The X Games Are Coming! The X Games Are Coming!

Okay so they are already here but I had to get your attention some way.  Thursday was opening day for the 17^th annual X-Games.  I was lying on the couch and caught about 10 minutes of BMX, before changing the channel.  That got me thinking, who really gives a s**t about the X-Games?  I mean I’m not opposed to it and if I’m channel surfing I’ll give it a look for a bit but I’m not going to go out of my way to watch it.  Actually outside of 15-year-old skater kids, who really gets excited about the X-Games anymore?

Besides, what is so “EXTREME” about the X-Games?  Maybe 15 years ago when skating and BMX weren’t mainstream, but now they’re an Olympic sport.  Is there anything EXTREME about Mary Lou Retton?  I don’t think so.  And with all due respect to Shaun White, while he might be talented there’s nothing EXTREME about him.  He’s nothing more then a guy who whores himself out on sponsorships and dreams to be on a Wheaties box.  Sorry Shaun, there’s nothing EXTREME about that.

After reading Chris’s take on the X-Games in Wednesday's  “How It Went Down," it got me thinking.  How can we improve the X-Games to make them more EXTREME?  Maybe the pussification of the X-Games is why no one cares.  So I have some ideas of some new “EXTREME” sports that might actually make the X-Games more interesting to watch.

Porcupine Toss

The PETA people aren’t going to like this one but those assholes need a sense of humor anyway.  Set in the theme of the childhood game Hot Potato, 10 x-gamers stand in a circle but instead of a hot potato the contestants are tossing a porcupine.  Not just any porcupine though.  This porcupine is locked in a cage, has not been tested for rabies, and hasn’t been fed in three days.  It’s likely the little bastard is going to be quite salty.

So each contestant passes the pissed off porcupine around the circle avoiding getting stabbed with a quill, scratched, or bit.  But you don’t want to be the guy who drops the porcupine.  Attached to the prickly prick is a small charge of C-4 explosives that will blow upon impact.  So if you drop him you better duck and cover, otherwise you’re not just out of the game but out of lives.

Indian Dick Wrestling

This game is still in the works but is a spin-off of the ancient Apache game known at “Buffalo Pole Flying Snake”, arm wrestling, and thumb wrestling.  All I can say is it involves two dicks, and Indian (Chief Firewater, not The Dot), two midgets, a pit of hot coals, and the Eddie Murphy hit “Boogie In Your Butt”.

Tricycle Vert

This one is pretty self-explanatory.  Each x-gamer must drop in a standard half-pipe with hopes for big air.  There are a couple catches.  The tricycle cannot be modified.  It must a standard red tricycle that you rode as a kid.  Feet must be on the wheels at all time while in the half-pipe (if they’re getting big air they can do as they wish).  Oh, and pads aren’t allowed.  Pads are for pussies…

Big Wheel Demolition Derby

Who didn’t like riding a Big Wheel as a kid?  When I was six-years-old it was the shit.  So we’re going to old school on this one.  In a dirt pit there are 25 contestants on Big Wheels.  Once the whistle blows a standard demolition derby ensues, except you can ride your Big Wheel forward (unlike reverse in standard demolition derby).

I know what you’re thinking.  In regular demolition derby a winner is crowned when there is only one car running, but these are plastic toys, how can they stop running?  Here’s the catch.  Attached to each Big Wheel is a small explosive.  It’s in a different spot on every Big Wheel and the contestants don’t know where it is.  Once it’s hit though the big wheel will explode like a ’78 Pinto in a rear end collision.

Extreme Curling (AKA Big Air Stoning for those in the Mid East)

This is for our X-Gamers north of the border because of their love of Curling and the first team sport.  The extreme version is a slightly different.  Instead of having the rock being slid down the ice, one participant throws the rock toward the “target”.  The sweepers still remain, but instead of sweeping the ice, their job is to hold the “target”.  The “target” is a player on the opposing team.  Points are awarded as follows:

Head Shot – 3 Points

Chest Shot – 2 Points

Balls Shot – 5 Points

Leg Shot – 1 Point

Should a player on a team leave due to injury, his team will forfeit and all players on his team get rocks thrown at them for 10 minutes by the audience. 

The first team to 21 wins the game and matches are best two out of three. 

Extreme Hackie Sack

This game is pretty simple.  Take your standard game of hackie sack, but make it a circle of eight with elimination.  Should the sack hit the ground the participant just picks it up and restarts the circle.  Sounds easy right?  Not for your average sack pounder.  Elimination goes as follows:

Once a participant says “dude” or “bro” (or “brah” for that matter), or if a participant references The Grateful Dead, Phish, Pearl Jam, Dave Matthews Band, Bob Marley or a drum circle they are immediately removed from the circle and tazed on the spot.

The average time of this game is under five minutes.

