gets the most out of his players. All that said, he still pisses me off and a punch in the nose is in order.

The Media and Tony

I hate the fact the media verbally fallates him any chance they get.  I swear at times when I’m watching this World Series, Joe Buck’s mouth is literally salivating at the mention of La Russa.  This has nothing to do with the fact his father was a legendary Cardinals broadcaster but that he has an overwhelming hard-on for him (with McCarver not too far behind).

Then there are the terms the media uses for him.  He’s a “tactical genius.”  No he’s not.  In World War II, Patton and McArthur were tactical geniuses, La Russa is a GD baseball manager.  He’s not leading the troops into Berlin. He didn’t “re-write the book” either.  La Russa couldn’t hold a candle to the likes of John McGraw and Connie Mack.  Those are the guys who wrote the book, he just reads it and likes to think he knows better.

Managerial Style

Anytime I watch a Cardinals game and I see that La Russa is batting the pitcher eighth I want to break my television.  While in some ways it does make sense, especially if a speedster is in the number nine hole, it really annoys me; especially when the media refers to it as some kind of genius move.  While he’s a good manager, he’s not a genius.

Then there’s the 18 pitching moves per game.  One of the knocks on baseball from non-baseball fans is that it’s “slow and boring”.  Changing three pitchers in one inning isn’t helping that cause.  While I do understand you can’t hurt a team just for the sake of speeding it up, his bullpen moves are tiresome and annoying.

I honestly think when he uses his entire bullpen every game and bats the pitcher eighth has nothing to do that he actually believes it, but his ego is so big he has to live up to the hype the media has given him.

As I stated earlier he is a good manager, but he’s also had the luck of having a good team behind him.  When he managed the White Sox he was terrible.  If the talent isn’t there, you’re not that much of a genius.  Take Joe Torre for example.  When he took over from Buck Showalter as the Yankees manager he was known as “Clueless Joe”.  Once he took over a team that had the talent to win it all he became the best manager in baseball.  When Torre goes into the Hall of Fame, no one will remember his days in the basement with the Mets, but the titles he won with the Yankees.  The same goes for La Russa.  It’ll be Chicago who?

The Person

I know you’re probably thinking that these aren’t valid reasons to punch a senior citizen in the face.  It’s probably not.  It’s more superficial than that.  I just can’t stand to look at him.

Seriously, the guy makes my skin crawl.  Looking at him sitting in a dugout with his mullet freaks me out.  Then he’ll wear sunglasses during a night game.  Who the f*ck does he think he is, R. Kelly?  He looks ridiculous and creepy.

Speaking of creepy, have you seen his mug shot when he got popped for DUI in Florida?  He looks like a dirty old man that sits at the corner of a bar and harasses women.  I have this mental image of what happened the night he was arrested for DUI.

Tony is sitting at a fairly crowd bar staring at a blond girl who’s not a day over 23.

TL:  Hey sweet cheeks can I buy you a drink?

BG:  Sure, I’ll take a Sex on the Beach

TL:  That’ll happen later if you play your cards right.

BG:  What?

TL:  Nothing.  Barkeep, give this beautiful lady a Sex on the Beach for me.

BG:  Thanks, are you a golfer or something?

TL:  No a baseball manager.

BG:  That sounds like fun.  Why are you wearing sunglasses?

TL:  It’s a job and not an easy one.  The glasses?  It’s my look, it’s tough being Tony La Russa?

BG:  Tony who?

TL:  La Russa, I manage the St. Louis Cardinals.

BG:  I like Cardinals, they’re red.

TL:  Hey toots, lets cut the small talk.  Why don’t you sit on my lap and we’ll see what comes up.

BG:  You’re older than my pop-pop.

TL:  I’ll treat you better then your pop-pop ever could.

BG:  Um…  I’m not feeling comfortable.  Thanks for the drink.  Good luck bird watching.

TL:  I manage the Cardinals, the baseball team!

BG:  Whatever

Girl walks away. 

Tony thinks to himself:  “Looks like Tony La Russa struck out like Prince Fielder on a Chris Carpenter slider.  I guess I’ll drive back to my hotel.  Sure I’m drunk, but I’m Tony La Russa, not Billy Martin.”

Tony leaves the bar.

So that’s it.  The dude really creeps me out, good manager or not.  Maybe if he cut his mullet, looked less creepy, and lost the sunglasses, I might feel differently.

