A "Suck for Luck" Conspiracy

A few weeks back the phrase "Suck for Luck" surfaced on Twitter and it trended almost immediately and the speculation and hype has grown ever since. The question on all NFL fan’s minds; who's going to suck enough for Luck? Suck for Luck? That's right, Stanford's stud QB will have no choice but to come out of college (he's a senior) and in all probability he will be the 1st overall pick in the 2012 NFL draft. This has every GM without a solid QB in the NFL salivating at the thought of getting basically an NFL ready QB right out of college touted as the next Peyton Manning. So the speculation over what team will suck the worst this season, and actually land this latest sure thing, has been growing more and more with each passing week. So of the course the idea of losing games on purpose has the talking heads all up in arms claiming that any team that would even consider this measure has a severe lack of integrity.  But make no mistake, there are business savvy people running these teams and they see the future of a talent such as Andrew Luck in this league and the potential stability a player of his caliber would bring to a franchise for a decade or so. It makes you wonder what is actually going on in some of these GM meetings. Of course, every so often here at The Riot! we get some transcripts from behind enemy lines. I still don't know where these come from, but I'm thankful for them. (Since the Colts seem completely lost without Peyton, and they lost to the crappy Bungles this weekend, of course it's from one of their meetings. Let the conspiracies begin. Enjoy).


Bill Polian (GM Colts) - Alright, lets get this crap rolling, I'm starving and the light just went on at the Krispy Kreme; you guys know how cranky I get if I don't get my wednesday afternoon Bear Claw.


Peyton Manning (in a neck brace with head tilted up) - Yea, Bear Claws are the best, and I really like their glaze you know. My daddy used to take Eli, Coop and I out to Krispy Kreme before we did drills every Sunday and th......



BP - Oh Sh*t, somebody stop him before he gets going on this, or we will never get out of here tonight.



Jim Caldwell (Colts Head Coach)- ShShSh, Peyton relax, we'll go get some in a bit, Gina (secretary) can you please take Mr. Manning to get some donuts.



PM- ......and the jelly filled kind are the best. And then we'd play jokes on mom, coop and I would make Eli put some jelly in his mouth and pretend it was blood. Then there was the time we made Eli......

Gina (secretary) - uh huh, right. You hate Eli. We get it.



BP - AND MAKE SURE HE KEEP THAT GD BRACE ON HIS NECK! we need to keep this charade up as long as we can. Ok, so plan "Suck for Luck" is in full swing here gentleman. Although I don't know how that phrase hit the internet already considering I only told you guys, but you know bloggers, they just come up with some (sarcastically) HILARIOUS SH*T, DON'T THEY? (laughing sarcastically, then stopping abruptly) It may have been Peyton, that dude just talks. As a matter of fact, he can’t shut up. What if……



JC- (calmly)Easy, easy. OK, so we have everyone believing that Peyton will probably be done for the year, and we even signed Kerry Collins. If that doesn't spell disaster I don't know what will.



BP - Right we let Bob Sanders walk for nothing, and luckily he's hurt already and is done for the season; making us look BRILLIANT! God, do you know how I thank my lucky stars everyday that I have Peyton, because I haven't really done sh*t to keep this team competetive. I mean Peyton, that dumb SOB landed right in my lap and I've been riding that coattail for 12 years now. That's why getting this "Luck" kid is so important, it will keep me employed for another 12. Not that Indy is the best place in the world, but in this economy you need to get what you can right?

JC- RIGHT!



BP - So what else can we do to just keep losing and make it look like we're trying?


JC - Well, we could have Collins go down and throw Painter into the deep end. God he won't know what to do. He's been holding a clipboard so damn long, I'm not even sure he can throw anymore.

BP - Yea, remember when we signed Jim Sorgi. I think that dude was a box boy or something at the ACME. It was great not needing a solid back-up for so many years.

JC - Yea, I remember that.



BP & JC - (both sit back and sigh)



BP - Ok back to work, "Suck for Luck." What else?



JC – We could have Freeney involved in some sort of domestic dispute.



BP – What are we the f$*king Bengals?


JC – Yea, Cinci has cornered the market on players getting arrested huh? On another not, do you ever think that people will find out about this? I mean, it could really make us look bad if we went from winning 10+ games every season for the past 10, and then going 0-16……people might start to talk Bill.


BP – Jim, really? What was the last significant move I’ve made since Peyton to keep this team going……………I’m waiting………….exactly. I've got people so snowed around here. They think I'm God or something. It's hilarious. Besides, whenever I think I'm feeling the heat, I will just do another round of Twits to distract them.

JC - Twits sir?


BP - yea, I really had them going with my Twits about Favre a few months back, like I'd sign that drama queen. What so he can throw ANOTHER PICK IN THE PLAYOFFS? HELL NO! but it was a great distraction right? I'm good with the Twits.

JC - Tweets sir.

BP - Huh, WTF are you doing boy? BIRD CALLS?


JC - No, they're called tweets, not twits.



BP - those people are not very bright have you ever been on that tweeter?

JC - It's twitter sir.



BP - What?



JC - Twitter? You tweet on Twitter.



BP - Twitter, Twatter, whatever, it's a f#*king useful tool for distracting TWITS with my TWATS.

Gina - Yes Sir?


JC – Oh My God!



(end of transmission)