Extreme Frisbee

Who doesn’t like Frisbee?  It’s a great beach activity or something to do on a Sunday afternoon in the park.  But x-gamers want it EXTREME!  So let’s make Frisbee EXTREME.  Every five inches on the Frisbee will be a razor blade.  This should work out to about 4 razors per disc.  You best know how to catch because one false move you can lose a digit.

There really is no winner with this event.  It’s just a couple choads throwing a Frisbee for 10 minutes losing fingers.  It’s strictly entertainment for the fans.

Extreme Golf

If you’ve seen Caddyshack II (possible the worst sequel to a comedy ever made, mainly because Jackie Mason really isn’t funny), you know what I’m talking about.  Contestants play a round of golf, but as they approach the hole there is a goalie.  Once a shot is made the goalie goes after the ball should they choose.  Instead they can go after the golfer and beat the shit out of him until the ball stops rolling, but he’s taking the chance the ball might land in the hole.

Winner is determined by standard golf practices.

Minefield BMX

Minefield BMX is already huge in Vietnam and parts of Pakistan.  Minefield BMX is a standard downhill bike race except the track is in a minefield.  Riders will have a choice to go down different paths, with most being short cuts.  But are the landmines on the shortcut?  Or could they be on the regular path?  This is where extreme goes to a new level.  Should a rider hit a mine, the obvious happens. 

Only real extreme x-gamers have the coconuts for this game.

SIDEBAR:  There has yet to be a winner in any Minefield BMX race in Vietnam or Pakistan.  It’s a form of punishment for stealing and doesn’t involve a BMX but a pair of sandals and a blindfold.

Kamikaze Skating

Personally I think this can really take off.  Inspired from the Japanese invasion on Pearl Harbor.  It goes down like this:

Each skater is required to smoke two joints while listening to “Smoked Two Joints” by Sublime.  From there each skater then will ride there board down a ramp attempting to jump a pile of bricks.  Here’s the catch, there’s no way they’ll ever clear the bricks, so they will continuously go face first or kamikaze themselves into a pile of bricks.

The winner of this event is me because I’ll laugh my ass off.

Extreme Musical Chairs

Remember musical chairs as a kid?  Well this is the same premise with EXTREME consequences.  Each participant will walk around a line of chairs to the song “Walk The Dinosaur” by Was Not Was.  Upon the music stopping, x-gamers will scramble and knock the shit out of each other for the remaining seats because they don’t want to face the consequences.

Should you be the odd man out?  You’re forced to play Russian Roulette with Mario Lopez, Anthony Michael Hall, Zach Braff, or Michael Stipe (which is a win-win).  The referee for Russian Roulette will be Christopher Walken dressed in his outfit from The Deerhunter.

Okay…  All of the above EXTREME games have been said in jest and to hopefully let people realize the X Games is everything but EXTREME.  In all seriousness there is one sport I do think would be a good addition to the X-Games and I know it would make me watch.  That is the sport of Roller Derby.

Here at The Sports Riot! we have professed our love for roller derby and will continue to do so.  It’s making a huge comeback and really deserves more exposure then it currently gets.  Derby is as EXTREME as it gets and I guarantee the derby girls can kick the shit out of those pansy BMX douchers, and they are much better looking. 

Besides, what would any heterosexual man prefer to watch?  Some clown in a half pipe, or hot chicks tackling and checking each other?  If you even had to think about that I’m questioning your manhood.

So what do you think of The Riot! X-Games?  Any personal additions?  Let me know.  Hit me up at shatmeself@yahoo.com and we’ll discuss it here on The Riot!

Top 5 Trades of All Time

So with the trade deadline looming in Major League Baseball, and the big trade moving Carlos Beltran to the Giants (thus making me a happy Mets fan), it has prompted me to think about the All Time terrible trades that have taken place.  I originally started thinking of just baseball, but then as it often does, my mind began to wonder and drift away into other sports; like the ADD riddled adult I am. Then like a person who should actually be on meds for his condition, I went back to just baseball trades.  So that’s what I’m going to do, just baseball trades. So here are the Top 5 terrible trades in baseball history.

5- 1971 Nolan Ryan and 3 others go from the Mets to the Angels for Jim Fregosi – From a strictly statistical standpoint this trade is stupid. Nolan Ryan finished the 71 season with a 10-14 record and a 3.97 ERA; not great grant you, but compared to Fregosi’s .233 avg., 5 homers, 33 RBI season, its Cy Young worthy.  But the long term impact on the Mets franchise is still being felt today. Not from a pennant or World championship standpoint. As a matter of fact, from that perspective the Mets were generally unaffected; appearing in the World Series just one season removed from Nolan Ryan while the Angels made themselves comfortable in the basement of the AL West. No, this is more about historical impact; a certain monkey that remains on the New York Metropolitans back, the No-Hitter.  That’s right, the Mets are still one of two franchises without a no-no in the history of the game (the San Diego Padres are the other).  Nolan Ryan has 7 in his career. Needless to say, that monkey would be long gone if Nolan would have stayed in Flushing. But who’s to say that Nolan would’ve been successful in NYC ever? But when compared to what Fregosi went on to do in his career (Fregosi’s best season post ‘71 was .262 avg, 12 dingers and 35 RBI, Ryan’s 21-16, 2.87 ERA with 383 K’s) you could imagine Ryan would’ve done better.