Cry Meter:

This is a tough call.  La Russa isn’t going to let up and you never mess with a guy with a mullet.  Hopefully as I clinch my fist he makes a call to the bullpen and I get my shot in.

I’m going 4 out of 10.  I’ll definitely knock him down, but the odds he’ll cry is a tall order.  I mean he is Tony La Russa.

The Unified Church for Winners

Maybe there IS something to this Jesus thing? Tim Tebow, Denver Broncos starting QB and outspoken Christian, just wins. Now there have been many players in NFL history that seem to win a lot, whether they believe in Jesus, Buddha, trees or what-have-you, but Tebow does it in such an almost miraculous fashion that you can’t help but wonder; Jesus, huh?

Let’s go through Tebow’s day and you be the judge. In the first 3 quarters and two possessions into the 4^th, Tebow was 4 for 14 for 40 yards throwing the ball. He had almost as many completions to guys on the sideline as he did to guys on the field (3). All in all, other than some stellar runs that set up a few missed FG attempts, Tebow was inept (and that’s putting it lightly).

But then it happened, as it seems to do when Tebow is involved, the miraculous snatching of victory from the jaws of defeat. Now let me preface this by saying that I’m aware that it was against the even more inept Miami Dolphins (0-6), but the Dolphins are an NFL team with talented players, and they were favored to by 2 and a half points to win. Down 15-0 with roughly three minutes to go, it happened. I don’t know if Tebow went to the sideline before these final three minutes and received a blessing from a Pastor, found a communion wafer and had an impromptu Eucharist performed, or had a choir of Mormon children sing praises down on him as he was dipped in a pool of Holy Water; I don’t know. What I do know is what happened next (even if they were playing the PAL Flag team in downtown Miami) was nothing short of miraculous. Down 15-0, Tebow, who was 4 for 14 with 40 yards throwing at this point, went of a tear, going 9 for 13 with 121 yards with two TD passes over the final three minutes. WHAT? The guy who looked like a white dude in Harlem, a HOT girl at a RUSH show, or a black guy in Utah; out of place and lost, going on a Brady-like tear, and putting 15 points up in the final three minutes? First question is, are the Dolphins really that bad? Up until this point, they had lost to quality teams (Jets, Pats, Texans, Chargers, and the Browns by one point) and they were competitive in all but one of those games (jets beat them 24-6), but this one had to hurt a lot. Not only could they have gotten their first and possibly only win (other than suspect Redskins and Chiefs teams, they have a tough haul ahead), they were cruising with a 15 point lead with three minutes to play. For an NFL team, unless Brady, Brees or Peyton are on the other sideline; that should be a guaranteed victory. Unfortunately for the ‘Phins, they didn’t know they were playing a higher power. See this is not the first time Tebow has done this. He’s had near miraculous victories twice before since being drafted and countless ones during his illustrious college career.

If you don’t believe, go to the videotape and check out what happened in Miami. Between the stunning turnaround in Tebow’s performance, an on-side kick that looked like the Dolphins were going to get, and the fact that after two TD drives, Tebow had to convert a 2-pt conversion with no time left to get it to OT, it’s hard not to believe in the power above….or below? Then a Mike Moore fumble in FG range for Matt Prater, who also seemed to have the higher power on his side for the game-winner because he had missed two earlier FG attempts in the game, drilled the game winning FG right inside the post to seal the deal.

Look, I’m not here to preach the word of the Lord, or tell you that you need to be in church now, what I’m saying is there may be something to it, that’s all. Hey you can believe in Jesus, Buddha, hug trees or kiss a rabbit’s foot every time you hit the field and if that works for you that is great. I’ll tell you this, whatever Tebow is doing, I want some of that. God, Jesus, Devil, Trees…he should thank his lucky charms, because they are getting him by. His performance reminds me of Derek Jeter in the way he just does it when it’s necessary, no big deal. Crunch time comes and whether Jeter is having a great game or not he’s more often than not going to get that big hit in the 9^th when you need it (as a Mets fan, I’ve seen it enough to know). It makes you wonder if he’s sold his soul too?

Maybe all these “clutch” guys are part of some wicked cult? Like a Sports Scientology; actors have their crazy place maybe athletes have theirs too? Hmmmm? Maybe it started with Unitas, “The Rocket” Richard, The Babe, and Wilt? Then came the prophets Jordan, Gretzky, Montana, Rice and Bonds to preach the coming of the Messiah himself, TEBOW!

