Hey
suckers! By suckers I’m talking about those who are buying all kinds of cards, candy, roses, those stupid candy hearts,
with campy phrases and take like shit, just to make your valentine happy. Valentine’s Day is for suckers. Don’t think I’m being bitter here, I’m
naturally an asshole. I just think if
you need a day to show someone special in your life that you care about them
you’re a piece of shit.
Okay… Now that I got that off my chest, let’s talk
some sports.
Jeff
Carter – As an American, I’m pulling for USA gold in hockey, but
today’s Canada/Austria game was rad. If
you missed it, Carter scored three consecutive goals in twelve minutes, giving
him a natural hat trick. It was the
first time this happened since 1988 in Calgary when some guy who’s name I can’t
locate (I heard it on the broadcast and spent an hour looking for online), netted three in a row . The last time a Canadian did it was 58 years
ago when Paul Knox had his natural hat trick, ironically, over Austria. Too bad Carter didn’t do that here in Philly.
Before
Carter fans get on me, he had ONE great season with the Flyers. The rest of his seasons were decent.
Richie
Incognito – Why is this guy
still in the headlines? Everyone knows
he bullied Jonathan Martin. He’s that
kind of guy. I mean, come on, look at
him. Homeboy looks like Baby Huey. This is the same asshole in high school who
would give dudes wedgies, snap towels in the locker room, and other high school
forms of homoeroticism. Do you want to
know the best way to make him go away?
Ignore him! He loves the attention! Pay no mind to him and his fat ass will drift
into the sunet.
Hendrik
Zetterberg – So it was announced today that Zetterberg will miss the
remainder of the Olympics, and probably some time when the NHL reconvenes, due to
a herniated disk in his back. I’ve got a
serious fucking problem with this situation.
If he knew his back was bothering him before the Olympic break (which he
did), why the hell did he to go to Sochi?!?
I get the whole Ra! Ra! patriotism nonsense, but his allegiance should
ally with the Detroit Red Wings, not the Swedish Olympic Team. The Wings are in a dogfight for the wildcard
this season and they have no one on their team who could replace Zetterberg
should he be out long term.
More
importantly, why the hell did the Red Wings give him the green light to go to? He has already missed 12 games
this season because of his wonky back. Maybe
the Wings are getting what they deserve should Zetterberg miss significant
time, but you bet your ass Gary Bettman is going to be looking into this before
he makes his final decision if NHLers will participate in the 2018 Olympics.
USA/Russia
Prediction – Team USA has a big game tomorrow against the
Russians. The Russians are the host
country and a big favorite to take home the gold. The Americans are no push over themselves, so
this should be a good game. I’m calling
4-2 ‘Mercan’s, the fourth goal is an empty netter. Book it.
Jim
Fregosi – On sad note, former MLB manager Jim Fregosi passed away after
having a stroke. Fregosi was in baseball
for 53 years, including managing the Phillies, Angels, White Sox, and Blue
Jays. He holds a special place in my
heart because he was the manager of the 1993 Phillies, my favorite Phillies
team. Our condolences go out to his
family as they grieve this loss.
Have a great
weekend. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do
(which isn’t much). For the suckers out
there who picked up some grocery store roses and a box of Russell Stover, I
hope you get a blowie (but you probably won’t).
I can be found on Twitter @JayPlatt.
Go USA!
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