4- 1991 Orioles trade Curt Schilling, Steve Finley and Pete Harnisch  to the Astros for Glenn Davis – The Orioles weren’t very good in 1990, neither were the Astros.  But both franchises were on the verge of making themselves viable contenders for the majority of the coming decade.  So this trade may not show an immediate impact, but when you look beyond the ’91 season and see the long term impact of these moves, it is a little stunning to think about the potential impact of this trade not happening.  First off, Glenn Davis was terrible for the O’s. He was only around for another three seasons after a nerve injury in his neck cut short a potentially great career.  Davis had been one of the most feared hitters in the NL for 5 years, and I understand wanting to acquire a bat like that, but let’s play hindsight shall we? Although it took until ’96 for the O’s to be a legit contender for a Championship, it may have come a lot earlier if they hold onto to pitching like Schilling and Harnisch. Think of the ramifications of holding on to these two pitchers.  The Yankees mid to late ‘90’s dynasty may not have happened the way it did.  The Yanks main competition in ’96,’97, and ’98 were the O’s.  With Mussina, Erickson, and Wells at the top of that rotation, the potential for this team could have been legendary if you add Curt Schilling to that squad. Now Pete Harnisch may not have turned out to be what he was touted to be, but I would take him over Kent Mercker or Rocky Coppinger any day as my 5^th starter. I know its hindsight, but Glenn Davis was coming off of an injury plagued season in 1990 to begin with; this one was bad. To add insult to injury, Steve Finley became a very good, borderline All Star outfielder on top of all that pitching.

3- 2002 Montreal Expos trade Grady Sizemore, Cliff Lee, Brandon Phillips and Lee Stevens to the Indians for Bartolo Colon and Tim Drew  - At first not a terrible trade, Colon won 20 games for the Expos in the one season he was there and Sizemore, Lee and Phillips were just prospects at the time.  But WOW, what prospects they were huh? Sizemore has turned out to be a five tool stud that continues to star in Cleveland (even though he’s having a tough year this year), Lee is a Cy Young award contender every year and Phillips is one of the best 2^nd basemen in baseball. Colon, after a few solid seasons has turned into the best sandwich eater in the AL and Tim Drew is nowhere to be found. Now hindsight being what it is, Colon probably looked like a lock at the time, but this list isn’t about hindsight, it’s a bad deals and this one hurt the Expos franchise.  Think about what the Nationals would look like right now with Brandon Phillips at 2^nd, Cliff Lee as their ace and Grady Sizemore in the outfield.  I believe that’s a team that would fight the Phillies hard for the NL East crown.

2- 1993 The LA Dodgers trade Pedro Martinez to the Expos for Delino DeSheilds – When I started researching and thinking about this list I wasn’t going to put this one on there. I remember this trade because the Dodgers were hard up for a 2^nd basemen after Jody Reed rejected the Dodgers contract offer thinking there was more out there (there wasn’t). So out of necessity the Dodgers traded Martinez, a young pitcher, for what they thought was a solid 2^nd baseman. I thought that maybe the Dodgers didn’t really know what they had, or that maybe Pedro had had a rough start to his career that I don’t remember; upon further review I have no idea what the Dodgers were thinking.  Let’s do some numbers real quick, Pedro in 65 appearances has a 10-5 record with a 2.61 ERA and 119K’s in 107 IP. Not Hall of Fame worthy yet but it’s a nice start for a 21 year old pitcher in his rookie campaign.  Now DeShields hit .295 with 41 SB, .389 OBP and 17 doubles. Not terrible by any stretch but DeShields was in his 4^th season and the three prior were more of the same, so what you see is what you get.  Deshields spent three seasons in LA where he failed to meet his 1993 numbers, whereas Pedro went on to be one of the most dominant pitchers in the history of the game.  He won 209 games away from LA, 2 World Series (should’ve been 3 because the ’94 Expos would have won) and 3 Cy Young awards, not to mention he was in the top 5 in MVP voting twice. A swing and a miss by the Dodgers.

1-1920 The Boston Red Sox trade Babe Ruth to the Yankees for a bag of cash – Need I say more. I know you all knew it was coming but even I couldn’t ignore the obvious. Sorry, it’s an undeniable truth, there is no trade in the history of any sport, any business, or of any kind that was a worse move than what the Red Sox did in 1920. You know it’s a bad move when 91 years later we’re still talking about it.  I know the curse is over, but the memory will always remain.

Honorable Mention-

*2004 The New York Mets trade Scott Kazmir for Victor Zambrano – The Mets WOULD’VE been an NL East dynasty if this trade doesn’t happen.

