Suh-pid!

Is Ndamnukong Suh out of his rabid-ass mind?  I’m beginning to think so.  In front of a nationally televised audience the Lions abnormally large, but super talented defensive lineman thought it was a good idea to take Packers offensive lineman Even Deitrich-Smith’s head and bounce it off of Ford Field’s turf a few times before stomping on his arm.  While Ndamnukong (which by the way, how the f*ck do you pronounce his name?  In any name the consonant to vowel ratio shouldn’t be 4/1), might have a shit-ton of athletic talent, he has the intelligence of a common house-fly. 

This isn’t just about his bonehead antics on the field.  I can almost understand or even justify that.  If you’ve ever played sports you can understand the passion that comes with it.  Sometimes in the heat of the moment you do something stupid that the John Q. Citizen isn’t going to find sportsmanlike but unless you’re actually the one in that instant fit of passion you don’t understand.  The thing is, after the incident, regarding how severe it is, you have to man up to it and take responsibility for your actions.

This is when Suh-pid’s thoughts went off the reservation.  In his post game comments, following his ejection for stomping on an opposing player, Suh said the following:"I want to apologize to my teammates, my coaches and my true fans for allowing the refs to have an opportunity to take me out of this game.  What I did was remove myself from the situation the best way I felt, with me being held down.  My intention was not to kick anybody, as I did not, removing myself.  I was on top of a guy, being pulled down, and trying to get up off the ground -- and why you see me pushing his helmet down, because I'm trying to remove myself from the situation, and as I'm getting up, I'm getting pushed, so I'm getting myself on balance."

This quote says so many things, and most of them are completely stupid, but definitely entertaining.  Let’s break it down:

"I want to apologize to my teammates, my coaches and my true fans for allowing the refs to have an opportunity to take me out of this game.”  Ok…  While the opening sentence starts of in a good direction, nine words in it makes a wrong turn at Albuquerque.  He should apologize to his teammate and coaches.  His stupidity cost the Lions a touchdown, but that’s not what he’s apologizing for (we’ll get to that). 

As it continues he apologizes to his “real fans”.  Now by “real fans”, only one can assume it’s the “fans” that think he did nothing wrong because Suh is clearly in the right (at least in his mind).  That comment automatically alienates him from the average slob, sitting in their Laz-E-Boy, eating a leftover turkey sandwich, watching Sportscenter.  Not that they’ll find any sympathy for his actions, but because they’ll see the replay, hear his comments, and think he’s a bigger a**hole than he already is.
The kicker in this sentence is “for allowing the refs to have an opportunity to take me out of this game”.  If you actually BELIEVE the refs took him out of the game, you probably believe there was a second shooter on the grassy knoll.  There’s no conspiracy here guy with too many consonants in his name.  The bottom line is you f*cked up and deserved to get 86’d from the game.
This sentence would have been some much easier if Suh simply said “I’d like to apologize to my teammates, coaches, and fans.  I f*cked up.  In the heat of the moment, anger got the best of me, and I took it out on a second-rate lineman.”  If he simply said that the statement would have been over. 
Let’s continue…

What I did was remove myself from the situation the best way I felt, with me being held down.
This statement is 100% jack-shit.  It’s nothing but Suh-pid attempting to play the victim when he clearly was in the wrong.  See, and because he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed he doesn’t realize that once again he’s looking like a giant asshole.  Let’s say hypothetically he was being held down (which he clearly wasn’t), the best idea he thought of to break free from being held down was to repeatedly bang a man’s head on a concrete slab covered in Astroturf?  Then when you get up you stomp on their arm?  Maybe he felt, while being in front of 80,000 people, teammates, coaches, referees, and 5 million viewers on purpose, that his life was in danger. That then triggered a Vietnam flashback, and he went into “Rambo” survival mode.  That’s highly doubtful.
Next…
My intention was not to kick anybody, as I did not, removing myself. 
Most people might think this sentence is a lie but I disagree.  Technically he’s not lying.  He never kicked anyone.  He stomped on them (there is a difference and personally I prefer a kick).  This is Suh trying to be a kindergarten Matlock, but still looking like a jackass and not taking any responsibility for his idiocy.  What he failed to address is when he “didn’t kick” Deitrich-Smith he was already removed (if there was a lie there it was that he never removed himself but was assisted by other players).

I was on top of a guy, being pulled down, and trying to get up off the ground -- and why you see me pushing his helmet down, because I'm trying to remove myself from the situation, and as I'm getting up, I'm getting pushed, so I'm getting myself on balance."

First off this sentence begins like a rape victim giving a police statement but I’ll give Suh credit that he sticks to his story no matter what.  We know he was on top of a guy (that’s what she said), but where’s the magical force pulling him down?  And what’s this shit about trying to get up?  My girl’s three-year-old niece could see the video and realize he’s full of shit.

Another consistency in Suh’s statement is he’s clearly trying to remove himself from “The Situation” (which I can agree with because The Situation oozes douchebaggery), but it’s a self-inflicted “Situation” (much like those skanks he hooked up with who are now in line at the VD clinic).  My question is that in removing himself from “The Situation” he needed to bash a player’s head against the field multiple times (which is something I’d like to do to The Situation)???

As for the line of shit that he needed to use Deitrich-Smith’s head for balance to “remove himself from the situation”, the only two people I can think of who need to bounce something off the ground for balance to get up might be Michael J Fox or Muhammad Ali.  Come one Suh-pid, you’re better than that.
His excuses are about as good as Styx’s comeback record Edge of the Century (probably only Chris will get that reference but if you do excellent pick up).  All Suh had to do was simply apologize, but he chose to take the high road and be self-righteous a**hole.  I’d punch the guy in the face, but I’m a smart enough guy to realize he’ll kick my ass.  Instead I might punch his mom’s face for giving him such a stupid name.