Game Etiquette

After reading about Chris’s experience at the Giants game on Sunday it inspired me to revisit etiquette.  In our first installment, we covered bar etiquette and it was received well.  Now we’re going to cover game etiquette.  This is stuff we should know, but unfortunately there are a lot of ignoramuses out there, so class is in session.

Children

Like Chris on Sunday, most parents who are sports fans really get excited when they are taking their child to their first live sporting event.  I remember mine and it’s a rite of passage for all sports fans. 

That being said, your child isn’t the center of everyone’s universe.  If your kid is carrying on and becoming a distraction, get up and take your kid out of the seat.  People are paying good money to watch a sporting event and shouldn’t have to deal with a crying kid who wants ice cream.

Your child also needs to sit in his seat.  I know it’s probably not easy for a kid to sit through an entire game, which is why you need to get up for a bit.  This also avoids your child becoming a distraction.  Never, ever, ever let your kid run through the stands.  They can hurt themselves, it’s annoying to everyone, and makes you a bad parent.

Attire

I’ve touched on this in the past (I think in a mailbag, I have the memory of a goldfish), but I want to go into it a little deeper.  It’s pretty simple and it takes basic common sense. 

If you’re opting to wear some type of sports gear, it must be relevant to the game.  If the Phillies are playing the Mets, leave it to those two teams.  No one gives a sh*t if you’re a Red Sox fan, and you just end up looking like an *ssh*le. Also, and this is big here in Philadelphia, if you’re at a Phillies game, leave your Eagles and Flyers gear at home (no one gives a shit about the Sixers).  Just because you’re wearing gear from the same city doesn’t mean you’re representing.  You’re better off not wearing any gear at all and avoid looking stupid.

There is one exception to this rule.  You can wear a different jersey if that player is on that team.  I own a Mike Vick Falcons jersey and I’ve worn it to Eagles games.  It still holds relevance.

Fellas, leave the flip flops at home; they’re made for the beach not a stadium, and no one wants to see your jacked up feet.  Should you still opt for the flip flops, I hope you get your foot stepped on.  Be a “bro” somewhere else.

I support all gear except one.  The visor. Visors are made for chicks and no man should wear one unless he is on the golf course.  Anytime I see some douche wearing a visor (especially if it’s backwards), I silently pray he gets herpes.

Ladies…  You have attire responsibility as well.  You’re going to a sporting event so dress like it.  Countless times, I’ve seen women walking around the stadium dressed like they’re going to an R. Kelly concert.  Your war paint, big hoop earrings, short skirt, tube top, f*ck me pumps, and hair gel aren’t going anywhere.  They’ll be waiting for you when you get home. There’s no reason to inflict that on people who are trying to enjoy a game.

Your Seat

When arriving at the stadium, take note of who is around you.  If you’re sitting in a section full of nuns or a summer camp trip, watch your language (although making a nun blush is a good time).  You have to have respect for other people around you.  If you want to bitch, complain, and carry on like white trash, do it in your local bar (that’s where I do it).  Occasionally you will slip, passion inflicts that and if you’re not used to being around children it’s bound to happen.  If it does, simply apologize and don’t do it again.

You should also plan ahead.  If you’re someone who pees a lot or feels the need to stretch you legs 15 times a game, make sure your tickets are aisle seats.  Having to constantly get up because someone needs more relish for their hotdog, then has to pee, then wants another hot dog, is a giant pain in the ass.  They have roaming vendors for a reason.

Finally, if you’re one of those people who buy cheap seats in an effort to sneak lower (I support that and have been known to do it myself), there are rules.  Should the people who have tickets for the seats you are sitting in arrive, apologize and get up.  Don’t be an asshole and cop an attitude.  It might be embarrassing to be caught sitting in someone else’s seat but that’s the chances you are taking by sitting in an empty seat.

The Field

This one is really simple.  Stay off of it!  It’s not cool to run around the field and you’re only going to get arrested, your ass kicked, and possibly tazed (if you live in Philadelphia).