*1990 The Red Sox trade Jeff Bagwell to the Astros for Larry Andersen – On the surface this should’ve been a top 5 but the fact that the Sox won more championships during Bagwell’s career makes it not as bad a move as it could’ve been.

*1977 The Mets trade Tom Seaver to the Reds for Pat Zachry, Doug Flynn and 2 others – How Seaver didn’t retire a Met is beyond me.

*1987 The Tigers trade John Smoltz to the Braves for Doyle Alexander – On the surface this looks like a top 5’er as well, but Smoltz had never pitched for the Tigers and Alexander actually went 9-0 down the stretch during a Tigers playoff run that season.

*1997 The Mariners trade Derrick Lowe and Jason Varitek to the Red Sox for Heathcliff Slocumb – The dude’s name was Heathcliff….’nuff said.

How it Went Down 7/28/11

*Skip Bayless is an Unbearable Douche – I know I rant about the idiotic spewings of one Skip Bayless from ESPN2’s “First Take” but how many times do I need to hear this guy smash on LeBron James and the New York Jets.  Now I hate LBJ as much as the next guy but c’mon.  They actually had a debate today about who was more overhyped, Reggie Bush or LeBron James. The answer is obvious isn’t it? Reggie Bush? NO! say Skippy. LBJ? Really? Skip Bayless claims it’s because he’s not Jordan.  Translation: “I just hate LeBron James for some reason that I care not to explain.” OR : “I’m in Love with MJ in a quite inappropriate way.” Reggie Bush is an out of the back field option back, not the stud ball carrier he was supposed to be. He’s a star on HYPE alone.  We he could potentially do, but never does do.  THAT IS THE DEFINITION OF OVERHYPED! LBJ has at least won some MVP’s, been to a finals twice and he will win at least one before it’s all said and done.  Bush has a Super Bowl ring, true, but was he the determining factor; not even close Skippy. So you are way off on this one Bayless.

Then there is his relentless criticism of the Jets. WHY SKIP? WHY!? The debate this morning was whether or not the potential addition of Nnamdi Asomugha makes the Jets the favorite in the AFC. Most people say yes and rightfully so; I mean c’mon Jets fans finally have a reason to puff out our chests and feel confident.  They were clearly the 2^nd best team in the conference at the end of the season last year and this season they are potentially better.  So why the hate Skip?  Is it because your love for Tom Brady and Bill Beli”cheat” couldn’t carry them through to the AFC Championship Game last year.  Was it that your pretty little boy toy, Tom Brady, got rattled by the Jets and couldn’t close the deal (that statement is meant as a slam on Skippy, not Brady; Brady is both a good looking man and a tremendous QB, as a Jets fan I acknowledge this fact). I mean you couldn’t even give the Jets credit for making the AFC title game two years running.  You’re a douche, that’s all.  I know you have a character to play but it’s become very transparent.  Later in the program, they debated whether Rex Ryan naming Mark Sanchez was smart or laughable and guess what Skip said? You guessed it, laughable. He claimed that Sanchez was not the leader of this team and this was a desperate attempt to turn Sanchez into the leader is naturally is not.  This douche obviously has never watched a Jets game when it counted (maybe he was looking at himself in the mirror, or just arguing with his cats because he obviously loves himself) because the three most clutch players on that team last year were Santonio Holmes, Brad Smith  and …….MARK SANCHEZ! How many games did Sanchez pull out late during the regular season, and he almost had them in a position to win that AFC championship Game after falling behind 21-3 at halftime; the Steelers and the Heinz field faithful did not want the ball in Sanchez’s hands with 2 minutes to go in that one, it was very clear. Skippy boy called Sanchez unsure, not confident, and said he has bad body language when things go wrong. Skip, watch the games and shut the hell up, your act is old time to change it up a tad.

*Beltran is Giant – Carlos Beltran was traded yesterday by the Mets to the Giants for a top tier minor league prospect, pitcher Zach Wheeler, and cash.  Beltran shows up in Philly tonight and will start for the Gigantes against the Phillies. I will say that Giants fans are pretty amped about this, although there was a few that were upset about the loss of a talent like Wheeler, and Beltran arrives and immediately adds punch to a very bad lineup.  Beltran ranks 1^st on the Giants in all major hitting categories before he even gets there, but I have to warn you, since his huge playoff run with the Astros in 2004, he has disappeared in the big spot.  I’ve written about the most traumatic sports moment of my life several times now, when Beltran struck out looking in the bottom of the 9^th of Game 7 of the NLCS with the bases loaded, down by 2; it will never be forgotten.  With that being said I do think this is good move for both teams. The Giants get the bat they sorely need, and the Mets shed some salary so they can pay their legal fees.

