1 – Goddamn my head hurts. Something told me that going out last night, well at least after the Phillies game might not have ended well. Don’t get me wrong, I had a fun time, but this morning I want to jump out a window.
Jesus it hurts to type…
When the game ended we left the bar. I intended on going home, but after getting an irritating phone call, I deemed one more beer at the go-go bar was in order (SIDEBAR: You know you go to the go-go bar too much when you walk in and the dancers know you like you’re Norm in Cheers). Well one beer led to two beers, which led to six, which led to shots, which led to me eating a Pats Cheesesteak and watching Southpark at 3AM.
I don’t recommend this type of behavior to amateurs. Or anyone for that matter.
2- Big News in the World of Soccer. USA! USA! USA! The US men’s soccer team has made the finals of the CONCACAF Gold Cup Finals and will face Mexico on Saturday night in Pasadena, California. Now I know we often say that soccer is not that big of a deal in this country, but for some reason I’m sensing some excitement for this match-up on Saturday. First off, the match is taking place in Northern Mexico, otherwise known as SoCal or Southern California so the Rose Bowl will be packed for this one. Secondly, this US team is just getting better and let me tell you, I may never root for the San Jose Earthquakes of the MLS, but my God I will be amped for the World Cup in 2014 if the US keeps getting better. It’s exciting when the quality of play is that high.3 – For the past few years the Phillies have been one of the most aggressive base running teams. They have consistently been a top team in stolen bases and more importantly they have led the league in stolen base percentage. The main reason for this was first base coach, Davy Lopes.
Well Lopes didn’t return for the 2011 season. He didn’t like his contract, so he joined Don Mattingly’s staff in La-La Land. The Phillies replaced him with Juan Samuel.
Samuel was a fan favorite here in Philadelphia, and also was a stolen base leader throughout his career. So in theory, Samuel should be able to work with the base runners and help them continue steal bases. That is of course if he was the first base coach. For some ass-backwards reason, manager Charlie Manuel shifted Sam Perlozzo from third to first base and made Samuel the third base coach.
Where’s the friggin’ sense here??? I know Perlozzo made some mistakes with sending runners home last season, but if moving him was to avoid mistakes, FIRE HIM!!! Perlozzo has been a failed manager and a failed coach.
Given the Phillies lack of power this year, they need to create runs. Aggressive base running does that. That makes Juan Samuel a much better option at first.
4- Is anyone else completely bored and dumbfounded by the continuous and mind numbing coverage of the NBA draft this year. My God it’s ridiculous. First off, it is the most forgettable cast of future criminals the NCAA has yet to produce. Outside of Jimmer Fredette, who will be remembered mostly for his name being Jimmer. WTF? I mean you know the draft sucks when most of your analysts are picking Kyrie Irving to go #1. This guy got hurt and played only ten games in college and now he’s supposed to save the Cavs? He couldn’t navigate the ACC schedule for 30 games and now he’s supposed to step up and play 82 in the NBA? This is going to be awesome. Poor Cleveland. All they have to look forward to right now is the inevitable collapse of an Indians team that was playing way over its head (that’s already begun) and the return of LeBron James sometime next season, if there is a season, so they can boo him relentlessly. It’s bleak in Cleveland and it’s bleak at the NBA draft this year. As for Derrick Williams, he’s probably the best player available in this draft, but that’s not saying much considering Jimmer Fredette, a 6th man at best, is not far from Williams’ level of play.
5 – Rhinestone who? Country singer Glen Campbell has announced that he has Alzheimer’s Disease. The main reason he decided to make this announcement was because he didn’t want people to think he was drunk on stage during the “Glen Campbell Goodbye Tour”.
This made me think of two things. 1) Glen Campbell’s mug shot when he got busted for DUI is second only to Nick Nolte’s mug shot for DUI. 2) Can I use the Alzheimer’s defense next time I’m stumbling home from the bar?
6- I’m not finished yet with this excrutiating coverage that ESPN is doing on the NBA Draft and the NFL. I watched SportsCenter this morning for an hour and here’s what I saw; 20 minutes of NBA Draft coverage, 15 minutes of NFL lockout coverage, 4 minutes of US men’s soccer coverage, 2 minutes of US women’s soccer coverage at the World Cup in Germany, 5 minutes of Wimbledon and 7 minutes of Baseball. WTF ESPN? Hey guys, do you know that they are actually PLAYING BASEBALL RIGHT NOW! Why on God’s green earth are we covering a sport that is showing little signs of actually getting on the field anytime soon, and a sport’s draft that is going to produce not one star; NOT ONE! On top of that, the NBA is probably going to be locked out also, so this draft will mean even less in 3 months. 35 minutes of coverage for sports that aren’t even close to being on the field of play. Here are some things that happened in baseball last night that deserves more than 7 minutes of coverage. Cliff Lee threw his 3rd complete game shutout of the season, the Mets and A’s go 13 and it was reported that there was less than 3,000 left in the building (that’s a story in NY folks, that team is .500 and has a potential MVP candidate on it and is in the biggest sports market in the world) and it ended on a walk-off hit-by-pitch, how often does that happen? In addition to the game itself in NY last night, what about the continued trade talks involving Jose Reyes. No, can’t talk about that, let’s wax poetically about who might be good in the AFC next season IF they get on the field. UGH, ESPN has become such a chore.