Well it’s a thought, and a funny one at it, but there may be something to it. In the bowels of these arenas, don’t be surprised if sometime many years into the future you hear of a room they discovered in the basement of MSG in NYC behind some boards and a broken down Zamboni, they found sacrificed jerseys and hot dogs. Sacrifices that were demanded by the sports Gods who have departed this earth and went to the giant benches, dugouts and sidelines in the sky. Maybe a few times a season, players have to bring an offering of hot dogs, pretzels with spicy mustard and a 6-pack to the altar of the sporting Gods, and once every few years the unthinkable….a rookie. Well that’s grim, maybe just his jersey, but it’s possible right?

Maybe they just call it “The United Church for Winners” and you bow to the Gods in order to get that ring. Think about it. Whenever something happens in a game that is out of the ordinary, announcers, players and fans refer to these “sports Gods” but no one ever goes into details about these Gods.

Christians will go on and on about Jesus, Muslims about Allah and Muhammad, Buddhist about Buddha, but what about these “sports Gods” I’m always hearing about? Do they live in the scoreboard? Is there a secret tablet beneath each arena that powers these Gods? Are the God’s people that played before records were kept and this is their way of preserving the games. I don’t know, but it’s an interesting thought.

 Let me be the first to say that if there is a cult that athletes are part of, and sacrifices are made to win championships, can someone get Rex Ryan on the horn and tell him to sacrifice whatever he has to, because it’s been a long time man; we need a victory. Hey, come to think of it, the Lions are pretty good this year and no one has seen Wayne Fontes in years. Hmmmmm……makes you wonder doesn’t it? From 0 and 16 to a 5 and 2 start might require a pretty hefty sacrifice? Wayne? Where are you Wayne?

Top 5 WHA Players of All-Time

I know what you’re thinking right now.  What is the hell is the WHA?  I don’t expect every Rioter! to know this because let’s be honest, it’s hard enough to find people who are avid hockey fans in general (outside our friends North of the Border), so expecting people to know much about a hockey league that was only around in the 70’s is like asking Stevie Wonder to describe what he sees when he’s looking in the mirror (given some of the get-ups his handlers dress him in, he’s better off being blind).  So I’ll give all the Rioters! out there a pass here and not question their fandom and break it down for you.

The WHA or World Hockey Association was a short-lived hockey league that ran from 1973-1979.  Although only around for seven years the impact it had on the NHL changed the game forever.  Aside it’s where some Hall of Fame NHLers like Wayne Gretzky, Mark Howe, Mark Messier, Michel Goulet, and Rod Langway began their professional careers, the direct competition with the NHL caused some NHL players to jump ship to the WHA eventually forcing the NHL to strip the reserve clause in contracts, giving players free agency and not being forced to play for a team that wasn’t treating them fairly.  The WHA was also the first North American hockey league to think outside the box and look to Europe for talent (something the NHL never considered).

The WHA wasn’t like the defunct USFL or World League of American football.  It was without a doubt more successful and helped the sport, and sure as hell wasn’t a joke like the XFL. There were 16 teams in the league, and unlike other leagues that folded, once the WHA folded it allowed four of its better teams to merge with the NHL (that being the Edmonton Oilers, Winnipeg Jets, Quebec Nordiques, and the Hartford Whalers).

5 – Gordie Howe

“Mr. Hockey” retired from the NHL after the 1970-71 season as the All-Time NHL leading point scorer.  After one year away from hockey Howe came out of retirement and signed a contract with the Houston Aeros to play along sons Mark and Marty.  Gordie immediately made an impact scoring 100 points in his first season.  His point scoring wasn’t the only impact Howe had on the WHA, but with the biggest name in the NHL now a member of a WHA franchise it gave the league a serious amount of legitimacy during a time when the NHL was in a panic mode with some of it’s stars leaving for the WHA.

After four seasons with the Aeros, Howe signed with the New England Whalers (who were renamed the Hartford Whalers), where he played the final two seasons of the WHA.  Although he joined the league at a young 45-year-old and only played six of the seven seasons of the WHA he still finished seventh in scoring with 508 points (combining his NHL and WHA stats Howe finished with 2358 professional points).