*Bush in Miami – No not that kind sicko, although I hear it’s the place to be if you want some, but that’s neither here nor there…..well kind of there.  Anyway, I digress, Reggie Bush was dealt to the Miami Dolphins for some draft picks, and his arrival has caused some conversation.  Now we have LeBron and Reggie down in south beach whose next, AROD?  Makes sense.  Maybe Pujols? Somebody needs to help the Marlins my God; they closed their upper deck for the rest of the season. LeBron and Wade are top 5 basketball players and Reggie Bush acts like he’s a top 5 football player, so maybe they can lure someone to Miami to play baseball. I don’t know, I’m just sad that Reggie didn’t do a “The Decision” special when he decided to go to South Beach. He could’ve had the Kardashians on to boot his ass out the door.  It could’ve been a hit.

*Guys who we’ve completely forgotten about – Has anyone else noticed that some players who were stars like 3 to 5 years ago are just gone, or so it seems.  I did some investigating and I found out some of these guys are still playing. What happened?

-Alfonso Soriano – touted as a top 5 player in the Majors no more than 5 years ago. In 2006 he hit 46 homers and had 96 RBI with 41 doubles and 41 SB’s while he was in Washington.  Ever since he signed with the Cubs, like most things in Chicago, he’s fallen off. This season he’s hitting .247 with 15 dingers and 43 RBI. Add in a poultry 14 doubles and only 1 steal and you have a fallen star, yikes.

-Jake Peavy – In 2007, Peavy was 19-6 with a 2.54 ERA and 240 K’s and was one of the top 5 pitchers in the league if not the best.  Since then he’s had some injury problems and major surgery on his arm and now he’s 4-4 with a 5.27 ERA and 53 K’s halfway through the season.

-Brandon Webb – This one is a sad story, Webb was easily the best pitcher in the NL in 2008 with a 22-7 record and a 3.30 ERA; he was flat out dominant.  His dominant pitch was a heavy sinker that eventually took its toll on the stars arm.  Webb has only pitched once since he was the Cy Young runner-up that season.  One injury after another sidelined what could have been a Hall of Fame career.

*X GAMES XVII kicks off today – Does anybody actually care about this still. First off I can’t believe it’s been around for 17 years, that’s crazy.  I remember when it first started and it was pretty cool.  But once your “extreme” sports become Olympic events, is it safe to say they are not “extreme” anymore. It’s like continuing to call Nirvana and Pearl Jam “alternative music” when they are just as mainstream as Madonna or Britney Spears. Cooler? Yes. Alternative? Not anymore, and neither is the XGames, sorry guys.  Although I will say that those guys and gals who participate in it are cool, and really great at what they do, I’m just not sure people watch it, and if they are watching, do they care who wins? It’s an odd program to say the least.

*Careful What you Wish For – Kevin Kolb was traded to the Arizona Cardinals today for CB Dominique Rogers-Cromartie and a 2^nd round pick next year. Kolb has been rumored to go to the Cards since he was in Pop-Warner it seems and now he finally has his wish. He really wanted to play in Arizona. Why? I get the Larry Fitzgerald factor, and the fact that you’ll get to actually play there, but they are not a good team. They have no defense, no O-Line to protect you and no body other than Fitz to throw to. I know they play in a weak division, and I do hope he plays well because I hate the Eagles and nothing would satisfy me more than Vick having his leg snapped on the 3^rd play of the season; then seeing Favre step onto the field with a walker a try to will his way back to the Super Bowl again. While that’s going on, Kolb leads the 5-11 Cards to the postseason with home field advantage in the 1^st round hosting the Buccaneers at 11-5. That would make me wet myself.

*The Grand Lexicon of San Francisco 49ers Quarterbacks – Tittle. Brodie. Montana. Young. Garcia. Smith?  These are the longest tenured QB’s in the history of the 49ers. The Niners are one the most celebrated franchises in the NFL, and they’ve almost always had great QB’s; scratch that, legendary QB’s.  But yesterday, when it seemed obvious to everyone including Alex Smith’s mother that he was a goner, the Niners signed Alex to a 1 year, $5 Million contract. WHAT?  $5 mil? The 49ers are thinking……I don’t know what they are thinking.  Guys this is ALEX SMITH.  You know the hack that’s been stinking up the Bay Area for 6 years now. The smell from Candlestick on a Sunday afternoon in the fall is worse than down at the Wharf on a hot summer day, jeez.

*..and finally – Does anyone know how to not be tired anymore? I work out, I sleep maybe 5 to 6 hours a night and I mostly eat well. WTF? Why am I always exhausted?  HELP ME! Lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll  ,l;sadfjwp   Sorry just fell asleep.  For tips on this or any other thoughts, send them to Chris; thesportsriot@yahoo.com, or follow us on twitter @thesportsriot.

Top 5 Losing Streaks

Nearly three weeks ago, the Seattle Mariners were 43-43 and fairly competetive in a weak AL West; but oh have things have changed. The Mariners have gone on an epic losing streak that until yesterday, stood at 17 in a row. The Yankees failed to extend the losing streak by losing a 9-2 heartbreaker at the hands of "King" Felix and the hapless Mariners. So this latest streak in Major League Baseball set my mind to wondering about all the losing streaks that I've witnessed during my sports life, or heard about because they were so epic. So are the Top 5 losing streaks in sports history, according to The Riot!

