It’s Wednesday and that means another edition of Jay’s Mailbag. If you don’t know the deal, here’s how it works. Readers email me questions at shatmeself@yahoo.com and I do my best to give the best advice or opinion that only I can do.
What’s the last movie you watched?
Karen - Newton, MA
I’m a bit boring when it comes to movies and watch the same five or so movies repeatedly (I dork out like that). Technically the last movie I watched was the Big Lewbowski, but currently I think Flight of the Phoenix is playing in the background (which appears to be pretty lame).
The last movie I saw in the theaters was Hangover Part 2. While I didn’t think it was as good as the first one, it definitely had some funny moments. The scene in IHOP was pretty classic.
So a seal walks into a club.
Dave – Barrington, IN
Hopefully it was a baby seal.
As a hockey fan I too am pleased NHL hockey is returning to Winnipeg, but aren’t you taking this a little too far? I’m a diehard Rangers fan and I’d never wear opposing colors to see my team play.
Gary - Bay Shore, NY
Gary,
You can never take hockey in Winnipeg too far. The Winnipeg TBD’s are an Official Riot! Team and I will stand behind them 100%. I’m taking a ton of shit from my friends who are questioning my allegiance to the Flyers, and even then I still will not back down on my support of the TBD’s.
As far as being a Rangers fan, I’m sorry. Maybe you need to find a bandwagon of your own.
Hey! I agree with you that golf isn’t a sport. I think it’s pretty damn gay but to say bowling is a sport??? Come on Chief, no shot.
Kyle - Dearborn, MI
Did you actually just Chief me? Really? I can’t stand behind that Ace. Un-Chief me and I’ll be happy to discuss bowling.
I was out last weekend and I wore sunglasses in the bar. My girlfriend said I looked like a tool. When are sunglasses appropriate?
Dean - Valdosta, GA
Were you outside? Unless you were outside, you’re girlfriend is correct. You’re an absolute toolbag. Do you think you’re R. Kelly? Well if you do, then you’re a bigger tool then your old lady thinks. My rule of thumb is unless you’re outside and the sun is out, don’t be an asshole, take the sunglasses off. Oh, and don’t prop them on the top of your head either. Its step one in becoming a guy who drops a mickey in a girl’s drink to get laid.
I know the Phillies have the best record in the league but they can’t seem to shake the Marlins. Does this concern you?
Tony – Chester, PA
Hmmm. Let me try and say this in the most unbiased way. While the Phillies have the best record in baseball, I do not think they are the best team. I’d give that to the Red Sox who are in a much tougher division (only division with four teams over .500)..
The pitching is holding up but the offense has become a total joke. Their lineup is full of holes right now and it seems like when one player slumps the entire team slumps. An excuse can be made for injuries (most recently Jimmy Rollins), but all teams have gone through injuries. They need to quit pressing, and get back to the basics.
In saying all this, the Phillies will win the division and make the playoffs, but the offense needs to step up in order for them to advance.
Why do you feel the need to use such harsh language? You can get a point across without sounding like such a filth mouth.
Sheila – Enid, OK
I’m not sure what the f*ck you mean? I don’t find much of any language harsh. The language all people use is a simple form of expression and if I feel the need to have a “filth mouth” (that was a real dumb shit choice of words by the way), I will. Keep on reading Shiela.
Yo, where you think Plax will end up? Homeboy still has juice!
Rincon – Bronx, NY
Plax will definitely be back next year (if there is an actual season). I think he’s going to have to accept an incentive-laden deal similar to what the Eagles gave Michael Vick. Speaking of the Eagles, I think that might be a good landing spot for him. The Eagles need a big wide receiver that can produce in the red zone and that is what Burress is. He’d also be a great compliment for Desean Jackson.
One thing I’d insist is that there’s a clause in his contract that he doesn’t wear sweatpants in public. Aside from when carrying a gun you might shoot your balls off, it’s really low brow.
I’m still looking 4 u cuz. be on the lookout! Loose douche!
Vince – Philly
Vince,
You are becoming my favorite reader. You’re persistent and your emails are well thought out. I’m a little disappointed in this one, it looks more like a poorly written text message. I’ll be on the lookout though. When I see the guy with missing teeth, I’ll assume it’s you.
You still never explained what a “loose douche” is. I really would like to know. It might actually be funny.
Thanks for the kind words about Winnipeg landing an NHL team. I’ve missed the Jets since they left town and can’t wait for the upcoming season. What do you think our chances are this year and what do you think the team name should be?
Tylie – Winnipeg, MA
As you’ve read I’m stoking the return as well. I really think it’s too early to tell what the upcoming season holds since we’ve yet to hit the draft and free agency. I expect a lot of changes, especially since you have a new GM (and possibly a new coach), so as the summer progresses I’ll re-address it.
As far as the team name, the only option is the Jets.
My wife bought me an airbrushed sweatshirt. Although it’s the Kansas City Chiefs, which is my favorite team, I feel like as asshole when I wear it. But my wife complains when I don’t wear it enough. What’s the solution?
Marty - Wichita, KS
The solution is to donate the sweatshirt to Goodwill. In fact don’t even do that. The homeless won’t even wear airbrushed clothing. It’s really a step up from being Bedazzled. You should just burn it and say it was stolen out of your locker at the gym.
Sorry Marty, unless it’s a Midwest thing, you’re wife has terrible taste. Don’t let that be a reflection on you.
You know Moe Mantha really wasn’t that good of a hockey player right? I don’t get the constant Moe Mantha references.
Larry – Marietta, GA
Moe Mantha is a legendary player, so show a little respect. Read Chris’s article about the origin of Moe Mantha and you’ll get it. Long live Moe Mantha!
Where are you right now?
Julie – New Castle, DE
Ray’s Happy Birthday Bar. Care to meet for a drink?
Well that’s it for this week. If I missed your question, I’ll get to it next week. Keep sending your emails or comments to shatemeself@yahoo.com and I’ll discuss it on The Riot!
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