4 – Ulf Nilsson & Anders Hedberg

My number four pick was a coin flip between Ulf Nilsson and Anders Hedberg.  Both played four seasons in the league, all for the Winnipeg Jets, and both were part of “The Hot Line” with Bobby Hull (arguably one of the greatest lines in hockey history).  Both scored at least 100 point a season ranking 10^th (Nilsson with 484) and 11^th (Hedberg 458) All-Time, so I’m calling a tie.

During their four seasons in Winnipeg, the Jets were a dominant force appearing in three AVCO Cups (the WHA equivalent of the Stanley Cup), winning two of them. 

Above all, both these players are from Sweden, making the WHA a world-wide sport.  Nilsson and Hedberg were the first two European players to really have success in North America which opened the door for the likes of Hakan Loob, Peter Stasny, and Jari Kurri (then later opening the door for players in the USSR). 

The success they had in the WHA never followed them to the NHL but they will forever be heroes in the city of Winnipeg and WHA greats.

3 – Mark Tardif

Tardif began his professional career with the Montreal Canadiens and honestly wasn’t that much of an impressive player.  His strongest season was in 1971-72 season where he scored a than career-high 53 points.  After the 1972-73 season Tardif joined throng of other NHL players and jumped ship to the WHA signing with the Los Angeles Sharks before getting traded to the Quebec Nordiques.

This was the best move of his professional career. He went from nothing but an average player in the NHL to a superstar in the WHA.  Over six seasons in the WHA Tardif one two MVP awards, one AVCO Cup, racked up 666 total points (second in WHA history), and is the all-time goal scorer with 316. 

Tardif is also part of another hockey precedence.  During 1976-77 playoffs he was attacked by Rick Jodzio of the Calgary Cowboys suffering a massive head injury, resulting in Jodzio to be criminally charged for assault.  Here most of you thought Marty McSorley and Todd Bertuzzi were originals but it started in the WHA.

2 – Andre Lacroix

Similar to Mark Tardif, Lacroix started his career in the NHL.  Lacroix came up as a young center for the Philadelphia Flyers and was less than spectacular.  Following the 1970-71 season Lacroix was dealt to the Chicago Blackhawks and was an abomination, tallying only 11 points in 56 games.  Following this disappointment Lacroix returned to Philadelphia, this time signing with the WHA’s Philadelphia Blazers.

Lacroix instantly became a star in Philadelphia ringing in 124 points in his first season.  After one season in Philadelphia he was dealt to New York before settling in with the San Diego Mariners.  During his three seasons in San Diego he tallied a league leading 362 points making him the most offensive force in the WHA.

Lacroix played all seven seasons in the WHA existence, where he scored at least 100 points in six of the seven seasons.  He finished his WHA career with 798 points in 554 games.  Lacroix is the WHA’s all-time leading scorer.

1 – Bobby Hull

Hull was the driving force for any success the WHA may have had during their brief existence.  At the time of the formation of the WHA Hull was the best player in the NHL but he wasn’t happy.  The long time Chicago Blackhawk felt the team was taking advantage for him and was unwilling to give him the contract he felt that his play deserved.  That was when the Winnipeg Jets offered Hull a 10-year, $2.7 million contract (That might sound like peanuts for this day and age but at the time it was unheard of).

Hull was immediately the league’s favorite and skilled player and took the captain role on the Jets.  His 77 goals in the 1974-75 season was tops in the WHA and he finished with at least 50 goals in four of his seven seasons.  The Hull-led Jets were the best team in the WHA, appearing in five-of-seven AVCO Cup’s; winning three of them.

“The Golden Jet” finished his WHA career third in points (638), second in goals (303), and sixth in assists (338).

The WHA will go down in history as a great league that changed the shape of hockey as we know it today.  Who was your favorite WHA player?  Like I said above, I don’t expect a ton of Rioters! to have a strong background when pertaining to the WHA, but Canada, I expect something from you, especially Winnipeg, Edmonton, and Quebec City.  Hit me up at shatmeself@yahoo.com and let me know where you stand.