5 – 2010-11 Cleveland Cavaliers (21 games in a row) – Not the worst losing streak by the amount of games lost (that distinction goes to the Cavs of the early 80’s with a 24 game streak that lasted two seasons) but definitely by the amount of pain the city of Cleveland and Cavs fans had to endure during it. Not only did Cavs fans have their heart ripped out by one LeBron James, but then they turned out to be barely a pro squad.  At times during this streak it looked as if I could field a pick-up squad from my gym and push the Cavs to the limit. Also consider that this very team plus LBJ won 61 games the season prior to the streak.  Hey look at it this way, “The Streak” was nowhere near as painful as “The Decision” and just as unwatchable.

4 – 2011 Seattle Mariners (17 games in a row)- I feel like at the beginning of the season the Texas Rangers were favored to win this division but not easily. I also feel that most people felt that the A’s, the Angels and the Mariners were all on a level playing field. The Mariners were on many lists before the 2010 season to be a dark horse team, and many thought that after a poor showing in 2010 that maybe this year would be that year.  Guess what? It’s not.  Yesterday the Mariners finally snapped their 17 game losing streak by beating the Yankees behind ace “King” Felix.  It’s hard to fathom that a team with an Ace the caliber of Felix Hernandez could ever lose 10 games in a row, let alone 17.  That’s at least 3 of his starts that were lost. I guess upon further review, these teams are on a level playing field; the A’s just suffered through a 10 game losing streak in June. The reason that this streak is so bad is because the Mariners were 43-43 when it began; maybe not contenders but at least respectable. Now, not so much.

3 – 1980-81 Winnipeg Jets (30 winless games in a row) – As much as I love the Winnipeg Jets, I had to throw this streak in because it is mind numbing.  The Jets in 1980-81 won their first game of the season in game #3, they wouldn’t win again until game #34. That’s 30 consecutive games without a victory.  Now in hockey you have ties, so that fact may have saved the Jets from going down in infamy as the worst losing streak ever. The Jets went 0-23-7 in that period with a legit 10 game losing streak to close out the streak. I was only four years old when this streak took place, but as a loyal follower of the Winnipeg Jets I still feel the pangs of this streak; it is brutal. Out of those 30 games the Jets allowed 5 goals or more 18 times, and 7 or more goals 8 times; these games weren’t even close.

2 – 1988 Baltimore Orioles (21 games to start the season) – What a horrendous way to start a season. Any losing streak to start a season is terrible, but 21 games? That is impossible to come back from. It’s no wonder this team went on to lose 107 games, after the first month of the season they were 16 games out of first; SEASON OVER. And with a team with veterans like Eddie Murray and Cal Ripken, the expectations were definitely better than 54 wins.  The streak has gone down as one of the legendary moments in baseball history.  I remember it being a Sports Illustrated cover, and it being the lead story on ESPN “SportsCenter” every night.  The streak consumed all facets of sports and pop culture at the time; president Ronald Reagan called manager Frank Robinson on the phone after the 18^th straight loss and gave him some encouraging words and fans and supporters flooded the Orioles with telegrams (those were the texts of the day) and phone messages encouraging the O’s to get it done; they lost 4-2 to the Twins that very night.  I guess didn’t have the magic touch when it came to baseball.  The streak even got to the then GM of the O’s, Roland Hemond, when he busted out the lucky grey suit that he wore when his Chicago White Sox clinched the AL West crown in 1983; it didn’t work, the O’s dropped another 4-2 decision to the Twins to break the American League record for continuous futility with their 21^st consecutive loss. The agony finally ended when the O’s thumped the White Sox 9-0.

1 - 1976-77 Tampa Bay Buccaneers (26 games in a row) – What a way to start a franchise, with an 0-14 season.  The first team to go winless in a 14 game season ever. They were outscored 125-412, and lost by 7 points or more in all but 3 games and lost by 20 points or more 8 times. To add insult to injury, they were shut out  5 times and lost the first two games in franchise history by a combined score of 43-0. Here’s what makes this streak the worst ever; it didn’t end at 0-14. They began the next season by going 0-12; that’s right a 26 game losing streak when it was said and done. A 26 game losing streak in the NFL is a 15 month losing streak; the Bucs played their first game on September 15^th, 1976, and didn’t win until December 11^th, 1977. Let’s put it this way, I wasn’t outside the womb when the Bucs lost their first game, but I was a year old when they won their first: it’s a long time dude.  Things that happened in the amount of time it took the Tampa Bay Buccaneers to win their first game:

*I was born and aged a year(obviously most important)

*Two World Series Champs were crowned (The Reds and The Yanks)

*One and a Half NHL and NBA Seasons were played

So that's the list. If I missed an epic streak that you think should've been included, yell at me; thesportsriot@yahoo.com.