You might end up getting street cred in the frat house, but everyone else thinks you’re a giant choad who is holding up the game.

Rooting for the Opposing Team

There’s nothing wrong with rooting for the opposing team.  Before I lived in Philly I spent years doing it because the teams I rooted for weren’t in my home city (and for the first time I will do it in Philly when the Jets come to town to take on the Flyers).  But use your head.  Don’t make a spectacle of yourself and act like an a*hole.

Rooting is good.  I also support good-natured ribbing between rival fans.  Just don’t take it to the idiot extreme.  Standing up, shouting, and taunting is probably going to end up in an ass kicking (something I do not condone).  There are a*hole fans in every city, so there’s a chance it could happen.

Basic Respect

This is self-explanatory, but unfortunately people still don’t get it.  If you bump into someone say excuse me.  When ordering concessions, say please and thank you.  If you have to go to the bathroom, don’t cut the line (you’re not that important).  If you don’t have a kid or a medical condition, stay the hell out of the family bathroom.  It’s no ones fault but your own that you’re pee shy.

Alcohol Intake

Look, it’s been well documented I enjoy a beer or six.  In saying that, try and control yourself for the post game celebrations (or something to cry into).  Aside from the fact that it’ll cost you $60 bucks to get drunk (beers at Citizens Bank Park hover around eight bucks), no one wants to sit next to a drunken asshole who spilling shit and bumping into people.  It’s embarrassing for you and anyone in your entourage.

There’s nothing wrong with getting a good buzz, but behave yourself or go to an AA meeting before the game.

Leaving Early

Nothing is more frustrating when you see people leave the game early.  Regardless of the score, if you’re attending the game stay until the last out or final seconds (barring a medical emergency).  If you’re team is getting their ass kicked and you leave, you’re not a real fan.  If you are leaving early to beat traffic, you’re a peckerhead who should have given the tickets to someone who would appreciate them.

I remember when I was a kid my dad and I went to a Mets/Phillies game (he’s a die-hard Mets fan), and as the bottom of the ninth started the Mets were down by five runs.  My dad wanted to leave because the Mets didn’t have a chance.  As we made our way to the car, the crowd erupted.  The Mets scored six runs in the ninth, capped by a game-winning home run from Darryl Strawberry.  While I was pissed the Phillies lost the game (at the time they were a terrible team and didn’t win much), I laughed that my dad didn’t see the win because he already gave up.

Tailgating

Growing up in New York I didn’t have much experience tailgating.  Sure it was big for football but I always assumed that’s where it was relegated to.  Upon moving to Philly I was shocked that it doesn’t matter the sport, people are going to tailgate.  I have friends who have gone to tailgate for a Phillies game and didn’t even have tickets.  It’s an event here (maybe it wasn’t so much in NY because no one drives to Madison Square Garden and both baseball stadiums are in shit neighborhoods).  Still there are a couple of rules.

Set you stuff up by your car.   There’s plenty of room at the end of your parking spot to set up your grill and cooler.  The parking lot is crowded and there has to be enough space for everyone.  It’s all about consideration.

If you’re playing a game like Cornhole, make sure it’s on the side and not in the way of traffic.  Cars trying to park shouldn’t have to get out of your way.

If you’re meeting people who are already tailgating, don’t come empty handed.  No one likes someone who’s going to mooch off your beer.  Have a little class and don’t be a cheap bastard.

Above all, clean up your mess.  Don’t leave your garbage in the parking lot.  I know here in Philly they actually have people who ride in golf carts with garbage cans on the back.  If your city doesn’t have that, bring your own garbage bag, or locate a garbage can.  Don’t be a f**king pig and leave your trash in the parking lot.

Okay kids, schools over.  Be sure to study, they’ll be a quiz next week.  Have an opinion or think I missed something?  Hit be me up at shatmeself@yahoo.com and we’ll chat.  Be sure to follow The Sports Riot! on Twitter @TheSportsRiot.  You’ll get our thoughts on what’s going on in the sports world and inside our warped minds.