The Unified Church for Winners

Maybe there IS something to this Jesus thing? Tim Tebow, Denver Broncos starting QB and outspoken Christian, just wins. Now there have been many players in NFL history that seem to win a lot, whether they believe in Jesus, Buddha, trees or what-have-you, but Tebow does it in such an almost miraculous fashion that you can’t help but wonder; Jesus, huh?

Let’s go through Tebow’s day and you be the judge. In the first 3 quarters and two possessions into the 4^th, Tebow was 4 for 14 for 40 yards throwing the ball. He had almost as many completions to guys on the sideline as he did to guys on the field (3). All in all, other than some stellar runs that set up a few missed FG attempts, Tebow was inept (and that’s putting it lightly).

But then it happened, as it seems to do when Tebow is involved, the miraculous snatching of victory from the jaws of defeat. Now let me preface this by saying that I’m aware that it was against the even more inept Miami Dolphins (0-6), but the Dolphins are an NFL team with talented players, and they were favored to by 2 and a half points to win. Down 15-0 with roughly three minutes to go, it happened. I don’t know if Tebow went to the sideline before these final three minutes and received a blessing from a Pastor, found a communion wafer and had an impromptu Eucharist performed, or had a choir of Mormon children sing praises down on him as he was dipped in a pool of Holy Water; I don’t know. What I do know is what happened next (even if they were playing the PAL Flag team in downtown Miami) was nothing short of miraculous. Down 15-0, Tebow, who was 4 for 14 with 40 yards throwing at this point, went of a tear, going 9 for 13 with 121 yards with two TD passes over the final three minutes. WHAT? The guy who looked like a white dude in Harlem, a HOT girl at a RUSH show, or a black guy in Utah; out of place and lost, going on a Brady-like tear, and putting 15 points up in the final three minutes? First question is, are the Dolphins really that bad? Up until this point, they had lost to quality teams (Jets, Pats, Texans, Chargers, and the Browns by one point) and they were competitive in all but one of those games (jets beat them 24-6), but this one had to hurt a lot. Not only could they have gotten their first and possibly only win (other than suspect Redskins and Chiefs teams, they have a tough haul ahead), they were cruising with a 15 point lead with three minutes to play. For an NFL team, unless Brady, Brees or Peyton are on the other sideline; that should be a guaranteed victory. Unfortunately for the ‘Phins, they didn’t know they were playing a higher power. See this is not the first time Tebow has done this. He’s had near miraculous victories twice before since being drafted and countless ones during his illustrious college career.

If you don’t believe, go to the videotape and check out what happened in Miami. Between the stunning turnaround in Tebow’s performance, an on-side kick that looked like the Dolphins were going to get, and the fact that after two TD drives, Tebow had to convert a 2-pt conversion with no time left to get it to OT, it’s hard not to believe in the power above….or below? Then a Mike Moore fumble in FG range for Matt Prater, who also seemed to have the higher power on his side for the game-winner because he had missed two earlier FG attempts in the game, drilled the game winning FG right inside the post to seal the deal.

Look, I’m not here to preach the word of the Lord, or tell you that you need to be in church now, what I’m saying is there may be something to it, that’s all. Hey you can believe in Jesus, Buddha, hug trees or kiss a rabbit’s foot every time you hit the field and if that works for you that is great. I’ll tell you this, whatever Tebow is doing, I want some of that. God, Jesus, Devil, Trees…he should thank his lucky charms, because they are getting him by. His performance reminds me of Derek Jeter in the way he just does it when it’s necessary, no big deal. Crunch time comes and whether Jeter is having a great game or not he’s more often than not going to get that big hit in the 9^th when you need it (as a Mets fan, I’ve seen it enough to know). It makes you wonder if he’s sold his soul too?

Maybe all these “clutch” guys are part of some wicked cult? Like a Sports Scientology; actors have their crazy place maybe athletes have theirs too? Hmmmm? Maybe it started with Unitas, “The Rocket” Richard, The Babe, and Wilt? Then came the prophets Jordan, Gretzky, Montana, Rice and Bonds to preach the coming of the Messiah himself, TEBOW!

Well it’s a thought, and a funny one at it, but there may be something to it. In the bowels of these arenas, don’t be surprised if sometime many years into the future you hear of a room they discovered in the basement of MSG in NYC behind some boards and a broken down Zamboni, they found sacrificed jerseys and hot dogs. Sacrifices that were demanded by the sports Gods who have departed this earth and went to the giant benches, dugouts and sidelines in the sky. Maybe a few times a season, players have to bring an offering of hot dogs, pretzels with spicy mustard and a 6-pack to the altar of the sporting Gods, and once every few years the unthinkable….a rookie. Well that’s grim, maybe just his jersey, but it’s possible right?

Maybe they just call it “The United Church for Winners” and you bow to the Gods in order to get that ring. Think about it. Whenever something happens in a game that is out of the ordinary, announcers, players and fans refer to these “sports Gods” but no one ever goes into details about these Gods.

Christians will go on and on about Jesus, Muslims about Allah and Muhammad, Buddhist about Buddha, but what about these “sports Gods” I’m always hearing about? Do they live in the scoreboard? Is there a secret tablet beneath each arena that powers these Gods? Are the God’s people that played before records were kept and this is their way of preserving the games. I don’t know, but it’s an interesting thought.

 Let me be the first to say that if there is a cult that athletes are part of, and sacrifices are made to win championships, can someone get Rex Ryan on the horn and tell him to sacrifice whatever he has to, because it’s been a long time man; we need a victory. Hey, come to think of it, the Lions are pretty good this year and no one has seen Wayne Fontes in years. Hmmmmm……makes you wonder doesn’t it? From 0 and 16 to a 5 and 2 start might require a pretty hefty sacrifice? Wayne? Where are you Wayne?