Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Lunchtime with The Riot! (Tuesday 6/22)

It’s Lunchtime again and that can only mean one thing, time for The Sports Riot! Ten topics for your enjoyment. Today, we are doing all things North of the Border. All Canada, all lunchtime, in honor of the Winnipeg Jets officially coming back to the NHL next season. 
1 - Congratulations to the City of Winnipeg!  The NHL board of Governors unanimously passed the sale to the former Atlanta Thrashers to the True North Group, and approved the relocation to Winnipeg.  I called this a month ago and it's awesome the NHL returns to its’ rightful place.

Although the Winnipeg TBD's will have the smallest arena in the NHL, with 13,000 tickets already sold, the TBD's will not be hurting for a crowd.  That's more than I can say about when they were in Atlanta.
2- The fires are finally out in Vancouver and what has to go down as one of the most embarrassing hissy-fits a city has ever thrown after a loss is finally over.  And from this giant hissy came some comedy.  I’m sure you’ve all seen the pic of the guy and the girl making out in the middle of the road while the city burned and people were being tear-gassed right?  How do you think those two people came to the conclusion that this was the time and the place? What was that conversation like? I have a few theories:
*”I am so horny and I know I may well be in jail soon for looting that store and pissing on that cop’s car.  And all the play I’m going to get in prison will be of the rectal kind sooooooo you look good. You’ll do, his my name is….never mind.”
*Like a bad movie: “I Love you so much darling that I couldn’t stand to not have your embrace just one last time. If this really is the end, I want to go with you in my arms.” Cue the dramatic music.  I hope the next pic in that guy camera is a transit bus plowing into to them.
*”Oh shit they saw me!” He grabs the closest “girl” and starts tonguing her only to find out it’s a kooky Canucks fans wearing a blonde wig. (I assume all Canucks fans are dudes)
*After the kiss “See, you dicks, told you I wasn’t gay.”
*Girl: “Maybe we can be like that famous picture from V-day with the sailor and that random girl; that was so romantic.”
Dude: “yea whatever, I paid for an hour can we get to it?”
Who knows what it was actually like, but at least something amusing came from that embarrassing mess in Vancouver last week.
3 - Last night my buddy Steve and I were discussing Canadian bands.  Some jackass played Nickelback and it made me want to chug my beer and hit the bricks.  Artists like Bryan Adams, Corey Hart, Barenaked Ladies, and the afore mentioned Nickelback (these assholes really jacked up Canadian music with their shitty songs and overdone pyrotechnics.  Maybe I'm just not white trash enough to get it), have ruined it for our friends to the north.  Personally I respect the fact that they are one of the most musically talented groups, but I can't even stomach Rush (sorry Chris).

We pointed out that all isn't bad with Canadian music.    The country is also home to some rad bands like Arcade Fire, Wolf Parade, The Subhumans, Belvedere, The Black Lungs, City & Colour, The Sainte Catherines, and Yesterday's Ring.  While they're not household names to the average American, it's good shit.
4- There goes Jay being all “too cool for the room” again (Just Kidding bro, we’ve had the RUSH fight for years now). I have to rebut though, not only is RUSH one of the greatest classic bands ever, but they are making one hell of a commercial comeback.  This resurgence began about 2 years ago when the documentary “Beyond the Lighted Stage” won critical acclaim at the Tribeca film festival. And I have to say that it may be one of the best documentaries I’ve ever seen.  Not just because I’m a RUSH fan; my wife even enjoyed a lot of it and she really doesn’t like RUSH. Anyway, there popularity has soared since then, making appearances on “The Colbert Report” and Letterman and having to add a 2nd leg to their US tour this summer.  30+ years and still going strong, good job Canada.
5 - I got to thinking about NHL entry draft and who the Oilers will draft with the first overall pick.  Last year they held the first pick and snagged left winger Taylor Hall and he had a strong rookie campaign until it was cut short with a high ankle sprain.  While the Oilers biggest need is a defenseman, and Adam Larsson would perfectly fit that bill, but it's almost impossible to pass on Ryan Nugent-Hopkins and his playmaking abilities.  He's a front line center who can lead Edmonton for years to come.