7 – There might be an alcohol theme today (at least from my desk in Philadelphia), dunno. I’m a long lover of cheap beer. I find craft beer to be pompous and the equivalent of people ordering absurd drinks at Starbucks (what the hell ever happened to coffee flavored coffee?). If my cheap beer comes in a can, that’s only a bonus.
While as of late I have developed a taste for National Bohemian (Natty Bo for those in the know), not just because it comes from “The Land of Pleasant Living”, but I enjoy the taste. I’m also a big fan of Pabst Blue Ribbon. But recently things have changed and I’ve lost the taste of PBR (but I’ll still drink it)! I’m not sure if it’s because my mass quantities of Natty Bo, or my new found taste, Miller High Life.
There’s something about the Champagne of Beers that wets my whistle (and a big reason why I want to jump off the Ben Franklin Bridge at the moment). My only concern is High Life might be a little too classy for me.
8- I went to a “Pirate festival” over the weekend and I had a pretty good time. There was a Cannon battle, sword fights and scantily clad wenches everywhere. This of course does not bother me all that much, I’m married so I’m not out looking, but it got me to thinking; do you really think pirate women were sexy. If you look up the definition of pirate it states “One who robs at sea or plunders the land from the sea without commission from a sovereign nation.” Now nowhere in that definition does it say “skank” or “to appear as a whore.” I think a lot of these women who go to these things dressed as strippers from Treasure Island really are just trying to find an excuse to be slutty. Now mind you, I’m not against a women looking sexy. But there is a line and a lot of these women crossed it. First off, I think it’s supposed to be a family event. I don’t know what led me to that conclusion. Maybe it was the Kid’s Stage, the Kid’s Tent and the Bouncy Houses all over the place. The second line that was crossed is the women who wore half shirts, super short skirts, and bustiers and garter belts that clearly should not have been. You ladies now who you are, cut the shit. I have no problem with a heavier gal looking sexy, hell I appreciate it, but there is the right way and then there’s the wrong way. A few hundred lady “pirates” did it the wrong way this weekend. I should not, nor should my children, be exposed to a 20 something woman who clearly can’t put the burger down and has never heard of “taking a walk,” wearing a bustier with rolls out of the top and the bottom, sorry not for the children, and not for me either. Ladies, you can be sexy and discreet my God. Men, you are all the same but nobody says anything because there is a wicked double standard in this country and you are allowed to be fat and shirtless; but still no one wants to see it so put on a shirt tubby.
9 – So last night I’m out with my buddy Steve watching the Phillies game. It was the ninth inning, and another buddy was calling. I decided since the game was on I’d call him back after the game. Strangely he left a voicemail (he never does that), I figure something might be wrong so I check my voicemail. Strangely, it wasn’t my buddy but some chick. The voicemail went as follows:
“Hi Jay, this is Jen. I’d love to speak with you. Please call (friend who will remain nameless) phone back at your nearest convenience.”
So I think it’s pretty stupid and I had no intention of returning this call. I tell Steve about it and he thinks I should return the call. Based on the voicemail he thought maybe it was a recommendation for a writing gig (and I can use some extra cash). So after the game I return the call. It goes as follows:
“Hello” (woman’s voice)
“Good evening, is this (friend who will remain nameless) phone?”
“Yes it is.”
“May I speak to Jen?”
“Speaking”
“Hi Jen, this is Jay, I’m returning your call.”
“Hi Jay thanks for returning my call. How are you this evening?”
“I’m well, just finished watching the Phillies game. How are you?”
“I’m doing good.”
“So how can I help you?”
“Well I thought you stutter.”
“I do”
“Well why aren’t you stuttering now?”
“Well I don’t stutter all the time.”
“Oh, I was hoping you’d stutter for me.”
“Sorry to disappoint you sweetheart.”
“Ok, bye”
“Later”
Now I was born with a stutter. When I was young, it was pretty bad (just ask Chris). But as I’ve gotten older it’s gotten a lot better. Now it pretty much only comes out when I’m nervous. Granted friends know I stutter and they break my balls about it, and I’m fine with that. In my group of friends we constantly break each others balls, but for a supposed “friend” (which I was by his side daily when he had some medical issues), to have some two-bit whore call me so they can laugh at my stutter isn’t f*cking cool.
After I hung up I sent him the following text:
“s-s-s-sorry to ruin y–y-y-your f-f-f-fun you s-s-s-stupid bitch.”
10- So since this has turned into “Linner with The Riot!” or “Dunch with The Riot!” (because it was so late, technical issues) I’m just going to sum this up by saying thanks to you Rioters! for hanging with us daily. You are awesome and just keep spreading the word. We are growing and big things are on the horizon so if you have questions, comments or you just want to say HI!, email us at thesportsriot@yahoo.com.
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