Hockey Fights RULE!!!! (Deal with it)

So last year I wrote this piece when we had only 15 Rioters! on board and you all loved it. Because Hockey Fights are awesome. Unfortunately our growth rate (being very very healthy BTW) has not reached everyone yet because today, two weeks into this NHL season, I heard the whining again. What whining? That fighting in hockey should be banned. Oh My God! Enough already. 75 years, and this is still shocking to people? On the day where articles are abound about Michael Buble blasting the NHL for it's treatment of players who fight and hit hard. Buble say that the NHL penalizes tough players too much and is basically pussifying the sport (that's not a direct quote). The actual quote went more like this "I find it hypocritical that men who made their money fighting or playing the tough guy are now telling people it shouldn't be part of the game. I think it's part of hockey -- no one's ever got killed fighting. I think there's got to be atonement on the ice. You take a shot at a team's best player, then you need to pay the price," Bublé told AOL Music. Right after I read this I was beaming with excitement over the fact that even a (enter adjective of your choice here) like Buble is pro fighting in hockey; I turn on the radio and hear fans on the airwaves whining about fighting on the ice? IS MICHAEL BUBLE TOUGHER THAN YOU?! Who dares step up to the plate and make that claim? He's a crooner, and an annoying one at that. Look at this guy. Good looking, yes. Great voice, sure if you're into that. Owner of a Major Junior Hockey League team in Vancouver? Yes and I respect that. Tough? NO WAY! Want to know who's tough, HOCKEY PLAYERS! (why do I have to get angry about this sh*t?) Here's what I wrote almost a year ago and it still holds true. Enjoy.

One Year Ago
So I heard someone call a radio station yesterday and say that they can't watch a sport where it's ok to fight for 5 minutes, and then just move on like nothing happened. I disagree. I actually wish it was like this in real life, let alone hockey. Don't you wish you could just smack your boss in the mouth if he/she gets out of line? I mean, not all of us have the boss that you want to piledrive into the desk, but at least half of us do. I feel that hockey needs to finally embrace this aspect of the game instead of trying to "clean up the game." Maybe they should have a spotlight that shines on the 2 or 3 guys fighting, and a bell should ring....just for effect. Maybe they should have friday night fights. Like every friday, you get the 2 toughest SOB's from each game that night, and have them square off at intermission, and broadcast it. Make it fun for everyone. I guarantee if they do this, "Vs." network will play a hell of alot more games. They love them some fightin' on that network. Then, we can have WWF style sh*t talking between periods. We could bring "Mean" Gene Oakerlund back and make a show of it. Look if the NHL isn't going to get ratings anyway, you might as well appeal to the meatheads out there, and grab a share while you still can. The NHL is two more piss poor seasons away from not even making the sportscenter highlights anymore. It's bad enough they get like two and a half minutes at the very end of the show maybe three times a week. You know Barry Melrose gets stared at and snickered at when he hits the Sportscenter set. When Trent Dilfer can look at you and laugh at your irrelevance, it's hard to come back from.
Now I know what some of you are saying "What about the children? Don't you think this senseless violence sends the wrong messgage?" As a parent I will say this. Yes it is violence for violence sake, and yes it's probably not what the kids should see. As a parent, I know what my kids are watching, and if a brawl does break out, I explain to my child that that is an uppercut. That is a body blow. That is a cheap shot. Watch these fights with your kids and talk to them about it and teach them. Like how to properly pull your opponents jersey over your opponents head rendering him defensless, so you can really do some damage. Teach him never to take your helmet off, and if you need to, use your stick as a weapon. (Nobody messes with Marty McSorley anymore)
So let them fight, let them fight, let them fight!! If you don't think that fighting is maybe the best part of hockey, watch this vid and you be the judge. This is a Rangers/Islanders tradition. The full-on brawl. Even the goalies fight. And boy, Dan Cloutier was willing to take on the whole Islander bench. Wait for that scene, it's a classic. Enjoy.

A "Suck for Luck" Conspiracy

A few weeks back the phrase "Suck for Luck" surfaced on Twitter and it trended almost immediately and the speculation and hype has grown ever since. The question on all NFL fan’s minds; who's going to suck enough for Luck? Suck for Luck? That's right, Stanford's stud QB will have no choice but to come out of college (he's a senior) and in all probability he will be the 1st overall pick in the 2012 NFL draft. This has every GM without a solid QB in the NFL salivating at the thought of getting basically an NFL ready QB right out of college touted as the next Peyton Manning. So the speculation over what team will suck the worst this season, and actually land this latest sure thing, has been growing more and more with each passing week. So of the course the idea of losing games on purpose has the talking heads all up in arms claiming that any team that would even consider this measure has a severe lack of integrity.  But make no mistake, there are business savvy people running these teams and they see the future of a talent such as Andrew Luck in this league and the potential stability a player of his caliber would bring to a franchise for a decade or so. It makes you wonder what is actually going on in some of these GM meetings. Of course, every so often here at The Riot! we get some transcripts from behind enemy lines. I still don't know where these come from, but I'm thankful for them. (Since the Colts seem completely lost without Peyton, and they lost to the crappy Bungles this weekend, of course it's from one of their meetings. Let the conspiracies begin. Enjoy).