A rumor has surfaced that the Oilers are considering trading the top pick to the Panthers and getting the #3 overall.  This sounds like a farce.  If they made this deal they would lose out on both Nugent-Hopkins and Larsson.  It would make more sense for the Oilers to trade the #19 pick (which they also hold), and move up to draft defenseman Dougie Hamilton.
6- I’m going to make a plea for a change right now.  I think the Toronto Blue Jays need a break.  I mean here’s a team that has been over .500 for four of the last five without even a sniff of the playoffs.  I believe if they played in the Central division they would have made the playoffs and even been a better team in those playoffs.  Other than the Tigers in 2006, the AL central has been one and done. I don’t how, but realignment is in order for the self-esteem of a pretty good franchise. Since winning the World Series in 1993, they have not returned to the postseason, and the reason, the Yankees and the Red Sox.  They have a monopoly on winning in the AL east.  Now I know you’re thinking everyone has to play the schedule they are given and sometimes some divisions are stronger than others. OK, I get that, but look at this; eleven out of sixteen AL wild card winners have been either the Yankees or the Red Sox. The only other AL east team to win the wild card was the 1996 Orioles. That is cornering the market on winning. I know that the Jays have been in the mid-80’s in win totals this decade, but wouldn’t you get demoralized after a while when you realized it may take close to 100 wins to get that wild card spot.  And it’s because the Jays just can’t compete salary wise.  Maybe the realignment should be based on the amount of money teams are worth.  WOW! There’s an idea. I think I will reexamine this issue later, but for now, just put the Jays in the AL Central, it may make no sense geographically, but I guarantee a playoff berth when you do.
7 - During my music conversation with Steve last night we switched to the conversation of alcohol (there’s a shock), and our love for Canadian Whiskey.  While Steve prefers Seagram’s VO, I have a love for Canadian Windsor.

Widely regarded as cheap whiskey, I find Canadian Windsor to be nectar of the gods and I'll take it over that shit Jameson any day of the week.  If you don't believe me, next time you're in Philly look me up.  We'll meet at Rays and have a whiskey challenge.
8- What’s up with Mike Myers?  I mean the dude hasn’t made a decent live action movie since “So I Married an Axe Murderer.” I used think “Austin Powers” was good but upon further review, it just doesn’t hold up.  “Wayne’s World” and “So I…” are good comedies that hold up over time, Austin Powers just doesn’t.  Thank God for Shrek right?  He has tried to do some serious stuff like “54” and all that, but once you’ve seen “The Love Guru” you can’t scrub that shit from your brain.  Now I hear he’s playing Keith Moon, the Who’s legendary drummer, in a biography of his life. I don’t how that’s going to go over. I just hope that he doesn’t have Austin Powers playing in The Who; that would be awful.  
9 - Since I've been discussing Canadian music, how can we forget about Canada's greatest white rapper Snow?  You remember Snow, that assclown who had the hit "Informer"?

Snow claimed he wrote his one hit while in the joint on an assault charge (all white rappers need to prove themselves with some sort of street cred, right Vanilla Ice?).  Fortunately for all of us he was a one hit wonder (at least in the States), so we weren't tormented with any other shit he recorded.  I wonder what he's doing these days???  Rumor has it he's a hot dog vendor at Toronto's Rogers Centre.
10- So let me take this opportunity to praise one of my all-time favorite winter Olympic sports Curling. What an awesome sport this is.  Well, I use the term “sport” lightly, lets’ say competition.  Curling, for those who don’t know, is pretty much shuffleboard on ice with the added elements of brooms and guiding the “rock.” When I hear it described or I’m even doing it myself, I’m bored to tears, but for some reason that goofy competition comes on during the Winter Olympiad and I’m glued.  Maybe I feel connected to it in a way because my father was a janitor and this is a competition is clearly something experienced janitors would be amazing at.  Skillfully sweeping the ice to steer a rock into the right place? That’s what my dad was good at, among other things; sweeping and parallel parking.  That is essentially what Curling is.  I don’t know, I think if it were on more often in this country, I would watch it all the time. 
Thanks for spending your lunchtime with The Riot! We’ll see you tomorrow.

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