So you already had the opportunity to be wow’d by my Eastern Conference report card. I’m sure you discussed it with your colleagues, drinking buddies, random strangers, and have come up with your own grades. That’s what I want. It’s what you deserve. Well now that you were able to drink in the Eastern Conference and digest it, let’s get on the Western Conference.
Anaheim Ducks – It can’t get much worse in Anaheim. It’s a team full of All-Stars playing like a bunch of girls, and if it weren’t for the Blue Jackets they’d be the worst team in the league. A coaching change is definitely in order and once that happens the Ducks might turn things around. There’s way too much talent on this team to keep this up, but right know they suck.
Grade: FCalgary Flames – Much like the Ducks, the Flames suck. The difference is that the Ducks are talented and the Flames aren’t. You’d think at some point Alex Tanguay and Jarome Ignila would turn things around but until that happens the Flames fans are counting on guys like Roman Horak and Brendan Morrison. Sorry Flames fans. If that continues, mail it in for the season because you’re shit out of luck.
Grade: DChicago Blackhawks – The Hawks are looking much like the team that won the Stanley Cup in 2010. Jonathan Toews, Patrick Kane, Patrick Sharp, and Marian Hossa have dominated other team’s defense and Corey Crawford, although snubbed from the All-Star Ballot, is one of the best goalies in the league. This team is for real and not much is going to change in Chi-town.
Grade: AColorado Avalanche – The Avs started the season hot, but reality has set in and the Avs are right where they belong, on the outside looking in. Look Avs fans, I don’t mean to pop your cherry, but this was expected. The Avalanche are just not a good team. While they have some young talent in the organization, they’re a long way from serious contention.
Grade: CColumbus Blue Jackets – The only thing Columbus has to cheer for is that Urban Meyer will coach Ohio State football, because the Blue Jackets are trash. I want to know what kind of sexual favors Scott Arniel is doing to keep his job because the Jackets are unwatchable. Jeff Carter has been a bust (he misses his boyfriend Mike Richards), and only two months in a Blue Jackets sweater he’s already demanding a trade. I feel bad for Rick Nash. He’s a great player stuck on a shitty team.
Grade: FDallas Stars – The Stars have cooled since a red-hot start but are still a competitive team every night. A big reason for this is the red-hot start of goalie Kari Lehtonen who has stood on his head at times and is tied for the league lead in wins. Youngsters Jamie Benn and Loui Eriksson are going to have to keep up their scoring pace for the Stars to continue this success, but I don’t see any signs of a big collapse.
Grade: BDetroit Red Wings – The Red Wings once again are fighting for the top-spot in their division. GM Mike Babcock does a hell of a job putting a competitive Wings team together no matter how old they appear. Thus far it’s goalie Jimmy Howard that is keeping the Wings in contention. While the offense hasn’t heated up yet, I don’t doubt it will. European veterans are like an old car in cold weather. It has to warm up before it drives well.
Grade: AEdmonton Oilers – The Oilers are still a couple years away but have an exciting young nucleus, which is a reason Oilers fans should be excited. At 18, Ryan Nugent-Hopkins is already becoming a dominant force and Taylor Hall and Jordan Eberle are just beginning to show their true potential. In order for the Oilers to continue to compete Nikolai Khabibulin is going to have to play like a Vezina candidate. I still have my doubts they’re a playoff team but they’ll be exciting to watch.
Grade: BLos Angeles Kings – In the preseason I picked the Kings to be near the top of the Western Conference standings. Like most of my preseason predictions, I’ve been way off base to date (but it’s not over yet). The Kings have been playing a real sloppy brand of hockey and the offense is non-existent (their 55 goals scored is 13th in the conference). Goalie Jonathan Quick can only do so much but if Mike Richards, Simon Gagne, Justin Williams and Anze Kopitar can’t get the offense going, the Kings are going nowhere. Oh, and Dustin Penner is lazy (sorry, I hate Penner).
Grade: CMinnesota Wild – The Wild have no offense. In fact they rank last in the conference with only 54 goals scored. Sniper Dany Heatley is under performing, only scoring six goals to date and their leading goal scorer, Matt Cullen, has only eight. Yet given these facts the Wild are still in first place in the Northwest Division, thanks to the defense and goaltending. In saying all this, unless the offense gets their ass in gear the current record of the Wild is a mirage. The Western Conference is way too good to win solely on defense.
Grade: ANashville Predators – Goalie Pekka Rinne started off hot and was awarded a multi-year extension. Since he got “paid”, Renne has struggled some and when he struggles so do the Predators because they can’t put the puck in the net. Shea Weber and Ryan Suter are both elite defenseman and are the best defensive pairing I can remember since Chris Pronger and Scott Niedermeyer. I really like this team on paper and if Rinne gets hot, the rest of the league will notice.
Grade: CPhoenix Coyotes – I didn’t expect much from the post-Gretzky Coyotes, especially after they traded Ilya Bryzgalov to the Flyers and replaced him with Mike Smith. Those moves have worked out. While Bryzgalov has struggled with inconsistency in Philly, Smith is putting up All-Star numbers. Offensively they play true team hockey and although there’s no sexy name on the roster, every line can hurt you. The Coyotes will be in Quebec, Hamilton, Kansas City, or Seattle soon; so Coyotes fans, enjoy it while it lasts.
Grade: BSt. Louis Blues – The Blues started off the season terribly. Goalie Jaroslav Halak was an abomination and the offense completely forgot how to play hockey. Once they fired coach Davis Payne in favor of Ken Hitchcock (dick), they’ve turned things around. Since Hitchcock took the reins in St. Louis they have won seven games and only lost one game in regulation. Hitchcock has a history for turning franchises around so it’ll be interesting to see how this pans out.
Grade: BSan Jose Sharks – The Sharks are right where they are supposed to be; atop the Pacific Division, even though starting goalie Antti Niemi missed the first few weeks (Thomas Greiss did a great job in his absence). The offseason trade of sending Dany Heatley to Minnesota for Brent Burns really bolstered the defense. There’s no doubt the Sharks will be in control of their own destiny the remainder of the season. The question is will they keep it up in the playoffs or continue to be on the level with Philip Rivers and remain giant choke artists.
Grade: AVancouver Canucks – When the season started the Canucks were God awful and spent the first few weeks of the season in the basement in the Northwest Division (how come no one rioted?). Since then the Canucks have turned it on and are currently riding a four game winning streak and they now find themselves in second place in the Northwest. Even though they are hot they still haven’t played to their potential so Canucks fans have many reasons to smile (and not flip a car).
Grade: CThere you have it Rioters! The report cards have been handed out. Where do you stand? Let me know at shatmeself@yahoo.com, and tell me where I’m right (or in most cases, where I’m wrong). Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter @TheSportsRiot. I’m going to harass you guys until I see you following. All you have to do is click a button. Make it happen.
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