Bill Polian (GM Colts) - Alright, lets get this crap rolling, I'm starving and the light just went on at the Krispy Kreme; you guys know how cranky I get if I don't get my wednesday afternoon Bear Claw.


Peyton Manning (in a neck brace with head tilted up) - Yea, Bear Claws are the best, and I really like their glaze you know. My daddy used to take Eli, Coop and I out to Krispy Kreme before we did drills every Sunday and th......



BP - Oh Sh*t, somebody stop him before he gets going on this, or we will never get out of here tonight.



Jim Caldwell (Colts Head Coach)- ShShSh, Peyton relax, we'll go get some in a bit, Gina (secretary) can you please take Mr. Manning to get some donuts.



PM- ......and the jelly filled kind are the best. And then we'd play jokes on mom, coop and I would make Eli put some jelly in his mouth and pretend it was blood. Then there was the time we made Eli......

Gina (secretary) - uh huh, right. You hate Eli. We get it.



BP - AND MAKE SURE HE KEEP THAT GD BRACE ON HIS NECK! we need to keep this charade up as long as we can. Ok, so plan "Suck for Luck" is in full swing here gentleman. Although I don't know how that phrase hit the internet already considering I only told you guys, but you know bloggers, they just come up with some (sarcastically) HILARIOUS SH*T, DON'T THEY? (laughing sarcastically, then stopping abruptly) It may have been Peyton, that dude just talks. As a matter of fact, he can’t shut up. What if……



JC- (calmly)Easy, easy. OK, so we have everyone believing that Peyton will probably be done for the year, and we even signed Kerry Collins. If that doesn't spell disaster I don't know what will.



BP - Right we let Bob Sanders walk for nothing, and luckily he's hurt already and is done for the season; making us look BRILLIANT! God, do you know how I thank my lucky stars everyday that I have Peyton, because I haven't really done sh*t to keep this team competetive. I mean Peyton, that dumb SOB landed right in my lap and I've been riding that coattail for 12 years now. That's why getting this "Luck" kid is so important, it will keep me employed for another 12. Not that Indy is the best place in the world, but in this economy you need to get what you can right?

JC- RIGHT!



BP - So what else can we do to just keep losing and make it look like we're trying?


JC - Well, we could have Collins go down and throw Painter into the deep end. God he won't know what to do. He's been holding a clipboard so damn long, I'm not even sure he can throw anymore.

BP - Yea, remember when we signed Jim Sorgi. I think that dude was a box boy or something at the ACME. It was great not needing a solid back-up for so many years.

JC - Yea, I remember that.



BP & JC - (both sit back and sigh)



BP - Ok back to work, "Suck for Luck." What else?



JC – We could have Freeney involved in some sort of domestic dispute.



BP – What are we the f$*king Bengals?


JC – Yea, Cinci has cornered the market on players getting arrested huh? On another not, do you ever think that people will find out about this? I mean, it could really make us look bad if we went from winning 10+ games every season for the past 10, and then going 0-16……people might start to talk Bill.


BP – Jim, really? What was the last significant move I’ve made since Peyton to keep this team going……………I’m waiting………….exactly. I've got people so snowed around here. They think I'm God or something. It's hilarious. Besides, whenever I think I'm feeling the heat, I will just do another round of Twits to distract them.

JC - Twits sir?


BP - yea, I really had them going with my Twits about Favre a few months back, like I'd sign that drama queen. What so he can throw ANOTHER PICK IN THE PLAYOFFS? HELL NO! but it was a great distraction right? I'm good with the Twits.

JC - Tweets sir.

BP - Huh, WTF are you doing boy? BIRD CALLS?


JC - No, they're called tweets, not twits.



BP - those people are not very bright have you ever been on that tweeter?

JC - It's twitter sir.



BP - What?



JC - Twitter? You tweet on Twitter.



BP - Twitter, Twatter, whatever, it's a f#*king useful tool for distracting TWITS with my TWATS.

Gina - Yes Sir?


JC – Oh My God!



(end of transmission)