How it went Down (the catch-up edition)

Due to circumstances beyond my control (I was lazy), I was unable to write a Monday or a Tuesday column; so here are my thoughts over the past few days.

*NFL Lockout. Apparently the NFL Lockout is over.  So now I'm allowed to talk about the NFL.  Let me just say a personal thing to the NFL, a Love Letter if you will:

"Thank you so much Football for coming back to me.  I thought you may have been gone forever. I have have sat up nights and prayed that you would get better.  Ever since your illness struck you 132 days ago, I never thought you were going to get better.  But you have, and now I can go back to dreaming the impossible dream; A Jets Super Bowl berth.  I know it's the dream of dreams, but if you could conquer this illness of Lockout, then you can make it true. Thank you again for getting well Football.  You have been greatly missed."

More to come as we get closer to players being on the field.  Even I can't resist the insanity of this NFL mini-offseason; I may not be able to contain myself.

*The Newest Cursed Franchise. Did anyone else find it odd that the Pirates had a long rain delay to start tonight’s game?  The first time the Pirates were being featured in the National spotlight since like the mid-90's and here come the rains.  They got that game in and won but then last night, more signs of a possible curse. The Bucs were involved in an intense 19 inning game that they lost on a horrendous call.  Losing a big game on a blown call is one of the criteria for qualifying as a cursed franchise. With this blown call happening, if that Nationally televised game was cancelled, I would have been convince that the "curse" was in play here.  Luckily the Pirates got to play on National TV the other night and they won and they sit 1 game behind the Cards for 1st place in the Central but if I were a Pirates fan, I would keep my eyes peeled for the other shoe.

*NFL in LA? It's been 16+ years of "NFL franchises coming to LA" sightings, but every time, nothing. It's like the Lochness Monster at this point. You think someone has seen it and then all you get is a report that's blown way out of proportion and maybe a fuzzy photograph if you're lucky. In this case the report is that there is a "memorandum of understanding," which is the equivalent of a pat on the back and a handshake with the government winking and saying "IF we ALL this happens, then you'll get your stadium" <wink, wink, nudge, nudge>; that's your blown out of proportion story.  And then there's the fuzzy photo; a headline that reads "NFL Lockout Over, Next Step Is NFL in LA;" seems pretty straight forward right? Well when you read the whole truth, it's not.  The deal is AT LEAST a year away and this "memorandum" is non-binding.  So basically the government had this meeting with a team led by AEG with their fingers AND their toes crossed; that's playground s**t right there. AEG may be going home with bloody noses and wedgies before this thing is over.

*Tiger Woods Takes Another Hit. Tiger Woods dropped out of the World Top 20 rankings for the first time since he was a zygote. Is this a big deal? I have a different take on this Tiger Woods thing, maybe he doesn't care as much as we do.  Has anyone ever thought that maybe Tiger just wants to f#*k some bitches and play Golf when he wants to? Look, I get the idea that great talents such as Tiger have a natural competitive streak and strive to be the best at all times. And Tiger was for like 7 years. Not just the best, but legendary. But now he's in his mid-30's and he's five Majors from being the best of all time. Maybe he made a poor decision or two by getting married and texting Waffle House waitresses while he was married, but that's what your 20's are for, right? So perhaps Tiger is just tired.  And I don't mean the kind of tired that he needs a nap, or a two week vacation; I mean the 5 year type of rest.  Look, he's rich beyond his wildest imagination (even after the divorce, I mean look at that house), he was the most dominant golfer ever (undisputed), and it's obvious even before all this crap went down that the non-major stuff was tedious and dull to him.  He has roughly 15 more years at least to win 4 majors, and a guy that was as dominant as Tiger was can get it back whenever he wants.  I just don't think he wants too right now. Maybe he had a private conversation with the Golden Bear 4 years ago and Jack said "please don't annihilate my record, PLEASE!!!! Maybe 20 Majors, then it's not SO bad."  I originally thought after his divorce was final and he came back, that Augusta National should've just put strippers and a curtained area for Tiger to get his lap dances right on the greens.  That's could've kept him interested but hey, some places just aren't fond of the lap dance section. You only get that kind of action on the public courses. Oh well.

*NFL Frenzy or MLB Trade Deadline? - I can't recall this ever happening, but the MLB trade deadline is getting very much overshadowed by the recent end of the NFL lockout and the free agent madness that's going to take place.  The Riot! has been one of the few outlets that has refused to drone on and on about the lockout, but with it being over and the guarantee that my New York Jets will take the field in September to defend their 2nd place finish in the AFC (yes, that's all us Jets fans have; Super Bowl 3 and 2nd place in the AFC <yuck>) has me totally glued to the free agent madness that's happening right now. Now I'm sure on the 31st I will be glued to the MLB for about 20 minutes or so, but this stuff that's going down in the NFL is really remarkable. Stay tuned, everyone is moving.  If you are a casual NFL fan, and you don't like study rosters and whatnot like we do, definitely pay attention this year.  You may head out to your local stadium and see a whole different team.  Even big name, mainstay QB's are on the move.

