Riot!-isms

With the football lockout continuing to drag along, I'm fearful that the NFL will start late or dare I say it cancel there season altogether. Not because I love the NFL that much (I do), but the real reason is I will be so sad not to see that fat, comb over wearing, over paid, over played, and over hyped wind bag Chris Berman on my TV the first Sunday in September. Once an innovative and funny play by play guy, reporter and anchor has become a bad comedian with a bad shtick, and an even worse comb-over. The Berman-ism was his most fun and innovative contribution to the ESPN brand back in the mid 80's and in my opinion was the beginning of the Sportscenter you see today. For those who don't know, a Berman-ism is the nicknames he gives players during his broadcasts.  I don't know if that's an official title, but that's what I call them.  Here are some of the great examples from the past: Jay "Ferris" Buhner, Bert "Be Home" Blyleven, Jeff "see through" Blauser, and my all time favorite Mark Carreon "My wayward son." That was 20 years ago. Over the past 10 years or so he hasn't done the nicknames as often, and when he tries to pull out a newbie, it's just not good.  I think the last one I heard was during the All Star Game last season and he said Josh "Alexander" Hamilton. Well, it's a nice name, and a good way to honor an ex-prez, but it's not creative at all. I actually thought that it might have been his actual middle name (it's Holt BTW). I think Berman needs to shake it up and do a show on satellite radio or HBO, and work a little blue with his Berman-isms.  Maybe he's feeling a little held down by the restraints of such a family friendly company and network like Disney and ESPN.  So we here at The Riot! have decided to give Chris Berman a push, and come up with some of our own, not safe for ESPN, Berman-isms. Now, not all of these are R-Rated, but most will be.

Buster "ankle" Posey (sorry Giants fans, looks like a repeat just isn't in the cards)
Serge "Chew" Ibaka
Derrick "bloom is off the" Rose (he better step up tonight)
Tim Lincecum "in a sock"
RA "Big Fat" Dickey
Ben "gettin' busy between the" Sheets
Rick Welts "Asses"
Kevin "Corn on the "Kolb
"S"Cam Newton (just a thought)
Vince "Likes'em" Young
JaMarcus "can't put the burger down, you fat fuck" Russell (well it's true. I didn't say they were all going to be cute either)
Miguel Tejada "you pay this guy to play baseball anymore....he sucks"
Mary Pierce"d her nips"
Bob Costas "millions after he came out of the closet"
Joe Buck "'em all"
Tiger Woods "if he could" (If you know what I mean.......He likes the whores)
Doug Weight "and see" (he retired today, good player)
Evgeni Malkin"tent"
Duane Wade "through the bitches"
Ray "the murderer" Lewis (a little truth in a nickname)
Novak "choke a bitch" (if you know who this is, I'm impressed)

It's a start. I know they are not great, but they are better than what the old man is putting out these days. Send us your ideas for new Berman-isms, and lets get this off the ground. Send all submissions to thesportsriot@yahoo.com, and we will forward them to the infinite comb over.