*The Circle may be Complete. As I said above rumors are abound in the NFL.  With teams literally unloading players to get under the salary cap, and trades already in the works, the action has been fast, furious, and even somewhat shocking.  I would have to say that the most shocking story that I've heard float around is the Brett Favre possibly signing with the Eagles.  First off a collective UGH! at this story again right? Favre? Again? Really? Does anyone else look at him like he's a drug addict with this football thing? It's like he weens himself off the pigskin, and he's good for a few months.  But then he's at a family function or something and someone slips him a Nerf to throw around with the kiddies and before you know it he's up in his closet with full pads on, a helmet strapped (green bay of course) and his Super Bowl XXXI jersey. His wife is wondering the house looking for him, and then she walks into their bedroom and hears talking coming from the closet.  She opens it and Brett yells "BREAK!" and claps his hands. Then he goes over to the bed, crouches down and puts his hands between the mattresses and starts barking signals "BLUE 24, BLUE 24, HUT! HUT!" Then he rifles a 10 yard out pattern to the mirror on the wall. He gives his wife a pat on the ass, and she says "fine, you can play this season." Sounds about right to me.

The second thing that I find interesting about this Favre story is Michael Vick coming out in support of it. Michael said something to the effect that it would be great to have such an experienced back-up.  Well, I don’t want to rain on you parade Mike, but isn’t that like the same thing that Donovan McNabb said about you, and what happened. I’m not saying that having a player like Brett Favre IS actually a bad thing, but don’t think he’s going to just sit quietly if you start off slowly this season. Favre is there to play, not to watch with a clipboard. Also Vick is very prone to injury. What do you think happens if he goes down with one of his leg injuries and Favre leads them on a 7 game winning streak? Do you think Reid is putting Vick back in in Week 15 to set up for the postseason? I don’t know man. If I were Vick I would steer clear of this situation before they start calling you Drew. (As in Bledsoe, the last prominent QB to lose his job to injury)

Back to Donovan McNabb for a second and the potential circle that will be completed if the Favre to Philly thing pans out.  McNabb was traded from the Redskins to the Vikings today for some draft picks thus making the circle nearly whole. McNabb left Philly when Favre went to Minnesota when most, including myself, thought McNabb would’ve been a better fit in Minnesota than in Washington and that Favre should’ve hung it up two years ago, after the Jets failed experiment with him. Anyway, McNabb is in Minnesota now, and Favre is still on his tractor, but for how long? That is the question.

*The Jets Fly Again – I know Jay said it earlier, but it’s worth repeating; the new Winnipeg Jets logo is badass. When I heard that a new logo was coming, I was apprehensive.  I was worried that it would look like a World League Football jersey, you know all modern and Teal with swishes all over it.  No, this is bold and strongly Canadian. Good job True North, and thank you for bringing back my hockey memories.

*Holmes is Back – The other Jets that I live and die with, the Gang Green, have resigned Santonio Holmes.  So now what should the Jets do fans?  Braylen Edwards is a free agent and is somewhat of a question mark to me.  He made so HUGE catches last season and seems to be a favorite target of Sanchez’s, but he also has a case of the dropsies that has lasted 3+ seasons now. With guys like Randy Moss and Plaxico Burress around who may not cost too much and both have a lot to prove this season; it may be a very difficult decision for the Jets to decide. Edwards is going to want a lot of money, and he may mean a lot to the chemistry of that offense.  On the other hand when you have a very strong personality at the head of this team like Rex Ryan, and a QB that’s emerging as the leader of this team, plus very strong personalities on the defensive side of the ball as well; the Jets may already have enough chemistry to deal with a Moss or a Burress.  This is why this is fun, and a little terrifying.

*18 Losses in a row – God the Mariners suck, just saying. The good news for Seattle fans, all 2,000 of you, is that Felix Hernandez is officially off the trade market, so that’s something.  The Mariners can lose every fifth game 1-0 instead of 8-1.

*Wednesday Afternoon Delight – In Cleveland, Ervin Santana pitched the first solo no-hitter for the Angels since 1984. Even though he gave up a run due to an error, it was a masterful performance by Santana. It is the 9^th in team history (Nolan Ryan has 4 of those) and was the first solo no-no by an Angel pitcher since Mike Witt did it in 1984. In 1990, Mark Langston and Mike Witt held the Mariners hitless.

*…..and finally – did anybody see the dress that Katy Perry wore to the “Smurfs” premiere on Monday night? She plays the voice of Smurfette in the movie.  I don’t care much for her music but my God she is very, very tasty. I always had a crush on Smurfette when I was a kid and I now I feel a regression coming on. I will look at Smurf reruns in a whole different light now.